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7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

Hello everyone! So... I had an "event."

I was having a lot of physical health problems.... back pain, leg pain, nausea, and insomnia for the last few months. I finally was so sick and tired, I took a Xanax I had in my cabinet (from a year ago) and something amazing happened.

All my physical problems went away. I was shocked! So I wondered, maybe all my problems were from anxiety.

They were. (Long story short)

I'm just amazed at how a mental issue can cause such physical symptoms like I experienced.

I went to my doctor and got a daily medication for anxiety, and I'm feeling much better. I'm on a medication that has no side effects, and I can stop any time without tapering the dose. My physical issues are gone, and I'm sleeping great.

I share this because my ordeal got me thinking about people who drink too much. Maybe there are others out there who are suffering with anxiety, depression, or a combination of the two? If you think this may be you, I suggest you speak to a doctor you trust and try something different. Maybe all you need is a medicine for a short time, and your life will improve as mine has.

Wishing you all the best.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

Thanks, ND, and WT.

It's so nice to have other women to talk to that seem to be in the same situation as I am. I actually told my husband that I was offended at our friend's behavior when he was here. He didn't disagree, so that was good. I also told my daughter that I won't allow this guy to treat her poorly again. That made her very happy. Then, I told my husband that if he wants to watch the game and drink with a guy who doesn't like kids, the two guys should either go to a bar, or to our friend's house, which is only about a mile away.

I'm doing well, WT. It's a new day, and I'm feeling good. I'm back to exercising again after my back being hurt for the 100th time, and things are looking up. My daughter started her homeschool classes and I have some free time. Ahhhh... freeeeee tiiiiimmmmeeeee. haha!

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 52

Well said Nodrama! As a newbie, my biggest challenge is the automatic want to turn to a glass of wine when I'm feeling stressed, upset, disappointed, hurt, irritated etc. What I find helps is making sure that there is a reward for me when I get through a tough moment or just deciding that I don't have to get through the moment at all and removing myself from the situation altogether. Right now I'm admiring a big bouquet of flowers I bought after surviving a family gathering :-)

As for serving your husband and friend, I agree with Nodrama. Let them serve themselves and make plans with a friend of your own or your daughter and go on a outing to the spa, hair salon, shopping, a picnic... whatever makes you happy.

My husband once had a friend who was inappropriate with my family members and created a lot of stress for me. I finally had to tell my husband that I would prefer that he make plans to hang out with him somewhere other than our home. It just wasn't fair to everyone else to have to endure his behaviour. It wasn't easy and the friend took it hard but I had a responsibility to take care of myself and my family and couldn't allow him to continually disrupt our home life.

I hope that you are feeling better about things today. Please let us know how you are doing.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 421

Hi Flipflopmom! As someone that tried to moderate and it worked--but, I resented it. It really felt like I was just turning over my influences to my husband to watch over me---which isn't really moderation at all. It's just putting myself in a cage so to speak. I decided that when I was on my own...I didn't and couldn't moderate. I just didn't want too stop when I didn't have anyone to answer to when I had the freedom. That's what I found out. And that was a turning point for me. I realized I only got tired of being sober it seemed as I was nearing a time when I was going to get to drink. Just waiting around being sober so I can worry about it and worry about not going overboard and it's just so much work. Right? It's kind of like I was searching for something I could have control over when I didn't really have control---and then at that point the booze has the freedon/control. SO, what I discovered....not drinking...well that's control of myself that's the ultimate freedom! No one is opening my mouth and pouring it in me. I can say no. I have that power. I may not have it once I start and need a gate keeper for moderation---who wants the normies to have the right to give us the eyeball if we pour a 2nd drink when we are moderating. It's not freedom---again that's being in a cage we built ourselves just for booze! Here's the thing when I don't start at all...well then I get to decide on me.

All that said---your friend being over and your serving drinks to him and your hubby is a bad dynamic. I think. And seeing them have fun and be buddies just makes drinking romantic and fun and exciting. I think that coming here and telling on the AV in your head was just the perfect thing to do! You took it under your own control. Good job!

I'd suggest---next time hubby feels like having a little football party, go spend some of his money. Go get a facial or massage. Or get your nails done. Then when you look at them you'll feel pretty and in control! You got this!!

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

Sometimes I'm just sick of being sober.

