Hello everyone, I finally feel like I hit rock bottom this past Sunday. I was pulled over for OUI failed field sobriety test and will soon lose my license. I was on a downward spiral and my wife saw it coming. Mentioned my excessive drinking, disappearing so I could drink and not knowing when to stop. Well the embarrassment and pain I've felt yesterday made me realize I cannot live like this anymore. I need and want more out of life and what I'm offering to myself and the others around me seems ridiculous to me but continue to drink. I hope to learn a lot from this forum and looking forward to learning and sharing my experiences as I try to control my drinking and eventually stop. I'm so concerned about not succeeding because I have been a casual non stop drinker for 20 + years. It's part of my life seems to be engrained of who I am but no longer want it to be!
Jakelad I'm sure you are right my drinking seems to be slowly escalating to a point of black out drunk once every couple of weeks. Waking up trying to remember exactly what I did. If I do continue I will surely lose everything. I'm trying to figure out why why why I drink now till I'm completely totaled. Use to know my limits and hope I can stop. I will check out the link you provided. Thanks
Jakelad so glad to hear your life is back on track!! I'm sure it was a long hard struggle. I'm on day 4 without drinking and I don't think or even remember that I've gone this long without a drink in 5 years. I know I just need to quit totally but having a tough time thinking it's going to affect my social life- I know it's just an excuse. But realize the people I associate with when I drink doesn't help. And I know I treat drinking like a friend a good comforting friend too. Kez I'm looking into joining a local support group and deal do some private counseling. I've had some trauma in my life I don't think I've dealt with and need to address which I "think" is adding to me dealing with depression and anxiety issues and ultimately drinking issues.
Taking it one day at a time right now... made it through New Years around people drinking and drank diet coke and water! Felt good today!
Hi Kez,
Interested to see what type of therapist you went to? I'm at a point I need to talk with someone about why I do what I do? I totally lost control of my drinking lately and hit a wall with why... I'm frustrated and worried about the anxiety getting the best of me. I was having small panic attacks the last couple of days. Don't want to reach for a drink to calm myself... feel like I've missed so much in life self medicating myself with alcohol that totally scared to stop and admit there is something wrong.
My social life is drinking...
I'm more social and likeable when I drink...
I'm not hurting myself or anyone around me...
I justify that I'm not a bad example to my daughter that everyone does it...
I don't try to influence others to drink so I can drink more...
I don't spend a lot on drinking...
It helps me cope with day to day stresses...
I don't drink that much, so I blacked out a few times this month who hasn't...
I don't look forward to a drink at the end of the day...
I like going out with friends and drinking it's a release and I deserve it...
I haven't disappeared all day and night getting drunk somewhere and my wife is wondering where I am- she just needs to give me some space I'm a grown man...
I know all this is all "FALSE" and this is what I rationalize in my head all the time.
Thanks for the great feedback Kez, Dave and Foxman. I had these thoughts this morning when I woke up. Laying in bed trying to justify I don't "drink" that much. Maybe I can just have one or two from now on "I can do that". I know where that leads me and can't justify it anymore without poking holes in my ridiculous justifying thoughts. I haven't drank in 5 days since I woke up in a jail cell, bloodied from apparently falling down blacked out drunk.
I feel like I'm in mourning. Feel like I have a hole in my gut like someone I know died- that person who died is the person I want to die the drunk me and I'm hoping that person is slowly slipping away to it's death. I just know I can't do this anymore... numbing myself. I'm missing out on life and having clarity -which I'm not sure I've ever had. Kez I think we have wrong self perceptions about ourselves that we need to throw out the window. I'm to a point I don't care what people think -I need to fix this for me. If they don't like me when I'm the drunk me they aren't worth socializing with...
Thanks Dave for the supporting feedback. One of the toughest most embarrassing weeks of my life. I hope my brain is being re-wired for the better and know I'm on a low right now- trying to take a deep breathe. You are spot on about the toxic "drinking" buddies. When you realize the "only" time you talk to them is when you have a drink in your hand something isn't right!
Tx- Kirk
Hi Ashley,
To start with this support site has been very helpful and inspirational. It's been a week since I drank and feel Great. I read your post last night and didn't want to reply right away because it is a great thought provoking exercise to challenge your beliefs. I re-read my post several times and probably overanalyzed it but I would say I still believe 95% of it is true. I however have self doubt and having a sense of disappointment in myself. Disappointed I let my drinking out of control and keep saying "if" I just did this "if" I just stopped that night "if" I just do this in the future... blah, blah, blah. I know it's a crock of "****". I knew and know now I needed to stop drinking for a long time before something really, really bad happened.
I know one of the "statements" that is going to be hard is that I am a social person, like going out, like activities being busy, "but" they always seemed to be revolved around drinking or drinking after the activity. I'm going to miss that aspect of the "drinking me". I know I need to learn healthy alternatives, it's a big world out there.
Done a lot of reading, lot of thinking and need to dig deep and keep digging deep inside me to know my triggers and "why" I drank so much and to continue the path I'm on. Really need to think more about this one... great question.
Tx Kirk
Hi Star, I was wondering if you think your husband should stop drinking as well? Do you think he over indulges or over uses alcohol? Unfortunately I know "way" to many couple friends where if one drinks the other does and I'm sure drinking could perpetuate over time to an unhealthy environment around alcohol. Just was curious...
I know it's difficult when your spouse isn't on board with you or you feel he/she doesn't have your back totally. I still have a 1/2 gallon of vodka in my house and several beers in the fridge. I know I should probably get rid of them but my wife drinks rarely and told her I want alcohol out of my life. I'm not sure if she totally gets it, I don't think she thinks I have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. So, I just do what I need to do for me. Which I know has already improved our marriage and I think she is finally seeing the difference. Stick to your guns with what is best for "you".
-K
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