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15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

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Hi Ya`All:

Sorry about the new font , kinda defeating the purpose of getting help if no one can read it. Thank-you Diva for deciphering it.

My social worker said I need to practice relaxation techniques. I am on edge day/night. I just tried to do a body scan which is part of the Mindfulness course I went to & had a couple of panic attacks. You see I am terrified of meds & didn't go on them the first time I had the panic disorder and managed to conquer all my fears through desensitization. It terrified my but I knew I had no other choice to go through it.

How can I possibly relax when as soon as I get up in the morning I'm on edge thinking something is going to happen. Since my surgery I have to drink 5 cups of water a day & even doing this gives me panic every time I have to drink one.

I just don't see the nightmare ending!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

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Hi Ya Diva:

Thanks for your suggestions. I have made an attempt at the visualization & find it very hard to do. Is is something you have to practice as well as the deep breathing?

Do you do the deep breathing even when you don't have an anxiety/panic attack?

Every so often I just feel like squealing.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

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Hi Ya CD:

Sorry to hear about your P'A's returning, glad to hear you were able to stop them from escalating. Do you have to keep telling yourself that you can handle it over & over again when you have the attacks?

What is box breathing, how often do you practice it & do you find it helps?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

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Hi Ya Diva:

Thanks for your reply, if you don't mind me asking what kind of tapes did you get and can you still purchase them?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

Fear of Mental Illness

Hi All:

I had the most frightening experience last night and I wasn't even feeling anxious or panicky. I saw myself in the mirror and thought I was looking at someone else, I thought I was going crazy. I did manage to get some sleep but have been crying a lot thinking I would be ending up in the psych ward. I didn't want to get up this morning or eat anything. I told my mum about it and she said she never felt like that & she got worried about me - so did I.

I thought this is the last straw for me, I just wanted to end it all today. I told my mum that I could never again see myself smiling or laughing and that I thought I would have to check myself into the Clark Institute of Psychology.

What makes this even worse is today is my birthday, the past year of panic disorder, depression and since my surgery back to panic/anxiety and at times depression now this added to it the thought that I was going crazy. I am so glad I came to this program, you have no idea how reading your posts have made me feel, now I know I am not alone in this seemingly unending nightmare. Last night & even this morning I didn't want to look at myself in the mirror in case I would feel that way again.

Thank-you, thank-you for this site & people like yourselves who have the courage to post your deepest fears and in turn people like me can take comfort knowing they are not alone.

As with this horrible disorder there is the anticipation of the same depersonalization happening again, how do you deal with that? I too have felt detached from my body at times. I will look at my arms and feet and they don't seem to be mine.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

Fear of Mental Illness

Hi Again:

Just one question in looking at the board it says the last post on this topic was done by Jane, but it was me. I don't see a Jane anywhere?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

Fear of Mental Illness

Hi Ya CD:

Nice to hear from you again, thanks for your words of comfort and birthday wishes.

I just wonder when this nightmare is going to end. My social worker said to do abdominal breathing and meditation. I tried the walking meditation and breathing one night and I felt more anxious. I find with the walking meditation its very hard to keep focused on your feet as thoughts keep going thought my head.

I personally believe that the anxiety is harder to conquer than panic as there are specific fears to overcome. Anxiety encompasses a whole range of things and of course feelings.

We all must be very strong people to go through this nightmare that at this point doesn't have seem to have an end.

How did you get to the point you are at, is it a good place for you?

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

Fear of Mental Illness

Hi Ya CD:

Thanks for solving the puzzle of Jane.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

Fear of Mental Illness

Hi Ya Diva:

Thanks for you response and birthday wishes. Its good to know that the feeling passes but I'm the kind of person who dwells on things especially anything bad that happens.

I find it nearly impossible to challenge my negative thoughts as I am so good at whipping myself into a frenzy with the negative ones. It seems that I have been negative for so long I don't know how to be any other way.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

Fear of Mental Illness

Hi Ya Faryal:

Thanks for your response. My social worker has said to practice diaphragm breathing and walking meditation, challenging negative thoughts. I have been practicing the breathing for a couple of days now as for challenging my negative thoughts this is very hard for me to do as I said to Diva I am so good at whipping myself into a frenzy so quickly.

The negative thoughts are so strong that they seem to be true. In some cases I have been able to challenge them & come up with more balanced thoughts but it's something I don't do on a regular basis. I just let myself go with the thoughts & I know that's wrong. My social worker said to imagine a subway train when the negative thoughts come I can either wave to them and let them go or open the doors to the train and let them in. A really good analogy but very hard to do.

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