I am new here, not new to quitting. I am a 30 yr smoker and do not want to check out any time soon. Have a family history of smokers and have worked with people that die from smoking. I am a recovering alcoholic, so I know how, but knowing and doing are two different things. Unlike AA which is very prevalent, I have no actual "support group" to go to. I accidentally found this site, I am a firm believer in "God shots" ;). So, I am hoping to get some help. I had only 3 yesterday, today not so much. I am now done, no cigarettes in house, lighters and ashtrays gone. I am a business owner, married mother of 4 grown children and a two year old grand daughter. I am not "planning" or procrastinating this another minute. I am done. I hate the smell, sick of feeling like crap; coughing, fatigue. I have quit cold turkey for a day or two in past, my Dr. said, "No way" to the Chantix. So I am on the patch for now, had a lot of friends say it helps. Gum is out, have peppermints to keep oral fixation busy, and my schedule is full most of time; usually struggle first thing in morning and evenings when day is winding down. Open to all and any help, suggestions and support I can get.
Thanks Guys! Well one day down. It was not too bad, granted I have the patch on, but I was a two pack a day plus smoker, so it helps, but it doesn't make the urge go away completely. I love the N.O.P.E. posted it on sticky notes all over. I spent most of my day driving today, and surprisingly I had little urge to smoke. When I did I popped a lifesaver and turned up the radio. I CAN do this!! I appreciate all your encouragement. I am quite familiar with over coming addiction, as I said.. but this is a nasty demon. I know it's going to be tough, but I plan on sticking with it, no matter what.
Rough day today, patch I put on was defective; apparently it sometimes happens half hour into my day I was ready to go insane. I didn't buy any cigarettes and was so thankful I didn't keep any, this time around. I stopped and got some new patches and stuck one on, but seemed to struggle all day still. I did NOT give in though. I just stayed busy (and crabby..LOL). Rewarded myself by buying some healthy snacks and juices at store after work. Spent the evening washing walls and trying to get my house de-stunk. Glad today is over and know this too shall pass...
Everyone keeps saying this gets easier, I am finding it harder as the days go by; or maybe it's because all week long I am alone at home, and now everyone is here. So in turn of adjusting to just my schedule and my old habits, I am now dealing with all the kids and grand daughter. I just take a lot of deep breaths, grab a snack, take a walk. I find morning and night still to be the hardest times for me. I can't sleep with the patch on, so by the time I wake up I am super craving, I have managed to wait long enough to get through one cup of coffee before putting on my patch. I do not want to keep having to rely on the patch, yet I also know according to my assessment on my smoking; I am highly addicted and smoked more than most women my age. SO.. with all of that I am struggling, but not caving. I can smell the left over cigarette smell in my home and car, spending the weekend finishing up cleaning all of that. Hoping all the hard work will make me think twice if I think I want to light up again; I just keep telling myself; one day, one minute at a time.
Ok so I was doing rather well, and "In a moment of madness" I bought a pack and smoked one.. just one.. and it was the worst feeling ever. I do not want to smoke, I am just addicted. No other reason. I know that, it is like when I quit drinking, except I smoked way way more than I ever drank. I need to stick with the N.O.P.E. find more support from fellow quitters; not people that have been smokers ten years ago, but people that are going through the day to day struggles now. On the upside, I threw away 19 cigarettes, and took that trash straight to the burn barrel. That was yesterday, today I am on day one... again. I know or have read that a lot of people trying to quit relapse, but I was taught in my AA meetings, that though it happens, it isn't okay, it is no excuse. Wish they had smoker's anonymous meetings as prevalent as they do AA..
My resolve is plenty strengthened. There are no reasons; and like an good addict I can find a million excuses. Not going to worry about a slip, just going to keep trudging forward on the recovery. I can and will do this once and for all. N.O.P.E.
Glad I am not loosing my mind...LOL.. couldn't find the thread either, but its here so that is good. I screwed up and back at day one. Made it all day today.. sigh. I can do this. Just have to dig my heals in and quit listening to the excuses my sick head comes up with.
First week down. One day at a time. I haven't had an easy time, hard as H** some days, sometimes I just have to get through the minute, or three. I went to my mother's today, she smokes like a freight train and the smell made me literally nauseous; maybe that is a good thing. I am drinking more water than I ever have in my life, sleeping better and eating healthier as well. Who would have thought one step would lead to several others. I read your post Red, and it is my biggest fear that my heart or lungs will fail due to 30 plus years of smoking, at 44 I am not ready for that to happen. I watched a lot of my friends go in for unrelated surgeries end up on vents for days due to lung damage, not what they originally had surgery for. I watch my mother who is not old by any means struggle to breathe as she walks from one end of her house to the other. I DO NOT want to be that person. I am not getting any younger, and I am sure there is irreperable (sp) damage done but I am determined not to continue harming myself anymore. No matter how hard some of the moments get I will Not take another puff.. N O P E..
I tell myself everyday I do not smoke is a miracle. I also can find a hundred excuses to smoke... Just no good reason. We don't want to say it but we are addicts; addicted to nicotine. Addicts have the only disease that tells them they do not have it, it talks to us. I am very edgy when all of my family comes home on the weekends; normally during the week I am home alone. Yet, I have told them as well as myself, that it is going to take some time for me to get through this. My body, my brain all of me is going through major withdraw, chemical changes, all kinds of things. I am trying to learn new behaviors physically and emotionally while not smoking. The biggest thing to tell your significant other that this is about you not him.. that you may need some time and space to get through the rough part of quitting, or that you may be a little nuts..LOL for a bit. It is all normal.. as far as whether its real.. it is but it may not be HIS fault as much as it is withdraw. Keep up the great work, and breathe, take a bath, go for a walk, journal, whatever it takes to not smoke. You can do this!!
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