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Posts created by Koneko

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 76

Bah

I felt like I was getting better over the past few days but I've gone crashing down again, I've only been eating small amounts again and fretting over every bite. My fiancee wants me to go visit his parents with him in a few days and I'm getting very anxious just thinking about it, they don't know about my eating anxiety and I'm not sure how I'm going to handle having dinner with them. I can't use the stay at home excuse this time because I really don't want his parents thinking badly of me. It's so horrible I've known them for 10 yrs now and just in the past few months this anxiety with swallowing started.

I'm worried big time over this visit, my fiancee says not to worry about it but I can't stop thinking about what they might think of me if I don't join them for dinner or I don't eat a lot of what they serve. I'm worried about what kind of food they might be having (I won't eat burger or steak atm, too chewy.) 4 days away and I'm totally freaked out, they don't know about it because I haven't seen them since my anxiety began and I'm not sure I want to discuss it with them yet. They aren't the type of people who are very accomodating to anxiety, more like the suck it up type of people.

Ugh to make matters worse since I started typing this I went to have a yogurt and there was a small amount of mold on the top inside corner. I ate some and I'm starting to feel sick. I can't think of anything except this visit which used to be something so easy, now it's a nightmare and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 76

Bah

I'm not sure I can use the sore throat thing either this time because probably about 85% of the time I've gone to visit them I've been sick for real

It just so happens that whenever we've gone to visit them I've had the flu, a cold, etc. They have dogs as well so my allergies get really bad when I go over there.

The last time I went to visit them was the day after my anxiety started but I was really sick at the time. They had burgers and I remember having a really bad panic attack at the table. I forced it down and I don't think they noticed but I really couldn't go through that again. I had to excuse myself from the table and had a really bad coughing fit in the other room. Lucky for me I really was sick so they just thought that it was the cold I had and it very well could have been the cold partly.

I really can't tell them, they aren't the type of people who understand anxiety, let alone the type of anxiety I have. They're very logical so they'd just tell me to suck it up and then start with the "Don't be silly, you have to eat to live..." yadda yadda. I already -know- that but you still can't just tell your brain to stop being annoying and get on with it. Well you can but it doesn't always listen. I don't always think they like me that much either, I was 17 when my fiancee and I got together and he was 19 and they always thought it wouldn't last. 10 yrs later and we've proved that wrong but I still don't think they totally like me. Most of my fiancee's sister's bfs they've gotten along with really well but I'm very shy and quiet even 10 yrs later so I haven't really opened up much at all with them. I've gone off on a rant but I'm really worrying about this visit, I just don't know if I can handle it atm.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 76

A BIG challenge for me...

I just know it will work out fine! Stop in to let us know how it goes

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 76

summer storms are here

Wow congrats! That's great that the storm cause you any panic! I love summer storms, thunder and lightning and the smell of the rain and wet grass. Being able to enjoy something like that that once scared you is really well done, I hope you can enjoy many more storms without feeling panicky

As for movies my two all time favorites would have to be Princess Bride and Willow. My fiancee loves movies and could watch a movie or two a day, I like movies too but I haven't seen any really good ones in awhile so I'm turned off watching movies atm. I'll probably go see the Batman one before it leaves the theater here, keep hearing it's good!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 76

Bah

Thanks Diva, that's exactly how I feel. I definately don't feel like I fit in with his family, my fiancee of course because he's more like me. My family is really laid back and easy going jokesters while his family is more serious/health concious. My fiancee thinks that I don't give his parents enough credit, they are really nice people but I just worry that it won't be accepted and I'm not sure I'm ready to tell them or have my fiancee tell them for me, I don't think I've accepted my anxiety yet either to be honest. I still find not being able to eat sometimes really dumb and frustrating and I'm still not sure how I went from totally fine with no anxiety to having these problems so quickly.

Breanne: My fiancee definately knows how anxious I am, it's not the visiting that worries me obviously, it's the breakfast and lunch and dinner

I really don't want to lie to them about it either but I just don't think I want to tell them right now. I think though if I don't go this time then they might really think something is up. I haven't even really told my own mom yet (she knows a bit but not all, I don't want to worry her) so how can I tell my fiancee's parents?

It's frustrating and worrying me to no end, it's so easy for someone to just tell you to stop worrying about it and that worrying is making it worse (fiancee, he's right I know but it doesn't help) they really don't know how hard it is to stop worrying sometimes. I would love to visit them but I don't want to have to eat in front of them or with them and that's just so terribly rude (swallowing/eating anxiety.) My fiancee has been accommodating up until now with everything but for some reason with this visit he isn't budging. I'm not really sure what to do. I have the option of going to see my mom instead, I think he's just pushing me to get out and not stay at home alone again but I don't really want to visit anyone right now until I get this mostly sorted out. He's done a lot for me, A LOT and I really don't want to disappoint him. I'll probably go and the visit will be nice but come meal times I'm going to be seriously freaking out, maybe not on the surface but definately inside.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 76

Bah

Thank you for the kind words, I think I'll probably just worry about it until I go and then it won't be as bad as I thought when I get there. That's sometimes how it works.

His sister is there with her two babies so I'm hoping that they won't even notice, they'll be too preoccupied with her babies. If they do I think for now I'm just going to go with the excuse (womanly problems, feeling nauseous...) I'm not really ready to tell them the truth. The above wouldn't be a lie, I'm not nauseous but the rest would be true. Sorry if that was a little TMI

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 76

LIFE

Yes I definately feel guilty a lot. I feel bad for my fiancee who has been really supportive but hasn't been able to do much of the things we used to do together lately. That makes me feel guilty all the time.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 76

Bah

My fiancee was right. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and I actually ate more than I would have if I was at home. I think my problem is that since I stay at home atm I have nothing else to focus on but these anxious feelings. I'm going to make an attempt to get out more I think, it helps more than staying at home. I didn't eat as much as I would have normally before but it was still a huge improvement over my eating habits lately.

Everyone was very focused on the babies, I just used the not much of an appetite excuse and ate small portions. The baby's mother was just getting over the stomach flu so she didn't eat much either. No one seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary and the trip was fine in the end. I felt bad not eating much of the chicken they served the other night though because it was tasty but I didn't feel much like eating it.

All in all it turned out okay and I definately was just making it worse than it was. Hopefully for next time I can remember how this trip went and try to not work myself up so much.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 76

Common Phobias

I really only have a fear of heights from that list (besides my eating anxiety.) There's this one stretch of highway that we travel on frequently to visit my fiancee's parents that has no barricades and is a straight drop down on the side. That's the worst part of the trip for me, my anxiety is through the roof!

We're making plans to not visit in winter anymore, the pass is absolutely horrible and unbelievably unsafe, there's always at -least- one accident during the winter where a vehicle goes over. Black ice and whatnot.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 76

Topics: Attitudes

The most recent thing I can think of is the visit I had at my fiancee's parent's house the other day. Watching the babies eat was positive for me, if they can do it so easily I should be able to as well.

I've had many negative attitudes that affected me negatively, too many to list. Reading the successes on here and seeing other people do well has led to many positive outcomes for me and hopefully many more. I believe my attitude is changing slowly for the better but it will just take time. Thinking positive can work for me so I've been trying to do it as much as possible.

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