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Acceptance


2 years ago 0 11110 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0

Bump!

This is a great post from one of our past veteran members, Davit, about acceptance. There are lots of gems in this thread.

What are your thoughts on acceptance?

Ashley

9 years ago 0 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Kaitie

Discovering I have cataracts that will need to be fixed and that I can't just drive to the hospital and get it fixed is not helping. But I'm not down, just stating a fact. I am getting older with all that comes with it. 

When I look back at the glory days I realize they too had worries at some point but they were small worries compared to now. They always had easy solutions. The solutions are still here, they are just more complicated. Did I ever have a day when I was totally happy? Yes lots of them, not every day but enough I think. Running my dogs at night in total darkness with nothing but bells on them to tell me they were running okay. (they can feel the trail in total darkness you have to trust them.) Climbing to the alpine on a local mountain without a care about going up or getting down. Checking my fish net to get dog food. Notice these are by myself things. Second best were always with someone else. That is when worry and concern come in. I really am comfortable with just me. I can do either though. Just by myself better.

Like panic, growing old is something you have to experience to understand. I don't think anyone does it as gracefully as they say. There are just so many things that can cause worry. But I'm doing the best I can with what I have. It sure is not the glory days though. I'm trying to make them different days but good still. I think for the most part I succeed.

And this I accept. For my sanity I have to.

Davit
9 years ago 0 177 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Davit,

What's caused you to feel down? Nothing has really changed for you that I know of. Maybe you don't necessarily have to accept it right now. Cross that bridge when you come to it. I'm sure we all will need to be in someone else's care eventually, but doesn't the fact that you're not ready to accept it yet mean you're not at that stage? Your mind is still putting up a fight. 

You could go back to your glory days, but was it as good for you back then as you think it is now? My psychologist asks me to think of a time when I truly felt happy and capable, but to be honest I can't. Those niggling doubts and worries are always there, whether you're 18 or 80. They're the same worries, only the focus has shifted a little as the situation changes. My dad has been a bit depressed, well very depressed, since he's been thinking about what he should've done in the past but didn't. It's never too late.

Kaitie.
9 years ago 0 2507 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Me too Davit... I like the present and really don't want to do the past over again.
Acceptance sounds good to me too..
 
I like me just the way I am, of course I wouldn't mind being a little thinner but other than that I am good with who I am.
And one other thing, I am not going to any weddings or funerals if I can help it either..
 
Lol :)))
 
Red..
 
9 years ago 0 2507 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Sleeping last night was exhausting with dreams of family long gone. I was with my grandmother in my dreams last night and she was ill, and I was franticly trying to get her help for her wounds..
 
It was a relief to get up and out of the dream but it left me very very tired today. Even though it was a only dream she was still in the back of my mind and I found myself worried and thinking about her today..Of course the truth is she is gone now and I am sure she isn't scared or afraid..She is in a better place. She was full of life and a great story teller. I miss her stories...She also was a great worrier and lots of things scared her. That I do not miss..She could never of been in the world we live in today.  
 
One thing I learned from my experience with her is to be very mindful not to feed into the anxiety or it can  snowball out of control. She just couldn't let go of it most of the time..and it caused her to have so much fear, panic and anxiety..
 
I am sure hoping Grandma rests in peace tonight. That way I will be able get a restful nights sleep..
That's if the rest of the family doesn't show up with a kinds of drama and tragedy..
 
Red..
 
 
 
 
9 years ago 0 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Red

I am the last male in my line, in fact I will be the last anything since I have no kids. Do you think 15 years on your own is long enough to build a core belief. Personally I think so because it takes a lot less time to change a thought. A thought pattern is harder but still doesn't take that long. I left any extended family I had at eight and my immediate family at fifteen. Getting old and dying was something that happened to others, not me. Even when I lost my spleen at thirty. I should have died. Ten days later I was picking up the pieces and getting on with life. At that time, time itself had a different meaning. Ten years was a long time. now the years go by so fast.

What can I do about it. I can accept I had the best years a person like me could have and see with care how many more I can get. Anxiety just might have given me a better life than I think. It certainly gave me purpose. So I guess there is hope.

As for my core belief that I'm fat. Since two of my meds can cause water retention and weight gain that one might turn to fact if I don't watch it.

It might help if I went to weddings and funerals but I don't. In fact only once have I held a baby. Not only do I not know how to grow old and die, I don't know how to be born and grow up. It is lost in the past before fifteen. All I know is how to live the present. Great for anxiety but does nothing to help me grow old. If I was in better shape I could visit the seniors at the hospital, but if I was in better shape I wouldn't be thinking the way I am.

So that only leaves acceptance so I don't dwell on it.

Davit
9 years ago 0 2507 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Davit,   After serious thought I have to say that having grown up the way I did has not prepared at all for growing old and dieing. My experiences and core beliefs and just not true for me or my journey..Like you mentioned in your post.   "I feel it may well be individual for every person"  I have to agree..
 
The women in the family that passed before me had each other and I was part of that group of women..They were never really alone in it..So I am not prepared to go it alone without them because that is not how they did it..I was there for and with them all and we spoke often usually daily.
 
That was at least 15 years ago and those experiences and core beliefs are just not true anymore in the world that I live in now..My journey is my own and it will never be like their's..I do wish that it could be but that is not possible because I am the last woman in my family line..So I am really learning as I go and really have no idea of how to do this. I am doing this for the very first time...
 
Red..
 
 
 
9 years ago 0 6252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
So after 15 operations and the scars to prove it, after numerous broken bones and tendons, after years of chronic staph infection have I built a core belief that there is no hope or is it just a fact, also a core belief if I recognize it? And is this negative or positive? 

Red, if I had of grown up in a closer family as you describe it I would have been more prepared and have examples. I would have from a very early age seen people age and die. I would know how to do it. And I would have built core beliefs from these facts. I'd be stronger. (maybe) Going to war doesn't make you stronger it just teaches you how to do it. Some people die trying. Those who survive have experience. I don't know if it cures the no hope core belief. Where there is no hope there is no reason to try beyond the immediate necessity. Catch 22 if it breeds depression.

My Dad went to war and learned about no hope but not how to cure it. He found the cure in a bottle. No hope there.
I watched him make the motions every day because that was all he could do. But there was no joy in him. He tried for a while but gave up. I don't want to do that. Not the bottle, I won't, but the no hope. There has to be a way to get up every day knowing it is going to be the best I can make it and to go to sleep knowing this is going to happen.

But cores are strong especially when they are built on fact or a warped way of looking at fact. There is an answer to this I know, just right now not what. And worse is the fact that I feel it may well be individual for every person.

How do I bring back that "ten feet tall and bullet proof" feeling. How do I stop focussing on the "glory days"? Know the song? Catchy tune about living in the past.

Davit
9 years ago 0 4027 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I feel my age too, after using the hedge trimmer.  My hands are just throbbing from holding a vibrating object for an hour.  But the backyard and laneway look clearer.
 
I also found a part of the trimmer which olds the electric plug in place, since it kept moving out, and stopping the machine.  After using the trimmer for a dozen times, I guess I found that little aid!
 
My body is wracked with pain.  I'm going to do dishes, help mom to sleep, and bathe.  If I'm not too tired, I'll make my bed too.
 
Wish I could have motivation to do stuff more often, but its been weeks, for some reason...
9 years ago +4 2507 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 1
Davit..
Tomorrow will be a better day.
 
Your Friend,
 Red..
  :)
 
 

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