Hi Brooke Your life certainly has changed drastically -- that's a lot to take on in one fell swoop! You must be utterly exhausted, so I'm not surprised that you're having some difficulty finding a solution. Most people have the opportunity to adjust sequentially to being a couple and having each child. You and your fiance have taken a quantum leap to a place where you're having to deal with the emotional challenges of figuring out who you are as a couple at the same time as you are dealing with the exhaustion of new baby and the physical demands of a toddler. Please, please don't think that is something that you should be able to just take into stride! You have a wonderful new family full of love, and you are both going to have to call upon every single coping mechanism you have ever learned as well as some new ones in order to make this huge adjustment with your sanity intact. It hasn't been socially acceptable for women to be expected to automatically take the role of housekeeper and cook for some years now. Many men are hopeful, and some still expect but that's their issue, not ours. Consider how you and your fiance would have divided these things up if you'd had the chance to be a couple first, with both of you working outside of the house, and don't let yourself fall into thinking that looking after your baby and toddler isn't a full-time job equally, if not more, important as his. If you're concerned about the financial contribution that you believe you're not making, do the math. A piece of wisdom that I've picked up along the way: "Start as you mean to continue". If you're happy to forever shoulder the elephant's share of the work in your family, then do so and be happy. If that's not what you want, but it's what you're doing, what you're also doing is sending mixed messages to your fiance. He loves you and wants you to be happy, so talk to him and work out a better balance -- you'll all be happier for it. You've heard this, but repeat it to yourself every day, every difficult moment: you will get your neat and organized home back -- looking forward, it may seem to be ages away, but looking back, it will feel too short -- and you will never, ever regret this time. Be kind to yourself :)

Brooke, Remember, being a stay at home parent is a full time job, even without the laundry, dishes and cleaning. Get active and make a few reasonable lists. Plan do a few things everyday. If it doesn't get done, don't fret! The time you spend with your children is valuable and the laundry can be done tomorrow. Don't forget to take some you time and reconnect with yourself with relaxation. It refreshes the body and mind! Josie, Health Educator

Hi Brooke, I'm so sorry for hearing you're struggling with your new situation. I can completely understand you. I also always hated to "automatically" take the role of the housekeeper. I also never learned how to cook and never wanted to learn it. Some dramatic events in my life finally lead to depression, but certainly also this role-issue earlier played a role that I got more vulnerable to depression. I could never make up with this typical and involuntary "role-assigment" and searched for every little chance to forgo it. So my husband and I agreed and he's doing most of the housekeeping. We both work but I'm frightened of the time when I get a baby (if I get) - what am I going to do then?? As I have been experiencing serious MDD I had to take medication so I got more weight and I'm struggling too with loosing what I gained. So I started working on the sister site: healthyweightcenter.net which I find quite useful. All what you write makes sense and I wish you, you find solutions for your new situation. You certainly will, it just needs its time. Probably, is there a chance to let somebody clean your house? For an hour or two or three? To pay for it? Is there where you live a kind of food-service cooking for older people who can't cook? Or do you have relatives or friends who would cook for you and your family? Probably you can do something else for them. When you get some time to do some other type of work - e.g. anyting on the computer or just anything they get difficulties to do and you don't? Calling public authorities or just any other "un-popular" work you probably like and can do? Sorry when I tell you useless things. Just wish you'll find your way.

Hi all, Evenings are probably my most loneliest but also the best time of the day. I finally have the piece and quiet since the kids have gone to sleep yet it leaves me alone with the thoughts in my head that have been playing over and over for months on end. I know my life has changed drastically with having a baby, a stepson (4), and fiance. It used to be just me and I only had myself to think about and take care of. Also,I have 2 dogs that I used to devote myself to. Now my nice neat safe world is bursting at the seams and I don't know how to make room for myself without squeezing anyone out. I am in my late 30s so I have had many yrs of independent adulthood so maybe that helps explain why I am having such a hard time with people underfoot and in my space. I can't stand the mess and the chaos I have in my house now. It bothers me immensely. I don't like how women are expected to automatically take the role of housekeeper and cook. I was never that great of a housekeeper ( I am a neat, organization freak not a clean freak ) and I never liked to cook. I avoided every aspect of domestication as I could throughout the years. Now I find myself in this position and I have to find a way to make it work for me and us. I love my new family but I don't like my new life. Make sense? My fiance works and I am at home on mat leave. So I have to clean and cook, right? How else can I show any contribution? I know i look after the kids all day and into the night. I do want to go back to work if only for 1 or 2 days just for some sanity but I don't want to leave my baby with anyone so I will stay home for her. So, my brain is busy trying to find a solution to my situation that may not have a solution. So, then, I obsess about my weight and know that I have not lost any weight since birth and try to tell myself, "I am motivated" to diet and exercise each night as I am trying to fall asleep. Tomorrow will be the day, I promise myself. Tomorrow never comes.