This weekend, we had a "friend" over and he and my husband sat, drank, watched football while I served them dinner and drinks. UGH. My "friend" treated my daughter poorly, and I've decided that I'm offended at his behavior and won't cook for him again. He has no kids, and frankly is just a selfish ******* at times. This is the same friend who's party a few months ago made me remember how my childhood was with all the drunk madness and inconsistency. I remember saying I have to re-evaluate my friendship with this guy, but thought that now that he is divorced he may be different. What a silly idea.

Anyway, sometimes I just want to go backward, be lazy, and stop being sober. I don't feel angry or resentful at these times (I think) I just want to drink to drink. It's an odd type of hypnosis I feel, like the feeling comes over me and I daydream about the freedom to just drink, catch a buzz, and not care. How lame. Maybe that's the trick that Foxman talks about? The trick of the first drink? I don't know...

After a day or so of resisting, (It's not that difficult, really, just annoying at the time) I'm fine, happy to be sober, and proud of my success. I guess maybe I have to do something different during the urges.... break up the routine a bit... eat some chocolate? Take a walk? Drink some coke?

If anyone has a suggestion, I'd love to hear it.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

That's very strange. Some of the comments in the last week have been deleted. Maybe the admins can get them back somehow? I sure hope so.

Thank you for the information, Julie. I'll definitely look into those resources. This weekend we had my daughter's birthday party. We had an enormous blow up slide that was 15 feet tall going into my pool from Friday night until this afternoon. It was so fun and hilarious to slide down that crazy thing, I felt like a kid again.

One of my friends showed up drunk at 11am to my house. I was so worried for her, as she has never been like this before. I think she hides her drinking from me. We always get together to do things with our kids, so drinking has never been something we've done together. I'm sure she thought she was hiding it from us all, but I know my husband noticed, and anyone that hugged her could smell it. What a shame.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Something funny happened when I just tried to post here?? Hoping I didn't somehow erase this thread?

Flipflopmom,

I have found a few resources very helpful in approaching meditation. One is an app "Insight Timer" which has guided meditations, music, groups for questions etc. Another is the book "Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World" by Danny Penman and Mark Williams.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 345

Hi Flipflopmom,

For the Complex B vitamins just follow the directions on the bottle. Just make sure you get them from a reputable health food store so that you get something that is high quality. I find they really help. The best way to get magnesium is by taking a bath in epsom salts...about a cup to a cup and a half should do it. Otherwise, you can also take a supplement. The powdered form is the most absorbable. Iodine is best taken through food such as eggs or sea vegetables. I get the ready to eat seaweed and just snack on it from time to time.

Glad you're feeling better and remember, it takes time to deal with stuff that we used to medicate for.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1562

My mouth watered, and I daydreamed for a second about putting my mouth under the spout and drinking until I was in a stupor.

I could totally relate to that. I would wonder how to go by the wine/beer aisle in the groceries or for that matter go pour gas at the gas station. And then I ran into my mentors talk where he was talking about the 10th step promises. That once I totally accept that I cant have any more and work the reminder of the 12 steps I will be placed in a position of neutrality. The obsession will be lifted.

I would suggest that deep down within you have to realize that alcohol is just a symptom. Like you said, you have to accept life the way is.

Like Eckhart would say:

Surrender to what is. Say "yes" to life - and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.

7 years ago 0 +0 / -0 113

Thank you so much for the support, ladies. I really needed it, and you were there for me, as usual.

I apologize for not responding sooner. My internet went out today, and I tried many times to respond using my phone, but it wouldn't work. It was frustrating!

I managed to re-group, and go back to my thinking about the Ekhart Tolle chapter on accepting things as they are. It's so hard for me to just roll with the punches of life sometimes, but I have to keep working on it. I'm trying to detach from my addiction to controlling everything around me.

Now that I don't drink, I feel like such a cry baby... all emotional and boo-hoo-y much more than I would like to be. I get embarrassed that I cry to my friends about things that I feel should be less hurtful than they are. This is also a work in progress.

Julie, if you have any suggestions on how to meditate, I'd love that... and TS, if you have those supplements and the doses, I'd love to try that as well.

I have yet to do it, but I will write down my goals for the school year to keep my sobriety. I admit, I went out to lunch with my daughter the other day and the restaurant had a frozen margarita machine.... My mouth watered, and I daydreamed for a second about putting my mouth under the spout and drinking until I was in a stupor. Oh my, that's so bad, but it's the truth. I guess there will be times when I want to drink, it just depends on what I do in those tough times.

Having you here is such a huge help for me. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate you all taking the time to help me up when I'm struggling.

Blessings to you all!

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