hope I use this site correctly -
anyway, wonder if anyone out there
has ever 'freaked out' so to speak
in public and how did you deal with
it - and, did it have lasting effects
for a few days after. Maria
I only wish my family would have cared enough about my Mother, my sister and myself to deal with us, instead of, throwing us away. It hurts so deeply to be misunderstood.
However, I am glad the medical community is giving out positive information to the general public, on television and other media venues, about Panic Disorders, so, we who suffer and present our disorder to the public at times, don't seem like real nut cases or ultimately insane. Hollywood should make a really dramatic movie about people with panic disorder. Might make them some money.
Maria
Dear Red,
I understand about facing your fears -
It is just so hard to face them when you
are driving down the road or for no apparant
reason sitting at home a full blown attack
sends me reeling to my feet - peering out the
door to see if anyone is home to help me, biting
my fingers or taking ice cubes to my neck just
to try and distract myself - I am so tired of this -
just had a real bad one this morning driving only
about three miles from my apt. - had to stop at least
four times, pull over to the side and convince myself
will all of my might I was not going to die, pass out or freak out and lose my mind.
I am brave - I am willing to face the dragon - I have faced it - the question is, will it ever die without me having to kill it?
Maria
Dear Red,
I am an expert of Agoraphobia.
It is when you stay in your house
for days at a time - afraid to even
go to the grocery store - going from
one job to another because somedays you
just can't show up because you are afraid
to go out the door - the fear builds up so
bad you become paralyzed - you don't answer
the phone, the door and are totally afraid
someone will see you in your present state.
Panic attacks will do this to you - you think
you are going to have an attack at any moment and
you certainly don't want to have one in public -
they may think you are off your rocker.
Days of no showering - not really depressed, just
cabin feaver with no way out - you will walk out at
night - because, you feel invisible and no one can see
you if you freak out.
Maria
P.S. Another tell tale sign of agoraphobia is always
going to the door or window and peeking out - to see if someone is coming or is there - to see if anyone can see you. Sounds really weird, huh? Happens to me sometimes and I am in public relations - no one knows how I suffer. I suffer in silence - medicated by my doctor.
My step father was cruel to my mother because of her
panic attacks - my husband could not be bothered
and began cheating on me - and, here I sit, still in
love with him - and, he could care less. Mental illness is a absoulute unacceptabe weakness in his eyes.
I think many spouses are terrified of this illness and
in some cases, like mine, have not the least bit of
interest in finding out about it. Any advice?
Maria
Dear Mr Bubble,
I understand what you are saying about "I survived the panic attack - and did not die". While I am in the throws of the attack and it is crecendoing I want to be able to say "sure, I am going to be o.k." - but, I cannot do that. If it is a small scale attack, I can usually talk my way out of it. But, the one just the other night was brutal. I am still terrified of this wierd phenomenon. You speak as if you are in control of your panic attacks. Sometimes I am, I take my medication as go on my merry way - then, out of no where it appears and flings me about like a rag doll.
I think I am going to like this site. Seems as though it is brand new - I will continue to participate.
I hope someone will be out there for me if I have one at home.
Bye for now,
Maria
I belong to the most beautiful and well equipped gym I have ever seen. I love to go, but, after having massive panic attacks in the middle of many aerobic sessions, I just stopped going. I decided to give it another go. Being agoraphobic makes the 16 mile drive seem really frightening and I must take my anti anxiety med. before I go. Then I can enjoy myself at the gym. Having a MVP (Mitral Valve Prolapse),I found out, was what was triggering the panic attact at the gym - does anyone have any comments on MVPs vs. Excercising? Wish me luck, I am going to the gym in a few minutes.
Bye for now,
Maria
Red, Just got back - it was closing, too funny. Anyway had no problems driving the whole way.
As far as my heart goes, I do have to take an
antibiotic always before I have any dental work
done. Maybe I should see a cardiologist about it.
Right now I do not have health insurance, so, that will have to wait until I make some more money.
However, what do antibiotics have to do with an MVP?
I never mentioned this problem to the Dr. I am seeing now that only monitors my medication.
Maria
P.S. I have been listening to some great meditation tapes of late and, with regards to the subject of this discussion - encourages ones with fear to lean into the fear. I would just love to be able to conquer this 'thing' naturally. Any thoughts on spiritual healing, etc.
I have found writing poetry about situations dealing with my panic disorder and agoraphobia, over the years, has served as a record of constant ebbs and flows of my phychological behaviors. By my posting some of my work - be it personal - I hope I encourage others to post their works of poetry - I would be very interesting in sharing. Here is one to start with.
The Rain Doth Comfort Me
By Maria November 25, 1999
Tho I remember the sweetest touch of them all
I pray the voice of the rain doth not stop today
For this morning is of silent voices flying through
My mind’s atmosphere like the breath of a child
‘tis the gasp of my mother & child…of those
Who have fallen, yet my stride takes heed
With the ear of a fawn listening for a twig’s
Aide memoire of fear & a secluded thicket
If only this sun would not come through the veil
Of soft grays to burn & wither the innocent souls
In my valley today…for now I am quiet & pensive
Within these strange walls that bleed oblivion
Dear All,
I live in an old seaside apartment with a gas stove. I was researching carbon dioxide and other fumes re: gas stoves - I had been smelling an toxic odor in my apartment for about a year - come to find out, condensed carbon dioxide fumes (and others) can contribute to panic attacks. I was really concerned, to say the least. I called the gas company this morning and they came out quickly - gave my stove a complete 'check up' and found one leak that they said had been there from day one - that means for 2 and one half years I have been inhaling, sleeping in etc. an excess amount of carbon dioxide. They fixed it - the odor is gone and I certainly feel better. So, my point is, check you gas appliances for good measure.
Maria
P.S. For the average person, this may have not been an issue, but, people prone to panic attacks are much more sensitive to many things others are not. Anyone agree?
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