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Rebuilding Self Esteem 2

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 653

Hi Daylight,

It is normal to be scared of making mistakes-- but we all do! That is part of life. You will possibly make mistakes in the future but I think it's important to feel like you are in control of your life. Allowing others to make your decisions will reinforce the idea that you are not able to. It's interesting that you said you don't want to change as that may cause others to change. We can only change ourselves, no one else! What part of that thought is scary to you? What do you mean by having "an attitude"?

Tiana, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6

Hi Helena,

I am moving between sessions 2-4, hope to graduate to the next level.

-m, thanks for your reply. I did learn but after doing mistakes, these were big ones which affect you in a big way and hurt one a lot. My confidence has hit bottom, now I dont take decisions, I leave them to others and I dont like it one bit cause I am not in control of my life. But I wont dare to make decisions on my own.Guess I am scared.

Its wonderful you are trying to see and listen differently. Really, its all about perspective isnt it. I know but I havent been able to change my thoughts- I fear if i change people would start behaving differently with me. As it is they think I have an attitude , heh.

I like Jacques' idea too, that sounds motivating.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 221

Hi members,

You've identified a really important behaviour here, specifically throughing away or hidding the signs of your accomplishments. The example of keeping letters of recognition in a visible place is very powerful. It becomes harder to think negatively about yourself, if you have proof that you're an accomplished individual staring right at you.

What are some other things you can do to remind yourself of all your accomplishments?

Helena, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Jacques,

I like your technique of framing letters of recognition. I throw away such things too... or keep them hidden. Great idea. Thanks for sharing this.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 52

Samantha, I have been working through the sessions and I noticed that many of the techniques used, were already part of my coping strategies. Especially the techniques for challenging the negative thoughts, were very familiar for me. I have been coping with depressions for decades, so familiarity with the techniques didn't suprise me (otherwise I would never have been able to cope with depression for such a long time).

One of the techniques I used to challenge my negative thought, are the use of little momentoes. I don't like to dwell on my accomplishments (especially when they are small), but I have letters of recognition framed and hanging in my study. They make me feel better when I'm down. I always have the tendency to throw them away as they are not really big accomplishments, but I know they can cheer me up so that's why I keep them.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Daylight, thanks so much for posting how you are feeling. I am working on the negative thoughts section of the CBT session and thinking how will I ever recognize all the negative thoughts I have and then when I read your post it dawned on me that members here can help each other recognize such thoughts. It is hard for me to see my own, but I read your post and want to reach out and say wait a second... you point out all your "bad" characteristics... but underneath the despair I don't see a bad or irresponsible person... you are here looking for help. Is that irresponsible? You indicate that you rarely make your own decisions and when you do they are "not the right" ones... Did you learn anything from the decisions you did make?

Just some examples from what you wrote. Similar to examples from my own life that I'm trying to "see" differently. Trying to "listen" to my thoughts better. You want to be taken seriously. Me too. Here at DC we are taken seriously. Not too much chit-chat going on... we are talking about real problems in our thinking and have the desire to change our thoughts and behaviors.

I hope you will continue to post more of your process. It has helped me to do that and really helps me to hear how other members are processing the homework and their journey toward wellness.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 2606

Hello daylight,

Thank you for opening up and sharing this with us. I highly recommend working through the sessions here at the depression center because they will be really helpful. Session 4 deals with negative thoughts. It touches upon how our thoughts can be distorted and also how to identify when they are distorted. Work through this session and complete the homework, then move on to session 5 which deals with challenging thoughts. Once you have identified the negative thoughts, you can move on the challenge them. Always remember that you are an important person and you matter! Working through the sessions is a big step in working towards personal goals and challenging those obstacles in your way!

Members, how have the sessions been helpful to you? How have you worked on building self-confidence? How do you challenge negative thoughts?

Samantha, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6

I too am the youngest in my family and have always been treated like a kid, and now at 3 decades of life,I find myself to be immature for my age, irresponsible and have very low self esteem. I have never taken decisions on my own, and those that i did make turned out to be not the right ones. I have had short accomplishments in life, but never held a job for long.

I have been trying to change my behaviour with no luck. It is so embarrasing that people who meet for first time think I m in my 20s - behaviour wise. I havent told my new friends my age cause I know they think me to be like 20 because of the way I behave. My thoughts are different but what I ultimately say and the way I say it gives such an impression. The way I work also shows me to be less responsible or someone who should be given less responsiblity or easy tasks. Sometimes I want to cry loud- could someone take me seriously....

Being a reserved person, it looks like I am a snob and am arrogant, because of which I have problem making friends. I would love to be with my peers and elders at work and home, be involved in serious talks. But because low confidence, I dont approach people ...such low self esteem...

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Jacques... maybe what is important is not the why but how we make it better for ourselves now.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 52

I grew up as youngest kid in a family with very strong personalities. I was always too young, too unexperienced, too immature etc, so the others would do everything for me.... resulting in being blamed for being too lazy, not willing to take responsibility etc.. Even nowadays this attitude still persist amongst my siblings. I'm kind of glad that they live on another continent.

Keeping friendships is indeed a problem for me. I have the tendency to withdraw from social life for weeks, months in a row. I often doubt myself whether I can do something both in professional and academic life - I never finished any formal education. I have lost jobs because my job performance nose dived due to depressions. I used to smoke anything that could be smoked (gave it up 15 years ago) and if it wasn't for the meds I would be drinking heavily (I have woken up on park benches in the past).

I never knew whether the low self-esteem was caused by what I did, or the low self-esteem was the cause of what I did. I still don't really know.

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Rebuilding Self Esteem 2