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17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

its okay goofy... it is just that I am "wordy" like a victorian novel. I ramble on and on.

and lets face it, how many of us are 100% confident in all that we put forward??? I sometimes write and think at the same time but no one challenges the thoughts. I tend to provoke too much thinking all over the place

It happens in many groups and with friends. and my self confidence is rather shaky so if you put out compliments on top of it all WEEELLLL

it is nice, but some what uncomfotable. I am still working on all that accepting of what we deserve and being gracious, and polite, ....

So Goofy,

Thank you. I am happy you appreciate my different way of looking at a problem. i like to think I look at the problem with all the wrappings it came from the manufacturer with ...

completely off topic

i think that if I go for Rieki I class, my chanel will deal with emotional and spiritual healing ... rather than with a traditional physical healing.... anyone familiar with Reiki?

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

wildcat, I've said it before and I'll say it again (though I might not be encouraging productivity). I like it when you get on a topic. You offer so much insight. I needed the post below. Thanks for sharing!

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

okay 2 cents, i'm sold...

sex is so taboo, and so mysterious. We seem to think that because we are miserable this part of us needs to be ignorned for more important issues. When sex and intimacy (love) are the physical manifestations of the emotional bonds. Perhaps women are more secure in showing all the emotional stuff so all our day to day interactions express some intimacy. Men are taught to express themself differently so the sex becomes their expression of love and closeness. And it is pleasant otherwise they would share a football game or a beer

or mine would share income taxes all year long

...

So sparking a mood of intimacy and closeness when we feel like compost

well sometimes it just does not go together. My husband and I can up with a pact long ago when we decided to have children ... no regular sex till they are 15! Just sex on the run when we can slip it in! We have long periods where we jokingly ask, Hey Babe! you living with your babies? (the parents in the old pick-up line replaced). So of course there are times when one feels like it and the other is dead-asleep, not feeling-it .... and resorts to jiggy-in-the-tub. And there are wonderful half hours we see each other again.

Rose, we feel obligated because we are taught to be good girls. Just do it and get it over with, it will not hurt. Come on we need you. You have to care for your family, they depend on you, otherwise they will look... elsewhere. But How many times has he felt obligated to take you in his arms and rub your back till the tears go away? How many times has he shussed away the pain and fears at 2AM out of obligation even when you were silent in the next room? His lilibo will not break and fall off (even if he spends half of his time with hand in his pants). And he will not die from wanting you.

You can chanel that sex and love energy into a date ... movie, popcorn, and only one reward. Or a nice day at the spa together cooking in a whirlpool. Swimming at the community pool with some hugs and kisses. And a nature hide and seek walk. Go to places you know well and make him look for you - I go to the mall (but my husband is starting to figuring out I hover near the coffee places

oh shoot rambling again and I got work to do. Sorry gang. you guys really got to put limits on me once in a while. I go on and on and on about nothing like that...

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

wise wildcat! ok then here goes - i'm peeved

why is it you give your husband an inch and he takes a mile? i'm sitting here crying for no good reason really, but tell me if you get it. i'm having a tough time coming up with any interest in sex lately and the lexapro/abilify combo pretty much shoots it straight to hell. we had sex earlier in the day, he wants to do it again, it's all about him. ok....i'm getting it as i'm typing it.....triggers! damn those triggers!! i just feel obligated, he tells me sorry, he's stupid, etc. then i worry that i'm selfish, i'd rather read, watch tv, i don't initiate it enough and on and on. then i remember my first marriage and how it de-evolved and i cry. i don't like feeling that sex is an obligation. i can't even say making love - i say having sex. what is with me? i never really enjoyed it - it was what you did, like try to find a good job, make a nest, etc. i really get you when you said you were different, i always felt that way, too. different in a weird way, a strange way, i'm not a normal person. i don't know why not, i have my theories. i think i'm giving up....i feel like i just don't care anymore about anything. not my future, or my son in jail, or my husband who's been so good to me. oh well. yuck. see maggie, it's easy!

