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16 years ago 0 3043 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
heee heee thanks DailyLama. I don't need much today to set me off on the giggls, but your post is so true. I had "the" discussion with my husband years ago for the housework and some time ago for the meals (he did a 3 month stint at ITHQ!!) The past few weeks he is the mr dad and I am the workaholic bread-winner since it is my office that pays over-time not his... the january budget is tight. We spoke about it yesterday... and chouette said that because I am not getting all the rest I really need, he does not mind taking care of kids and home. He finds the house work less stressful that office work so he can get and hour or three of video games between tasks...
16 years ago 0 1890 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi, Brooke, I've had various rants about this domestic job-sharing issue on this site before because so many women are stuck with the housework and a job while the spouse doesn;t help at all. I don;t get it. Two adults enter into a love relationship and obviously they have discussed many things that must be shared in this marriage... where did the housework discussion go?? I mean, did you tacitly smile and agree that the house was your gig while he gets to lounge in the chair after a hard day;s work at the office??/ I mean, what is that? I don't want to come across as some larger than life male feminist but it really does get my goat that men act all stupid and helpless when it comes to the cooking and cleaning and ironing - but are adept at the "big" jobs like replacing a light bulb and screwing in fancier light switch plates and all that macho crap. Most likely men have had their own apartments and have had to cook and clean for themselves before they got into a marriage. What makes you think that they have the right to wipe their hands and leave all the domestic work to you??? Sit down with him and talk about it seriously. He HAS to see the moral discrepancy in what he does/doesn't do in the house. Tell him you trust in his intelligence to see that you cannot become some kind of domestic slave to his Mister Master. You're smart. You've had an adulthood living alone with your habits and pleasures and you've developed a sense of real order in your perception of how your world works; this is as it should be. Tell him this is a sine qua non in your life... Teach him how to make macaroni and cheese and how to use the vacuum cleaner and how to do the laundry and ironing... tell him he's not a child and you're not his Mommy!!!
16 years ago 0 11 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Perth, Thanks. It is good to hear other perceptions. Brooke
16 years ago 0 3043 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Brooke, I wouldn't say, you lack maturity ... it's just not the area of your interest. You need to decide what you'll do. Whether you want to further forgo this area and solve the housekeeping situations in an alternative way or you want to try and learn having that role. I can say for me, I always wanted to forgo it. Until I've realized that no one forces me taking that role. I also got to know smart and successful women who had no problems there. So I understood that you need to know who you are, and there are a lot of options where you can classify yourself in. The world isn't only of black and white. There are a lot of colours and a lot of combinations of colours. And when people around you wouldn't see all those subtle variations of life, then you can show to them by living your own imagination. Just know who you are or want to be. You say, you measure yourself by succeed in job, weight, looking happy. Do you think, all people would measure you by those characters? When not, who wouldn't? Can you see yourself with the eyes of those ones? wishing you all the best
16 years ago 0 11 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi to all! Yes, i think that i have always looked down on housewives thinking they have chosen a boring lifestyle. To be honest, i think it comes from my mother, this adversion to this lifestyle. My mom is a hard working mom and wife in the traditional sense. I think of her as a martyr. She puts everyone first and pushes herself through sickness. I have never been that strong. I get easily overwhelmed and can give up due to stress. I am the baby of the family and was 'spoiled' so i didn't grow up working in the house. I am still treated like the baby at times too. But growing up i was not interested in cooking and housekeeping so i never learned those skills. I tried hard trying not to follow in my moms footsteps. Instead, i missed out on some skills that most adults need. I feel too that, yes, it is time to 'grow up' but not sure how. It is like i am realizing that i lack some maturity for my life now. For later on, cause i am really tired right now, i also measure myself and self-worth by my success in career, weight, how happy i appear to everyone,etc... so you can imagine i don't feel good in my new role as domestic diva because, to the outside world, I am so flawed! got to sign off, for now, so tired... thanks again to you all for listening
16 years ago 0 3043 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Brooke, I thought about it again... The problem seems to be not only that you are at home and not at work, but that you are frightened of getting into the role of the housekeeper and mother, which you associate with something unpleasant in your life..(?) So, probably work doesn't only mean to you social and intellectual challenge but also "the lifestyle" you've ever aimed at (?) Probably, if you had some contact with colleagues/friends who have been in the same situation (independent lifestyle, then being stay-at-home-mom), it could help you put your new situation in perspective and see yourself in a different light. Whatever you're going to do, good luck and take care
16 years ago 0 21 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Brooke I think also that one of your down sides is trying to adjust to the complete lifestyle change. You say that your not the clean and cook type, and the staying at home all day with the kids is hard on you. I also find that maybe you are missing the "socializing" part of your life also. Have you tried looking into what your community has to offer you? I know where I live there's a place where you can go just to "get out", they have a community kitchen, everyone pitches in and goes home with meals to freeze, and during this time the kids are taken care of in the daycare right in the same place. Maybe try to look for something like this, it will give you a break from the kids, and you can socialize, and the ++++ is that you get to go home with ready to freeze meals, that actually took no time at all to make and also at a cheap cost. Try to put in a "my time". Me I don't mind staying at home cooking and cleaning, or doing my own thing in my little bubble. But after cooking the meal, eating, and doing the dishes, I always said at 8:00 its my time. Just for me pleasure! Good luck to you
16 years ago 0 11 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Yes, all great replies. Thanks so much for your words. It does help to share and also to know that someone is listening and hearing. Thanks
16 years ago 0 12049 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Lots of great support and ideas Brooke! Take what you need and keep it close :) Josie, Health Educator
16 years ago 0 3043 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
hi Brooke, in my home we each had our responsibilities, and I avoided the -but I helped you with the housework- syndrome. This statement implied that the house was my rsponsibility and the chouette was doing something out of the kindness of his heart ... Well, several heated exchanges and 15 years later the supper is his problem! either cook or order but supper is your problem!!! His laundry is his problem. No more clean clothes :quest: wash some or wear Monday's stuff... not my problem! And I kept this up during my two maternity leaves! I was educator, nurse, cleaning woman, accountant, shipping/receiving manager, buyer, and executive in charge of most family issues. I was not going to add indentured servant to the list. and Papa took on a whole bunch of new responsibilities... the moment he walking in from work he was in charge of the bottom end of the babies - I was breast-feeding a very allergic and intolerant baby for two years, he dealt with the dipers in the evenings, night, and week-ends. Also he was professional baby washer! I did not do baths, the babies needed to have quality time with papa to develope their relationship with their father! okay, so the diper was backward sometime. baby sometimes went to visit the grandparents with pieces of pyjamas. but my son today is nine and is just as comfortable crying on my shoulder as giving a hug and I love you to papa. My 5 yr old daughter, loves to play on the internet with her papa and cuddle with her maman. Both regularly tell us they love us, that we are the best parents! Both come to me and papa with their smiles and tears. I have never regretted pushing my husband into taking less a less "traditional-masculine" role in our home.

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