Twisted Fate

Dear Red, First of all, where is 'here'? and, when your friends come by and take you out, how do they do it? Is it in a wheel chair? Forgive me if I seem insensitive, but, I am truly curious about your situation. I admit I am at a loss for words. I can only imagine how your life must be. However, I will not do you the disservice of pouring sorrow your way - I would never take away your dignity, in fact I give dignity to you! You know, in the end, we are all only spirit. And, I believe, even while on this earth plane, we can strive to be spirit. I know, I know, this does not deal with the physical. Do you get massage therapy? This would be a great way to get phyiscal contact. Again, if I am being stupid about your situation, forgive me. I remeber when I lived in Omaha for a few months, my son lives there. For the life of me, I could not find a bit of beauty in the environment there. Came back to Florida as soon as Spring broke. I need to be enveloped in the beauty of nature. Be surrounded by beautiful things, colors, etc. If I am not, I get sick - feel depressed. I am a Libra and we need beauty and balance. What sign are you, and, are you close to nature - and, does the beauty of nature give you any solice? Bye for now, Maria

Thought

Dear Red, Just thinking, we could co-author a book. Words from hearts like ours, that may touch others. I believe anything's 'possible'. Let's think of some names for our book, books, let's write a series! We certainly would not be invisible anymore if it made on the best sellers list! Instead of Post Cards From The Edge, by Carrie Fisher, we could call our book, Posts From The Fringe, by Red and Maria. Hey, I'm a writer, I can't help myself. ;) Bye for now, Maria

Twisted Fate

Thank you for filling me in on your life, I appreciate it. As for the book, I am serious, I am a writer. Read over the post I wrote about the technicalities involved in getting started ... theme, outline, type, seems like an easy task, but, really, this is the hard part. After everything is laid out, we do the easy part, what we do best. I am winding down from a chaotic day, am tired. So, Here are a few ideas I can throw at you tonight. Short Stories - with illustrations. The short stories would be our experiences, embellished towards the dramatic. What do you think? Or, poetry and illustrations (hard to sell poetry books) - the publishing houses like novels. Self help books are in - spiritual books are in - little inspiration books are in - think about it... Nite Nite, Maria

hi

An MVP is a Mitral Valve Prolapse of the heart - just one of the common denominators of 'panic'. Sounds like you need a flat mate - I know that's not always possible - I feel intense lonliness sometimes, too. But, it seems the 'panic beast' keeps me close to home. Write Back, Maria P.S. What kind of meds are you taking that allow you to drink? If I had even one glass of wine, I would be asking for trouble - I would definately be feeling super weird and then, a panic attack would surely set in. Any little thing can trigger an attack these days - even walking down a spooky road at night, near my house, or, watching a freaky movie or even if I think things are weird, and they really aren't, I can feel one coming on. Freaky, huh? I am only periodically this 'panic sensitive'.

hi

I dunno, but, when I read your posts I read it with a British accent. ;) Were you going to get back to me about those dreams? Or do I have the wrong person? Wow about you witnessing Sept.11th - I am still stunned by the whole incident - and, I do worry and pray for our guys overseas. Bye for now, Maria

hi

Dear Charlie, If you can come to terms with your panic attacks without medication, that would be great! Some of the meds are extemely addictive. Do you know anything about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - ya know, 'thinking it through, positive self talk' and the like? How do you know you are having actual panic attacks, do you see a Doctor? Do you think you have agoraphobia? Bye for now, Maria

anxiety attacks despite being on paxil

Dear Cerri, Glad you found this group - it will help you in many ways. I can relate to you in every aspect of your panic dilemma! I am a veteran of panic attacks. The people in my life when I began having them were absolutey the most unsupportive - just because it was 'freaky', they felt uncomfortable and did not want a wife, daughter or friend to 'act' that way. As if I was doing this whole thing for fun or could just turn it off at will. I have been in the E.R. a few times in the beginning when I was undiagnosed- very very frightening - I know how it feels to be out of control in front of people - not fun at all. If I was near you, I would give you a big hug and tell you everything was going to be o.k.-it will as soon as you find a doctor with a heart! I want you to say this affirmation to yourself daily, write it down or just copy and paste and print so you can remember to read it everyday: "I will not allow anyone to get in the way of my trying to control my panic situation - I will be the one to analyze how my head feels regarding medications - I will not allow anyone's reactions to my panic situation to belittle or embarrass me; I know their reaction is only due to misinformation, misunderstanding or total ignorance about my panic situation. I will empower myself with knowledge, I will research the strange phenomena of 'panic disorder' - I will win this battle and gain control!" Now, getting to the medicatin issue. The only med. that has ever ever helped me in Ativan. They do not like to give it these days because of addiction - and, Paxil is, the supposed miracle 'cure all' drug of the new Millenium. However, it made me feel worse. So, I just found a doctor that would work with me. I only take one anti anxiety medication, and it really does keep the 'beast' at bay. My panic attacks will never be cured, because I have an MVP in my heart (mitral valve prolapse, common in 'panic people' - do you know if you have one?). You own your panic disorder! If there is someone who gets in your way, does not even try to understand, push them aside, you don't need them! You need positive affirmations from compassionate people! The fact you found this site is a good sign! You want to get better & gain control Find a psychiatrist that will listen to

anxiety attacks despite being on paxil

Dear Cerri, If I was married, I would want my husband to have the last word in my life (on certain things, of course) - is it necessary that your parents hold precedence over your husband? Just wondering why such a tight parental hold over you when you are a married woman. Bye for now, Maria

anxiety attacks despite being on paxil

Dear Cerri, Sounds like you are on a postive roll. Good for you! Bye for now, Maria ;) P.s. ((((((((((hug))))))))))

How much does touch help?

When I was running out of the movie theatre in a state of panic, tunnel vision honing in - hearing nothing but the beat of my heart, seeing the mouths moving on the faces of the people around me but hearing no sound just the fuzz in my head - I was no one, just lost in the crowd - I ran in the bathroom to find solace, found none, ran back out to the maze of a 24 movie theatre - I was 'peaking', freaking, out of control - all I could think of was to find a police officer, a stranger - and when I did make my way to the police officer, he did take me in his arms, told me everything was going to be o.k., he would take care of me - and he did, he called the paramedics - then, while he was consoling me in front of probably 100 people (I did not care) a wonderful lady, a professor at FAU in a beautiful black suit with sweet eyes - looked into mine - she saw me having trouble from way across the crowd - made her way to me and said: Look into my eyes, I won't leave you, are you having a panic attack? She took me into her arms, her friend, who is a nurse, also put her arms around me - two strangers saw my plight, came to my side - I will never forget those two courageous, compassionate women - they stayed with me until my friends were found in the theatre - they even came inside the emergency vehicle with me - when my friends came, they even stayed to explain. They walked me to our car and we said a good bye only two people who share the same panic attacks can do. They were strangers that helped me through a horrendous situation. There are many wonderful people out there in the world - I only hope I will be able to reach out and help someone like me someday, I will feel honored. Bye for now, Maria