Maybe it is? That makes sense..A core belief that may be built in later life..because when we were younger we were taught that we could do anything, we were invincible, to never just accept our faith in life, that with hard work and perseverance we could move mountains..
Of course the reality is that for a young healthy person in their 20's 30's 40's or even 50's this is probably true..
Of course when we are young and healthy we never think about never being able to do everything we want to do..
As I have grown a little older I am realizing that I am going to have to accept at least some things are changing
and I am not able to do everything that I used to do.Notice I said can not instead of I may not be able too..Also my future is nothing like my parents future was..Then multi generations of family lived together or if not together than right down the street from each other..This is not the case for me or lots of people in my generation..We are on our own and growing old alone and without our families for support..This is a cold hard truth for many..
I have been on my own for decades now..and growing older has had some lonely moments for me and the fear of not being able to manage everything some day soon is very scary and sad, as is the future..This has been and is a very hard pill to swallow and I have also found myself a bit down and depressed about it..and on the verge of tears at times.
Just yesterday I was in tears over the fact that removing a tree from the yard would be impossible without help and if I decided to put another tree in its place it would still be hard for me to push the mower around the tree to mow in the tight space that I am working in so today I had to finally make a decision based on what I can do now and how to make the work easier around my place..So we removed the old tree and will not be putting in a new one and the yard will be a lot easier to mow now. Vacumning well that is another story.. The new tree would have been real pretty and we will have to deal with returning it but it is the best thing and the best choice for me now..
As for the sleeping I sure could use more too..I get around 4 to 6 hrs a night mostly 5 and I am very tired most days now and have this gnawing anxiety of the unknown and what my future will hold....I think the stress and worry related to growing older and the fact that it getting harder for me to manage physically are playing on my mind now.. The not nowing if I will having the help that I need,may have something to do with why I can't sleep well. I have thought about moving into a mobile home park or a condo but I really can't afford that.
So for now I will keep doing what I can for as long as I can..I just wish I knew what I was going to do in the future..and had some kind of plan..I guess it is fear of the unknown.
Red...