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 456

HI maggie.

You know the forum is meant to be used to cry and vent and whine and in "almost" any way you need to release that nastiness that is inside. We have all the same illness and understand. We do not have the same manifestations but know that pain share is pain halved.

You will not get the bland responses that you get from those that have no idea! you will get a lot of sympathy and a whole heap of advice ... many are variations of the tools from the program and some are improvisations ... and a whole bunch of encouragement.

so no more sorry! okay! log on and let go as you need to!

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Breanne, I definitely do see how this can be a negative core belief. Thanks for helping me clarify this. The questions, i see how I can apply them even in this situation, though I hadn't before! I think I'd identified as a negative core belief as I've been attempting to catch myself before I go to the doctor with all these symptoms of NO problem.....and feeling as if my depression is worse because I have a cold. At this point, on session 4, I am just trying to recognize them. Am I on track?

thanks again

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 955

goofy,

These cycles can be considered negative core beliefs because of the way they are perceived. You mentioned that you think that physical things are exacerbated by the depression and vice versa. By thinking/ believing this cycle and how depression and physical issues can influence each other, it could be contributing to a negative core belief system. Although these beliefs may not be the same for everyone, consider the questions that Breanne has previously posted. Do you find these useful? Does this help in your understanding of negative core beliefs?

Sarah, Health Educator

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1044

Now that I've read the other posts I can relate. I do a bit of both though. I think that the depression exacerbates my physical illnesses, when I have a cold, the flu or a symptom of something, I start to panic....go to the doctor, often times, she tells me, it's a virus and I have to ride the storm and give me a whole host of meds to alleviate the symptoms. I don't end up taking them....I think I'm taking enough stuff for my liver and kidney's to process. I recently had an issue with my stomach swelling and other things, went to the doctor, ended up in the gastroenterologist office, wanted to do a bunch of tests, I went AMA. I got to thinking about it and knew I'd had the problem before, it wasn't anything to be concerned about, started watching my diet and spicey foods and guess what - a miracle! I am trying to learn to rationally think things through before going to my doctor, am going to discuss it with her the next time I see her and get her insight, thoughts, whatever. I also have found a good indicator of things getting blown out of proportion in my head is when I am going to the doctor frequently or seeing different specialists. I make sure I get an annual physical from head to toe, complete with blood work, the gynecology thing and other recommended annual tests for people my age. I think the physical things are exacerbated by the depression and the depression is exacerbated by the phyisical stuff.....vicious circle, and I am determined to stop it! I don't know if this falls under negative core beliefs or not????

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 3046

Hi Maggie,

I just read your post and I can relate somewhat to what you are saying. I tend to go the other way. Most times I blame my aches and pains, colds and flus, headaches etc. on the depression. Everything is depression related because I don't want to have a real physical illness on top of this. Sounds stupid, I know. However I feel every pain, every twinge and generally don't have any energy.

I have a friend like you who goes into a panic about every pain - she is sure she is dying. It is exhausting for her and the best thing she can do is see her Dr and get the reassurance she needs or the treatment she needs to correct her problem. She knows this but seems to need someone to tell her also. I suspect you feel the same.

Fear about anything is a horrible thing to contend with. I understand that totally - talk to your doctor and explain things to him/her. You are not alone and some understanding may go a long way in helping you with this. The biggest thing I've learned here is that it is ok to ask for help.

17 years ago 0 +0 / -0 201

sorry maggie, sometimes i'm way too blunt. i think other people have more insight into our problems because we are too close to see the forest for the trees. people have helped me to do that here. you'll be ok. i'm like that, too! sometimes i can feel every little thing and it drives me mad. distraction really is key. i know when i was going thru my gallbladder thing, i became acutely aware how your mind - dread and fear - show up profoundly in your body. i broke out into hives knowing another wave of pain was coming and there was nothing i could do to stop it. it's really kinda amazing. stick around and you can blow me away hopefully someday with your insight! cause i need all the help i can get!!

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