More concretely I feared a blow up with the ex. That has always been a huge trigger for me that I can't control. Well this week brought a huge blow up--far worse than anything I could have imagined.
So far so good, but this has been the hardest I've had to fight since the first couple of days. I even found myself walking to the store to buy a pack and just have one. Luckily the walk lasted longer than the crave...
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 7/26/2008 Smoke-Free Days: 26 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 780 Amount Saved: $130.00 Life Gained: Days: 3 Hrs: 22 Mins: 36 Seconds: 8
I'm glad you found this place--the people here are awesome.
I too lost a 5 year quit and a two year stint. Amazing, isn't it, how this addiction can keep a hold on you for years after you've put them down?
Stay connected to the site and be honest. Of all my quit aids this place ranks number one.
Would your husband support avoiding the bar for a bit while you get a good solid quit under your belt? It sounds like that's your number one trigger, so you want to be strong before you go back there. Maybe some BBQs with friends at home for a month or two until you get your feet solidly planted?
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 7/26/2008 Smoke-Free Days: 27 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 810 Amount Saved: $135.00 Life Gained: Days: 3 Hrs: 23 Mins: 54 Seconds: 15
This is such a tough addiction. Rationally I can tell myself that after 30 days I'm not fighting nicotine withdrawal. I realize it's just the addict looking to engage in the behavior of smoking.
But damn it has its hooks in me.
Just taking one moment at a time and continually reminding myself of my reasons for quitting.
Thanks so much for continuing to stand with me..I feel like such a whinny baby
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 7/26/2008 Smoke-Free Days: 30 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 900 Amount Saved: $150.00 Life Gained: Days: 4 Hrs: 11 Mins: 59 Seconds: 50
My greatest fear came through--the EX is re-opening her claims for full custody of our kids. The triggers were flowing like roaring rapids. All this stress and my mis-dosage on the nicotine replacement therapies have left me in a tough place--first too much then not enough.
I need to take a few days to "get my quit back" and start over.
I learned a lot from these 30 days and know my experiences will only make me stonger--they will only increase my resolve. I screwed up, but my desire to quit isn't gone or dimished in any way.
You guys have been awesome. Sorry to let you down...but I will be back soon
Ron
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 7/26/2008 Smoke-Free Days: 31 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 930 Amount Saved: $155.00 Life Gained: Days: 4 Hrs: 13 Mins: 55 Seconds: 0
Though my struggle you have reminded me so much of my tough, ornery--and all-time-favorite--Uncle: Your posts always had the right dose of "stand up and dust yourself off," "atta boy," and "stop sniveling and get on with it."
Keep your no prisoners attitude and your sardonic wit extra sharp as they are valuable weapons in this war.
Follow your own advice and look here for support through this. We're here for you in this battle just as you have been for us in ours...
Plus us history geeks need to stick together.
Thanks for all your help, best of luck and all my wishes for a speedy recovery,
Ronner
(BTW No one gets to call me that but Patrick--so I better not see it in any other posts!!)
My Milage:
My Quit Date: 9/6/2008 Smoke-Free Days: 19 Cigarettes Not Smoked: 570 Amount Saved: $95.00 Life Gained: Days: 2 Hrs: 19 Mins: 31 Seconds: 32
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