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Posts created by Julie

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

New Member

Hello Everyone,

My name is Julie and this is a big step for me. For as long as I can remember I have felt low but able to hide my feelings from family/friends and husband. I usually have my attacks when I am alone, I feel like my heart is going to race out of my chest, I feel dizzy and fight hard to keep a grip on reality. At times I feel like it's not really me as if I am in some dream and in a daze.

My story is nothing unusual, I was raped when I was 17 and have been sexually assualted several times, I have been attacked and tried to be dragged away and my sister tried several times to commite sucide befoe eventually being successful.

Even by writing this down I can feel myself becoming faint and my heart is racing. Still woke this morning having cried in my sleep.

Sorry to have laid this down just wanted to let you know where I am at.

Julie

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

New Member

Hi,

Thanks for those kind words, but going to my doctor is not an option, if it was just me, no bills, family or anything I'm sure that it would be best for me to go to some centre for a while but such as life not possible. I hope that with people like you I can get on with my life and stop my feelings of helpleness, impending death and wanting to harm myself at times.

Still trying to figure out why I feel the way I do, I mean I can be happy chatty on the outside but feel really low on the inside and want to cry.

Hope to speak to you soon

Julie

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

Tip of the Day!

Just had panic attack, tv reflected on glass door, made me jump and think someone was in the house. Heart pounding, hands clammy and breathing became fast. From previous discussions breathed in through nose and exhaled via mouth. Took a while still trembling as I write this. Seacrched site and came across this has helped alittle but find that I am crying while doing this going to wait awhile and try it again in abit, I'm feeling so emotional.

I'll keep you posted.

Julie

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

Hya, I am new and sad.

Hi to you all,

Not quite sure what to get from this site but hoping to find answers and support in feeling better about myself and stop my feelings of dispair, worry and feelings of wanting to harm myself.

The problem is my feelings of great sadness come and go, one minute I am on top of the world and this can last a while when I feel I can achieve anything, to times of great sorrow, feeling helpless and guilty, numb and frustrated with ideas of self harming, losing loved ones and really have to fight these emotions.

Sometimes I think it would be best if I was put away - not because I am a danger but feel sometimes like I am just managing to keep it together.

I have a wonderful job and loving husband and I enjoy this part of my life but there is another side to me that is just hard to suppress at times.

I know I've just introduced my self but might as well give you a little story on my life keeping it very brief.

Growing up I have been assaulted, raped and tried to be dragged away by a stranger, my sister tried several times to kill her self and in 1996 she succeded. I still cry myself to sleep sometimes missing her and while driving to work at times I will cry seeing her face. I just feel empty a wish to be free of feeling like this.

Please help

Julie

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

hi everyone

Just joined myself, like you I hope to find comfort and support here also. Nice to know help is just a click away.

Julie

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

Negative ideas.

Hi,

Does anyone else find it very hard to stop negative ideas form just bouncing into your head. Mine come out the blue and I have to make an incrediable effort to stop myself from going out of control. I argue with myself, ideas dart from one thing to another and I feel like screaming and crying. I feel like any second I am going to snap but fearful if this happens that I will completely go off the rails. This then makes my heart race, feel dizzy, feel sick think of loved ones and then this makes it worse. If I could make this go away without hurting anyone I would, why is life so difficult.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

Feeling low

Hi,

Why do I bother writing, I just feel like my life is slipping away and its a struggle to keep up.

While writing this I feel slightly light headed, my heart is beating fast and I feel like stopping, but know that out there people like you are on hand to help.

I really could go on as no-one else to talk to about my feelings, hoping to find friends here to chat to, although you have your own probs and really don't need mine.

Maybe when I get in my car later my music will help - usually does.

Lets try and think of happy thngs.

Hard to push negativity away, crying now I just need a hug a big long hug.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

Hya, I am new and sad.

Hi,

Thanks for those kind words, I am working my way through the programme with hope that this will help. It's just nice to know like you say I can say what is on my mind and not be judge, and cause I am speaking to those in the same situation.

Julie

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

Hya, I am new and sad.

Years ago when I was at college I went to see a councilor for a couple of sessions but felt uncomfortable and felt like I was not being taken seriously so I stopped going. I was also seeing someone who stood by me, believed me and even got his cousion to drive and pick me up from college. Problem was I think this got in the way of our relationship, we did go to a couples counselling sessions but seen seperate, he had taken in some drawings that I had done saying these were not normal. Again he was getting more out of it than I was, I did try but I don't know if it's because the place was trying to homely or what and I needed that clinical environment to make me more detached or it was just that I was young and not ready. I really do want to get over my issues and have been looking around for free therapist and reading up on psychotherapy and seeing a psychiatrist but have not come across any yet that are free and self referral. When I feel like self harming it is usually when I feel frustrated and sometimes I hit the wall but manage to stop myself from doing any damage sometimes just little marks on my hand otherwise nothing, I just stop myself from going the full blown hit.

I don't want to worry you I am here for help and started the program so I am on the road to recovery. Just please bear with me on my little rants, thourghts as this is nice to do, no pressures and I know that I'm not judged, I may just write short sentences to vent off this is ok isn't it as I feel safe doing it this way and getting it off my chest.

Thanks for that

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 30

Over the Top

Hi,

Wrote my own goals the other day started off with three but like you keeping things one step at a time, how did you feel waking up before ten especially since you woke even earlier with the clocks going back?

Like you I have joined recently so welcome and I too hope you find what you are looking for. Remember that you can post any time day or night or just read other peoples posts to give inspiration.

Julie

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