Julie, I agree with Rose 306 you do need to see a doc and it sounds as though you've reached that conclusion as well. I recommend a psychiatrist. I don't know where you live so being able to tell you what is available is not possible. In the US all 50 states have comprehensive care centers, medication programs, etc. If you live elsewhere, I'm not familiar with the health care systems. You may be able to use a "find a physician" type program on the web. Remember also, that with any physician not all shoes fit, make sure it is someone you feel comfortable talking to (may take a couple of visits to figure this out) and also someone who will LISTEN to what you are saying.
Also glad to hear I am not the only one with a bunching bag and gloves. It helps with the frustration and anxiety. lol, now I know why Rose306 always uses the !
Feel really good today, might just look for help outside of here think I may need it. Need to figure out where to go without seeing own doctor. Any suggestions on who to look up?
hi julie - you are one person with an illness. i understand the need to punch things - i have a punching bag and gloves! you can beat that up forever and not hurt yourself - try it! ideally, you should see a psychiatrist but if you're not able to go to your regular md, tell him you need antideppresants, maybe benzos - tell him/her what you have said here. take the depression test, print it out and take to doctor. that is the way i would kill myself - i've thought about - i think it's common, that driving your car into a wall. you talk about far reaching consequences......take it one day at a time and think about you. once you are feeling better and you can with meds and therapy everything else can fall into place. i don't think you ever get over your issues, julie, but you come to terms with them. you have post traumatic stress disorder - i would bet the farm. you need meds, you do, don't feel guilty or less than for feeling this way - i think you are strong, a survivor! don't put this off - get to the best doctor you can as soon as you can.
It's me again, today I felt like screaming, I wanted to hurt myself but ended up driving crying, not even my music was helping. Driving along I was thinking how easy it would be drive into a wall, to be free of the pain that I feel but then I don't want to die and then I get upset thinking about this and everything that I love. I think I am stuck, sinking well one half of me has. I feel at times I am two different people or should I say other people don't see the real me. I put on that brave face, laugh when a times I just want to curl up in a corner and do nothing, I amazed how sometimes I pull it off. Take tonight for instance, after my driving/crying stunt I went to work little shaky, feeling drained and not quite with it for a little while and felt like I was going into shock. I had wiped my face put on a smile and no-one knew, not one person asked if I was OK which suited me yet I felt so drained and sick that I felt sure people would be able to tell. My sad side was pushed to the bottom and other side came out but this is so hard at times have to go to the toilet and cry sometimes, I say to them at times 'don't I'm delicate' but they don't get what I am saying.
I don't know what to do - should I see a psyhciatrist, but then what about work, my family, bills it has far more reaching consequences that me just feeling the way I do, it's not just me Oh God why why why I'm just so useless I want to feel free.
We are here to help, support, listen and encourage you in whatever you need. Please continue reading through the program and completing the exercises. We are always here for you, not matter what.
Years ago when I was at college I went to see a councilor for a couple of sessions but felt uncomfortable and felt like I was not being taken seriously so I stopped going. I was also seeing someone who stood by me, believed me and even got his cousion to drive and pick me up from college. Problem was I think this got in the way of our relationship, we did go to a couples counselling sessions but seen seperate, he had taken in some drawings that I had done saying these were not normal. Again he was getting more out of it than I was, I did try but I don't know if it's because the place was trying to homely or what and I needed that clinical environment to make me more detached or it was just that I was young and not ready. I really do want to get over my issues and have been looking around for free therapist and reading up on psychotherapy and seeing a psychiatrist but have not come across any yet that are free and self referral. When I feel like self harming it is usually when I feel frustrated and sometimes I hit the wall but manage to stop myself from doing any damage sometimes just little marks on my hand otherwise nothing, I just stop myself from going the full blown hit.
I don't want to worry you I am here for help and started the program so I am on the road to recovery. Just please bear with me on my little rants, thourghts as this is nice to do, no pressures and I know that I'm not judged, I may just write short sentences to vent off this is ok isn't it as I feel safe doing it this way and getting it off my chest.
Thanks for those kind words, I am working my way through the programme with hope that this will help. It's just nice to know like you say I can say what is on my mind and not be judge, and cause I am speaking to those in the same situation.
Welcome to the Depression Centre online support community. Thank you for sharing with us your story. You have been through alot of trauma in the past and it is understandable that you feel the way you do. How often do you think of harming yourself and have you actually done it (with what means)? I hope you have receieved couseling to help you with these issues and if not, consider seeking help from a therapist. We are also here to support you, as other members have already extended theirs.
As Goofy has suggesed, take the time to look through the program as there are tools and homework sessions available to help you keep track of your mood, progress, and feeling better about yourself.
Please don't hesitate to contact us if you have any other questions or concerns.
It’s been a while since you were active on this site. Please extend your session below
You have been logged out due to inactivity.
Please sign back in.
We use cookies to help us learn about how our platform is used and how we can improve your experience. To
learn more please see our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.
! 
