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Obsessive-compulsive disorder

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

dawuad

I have found when surfing the net that there really is a lot of crap. I discard any site that wants you to buy their book after a long list of promises. I have also found that some sites are covering only one situation and curing is not what they do, they teach you how to cope which has a good chance of failure. I believe any one who has this problem in reality not just thought would want to help so bad they would do it for free. Some sites are there only for the advertisement dollar they get. Any one can do this. I have a web site, I could profess to have the answers and get some sponsors and make a good, but not moral living.

But there are some good sites explaining medication and side effects as well as defining the parameters of diseases. If you can find a number of sites saying the same thing it has a good probability of being right, as long as they are not related or trying to sell you a book. Not that there are not good books out there. And I do not like testimonials that do not give you a contact address for the person doing it. Yes there is the odd site that does this but not for anxiety that I have found.

OCD like Panic has a thousand faces but behind each one is a mind and the mind is what we are dealing with here.

I think you are very good at sifting the crap out and that you will manage to change these unwanted thoughts. If nothing else I think you will learn to accept your condition and learn coping skills to use till such time as you can find the cure. It sounds like you have a few core beliefs interfering and you know the program and your councillor can help you with them.

We remain here for you and I for one enjoy your posts, I am going to learn something here.

My anxiety is pretty much tied to my physical condition so I have a lot of suicidal thoughts, but I know where they come from and what to do about them. And right now it is snowing lightly which is pretty and except for the first cold I have got in the last twenty years I am fine. If not I would take medication. CBT has been enough most of the time.

Here for you.

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 23

Absolutely! To be honest I can not think of any good reason not to. You see as a child I have always been told to not worry about things that scare me. So when I first had a medicine reaction about a year ago that made me feel like I was having a heart attack - probably made me have a panic attack. I started to read about anxiety. I read about people who later had depression. I started to read about depression, and when I read about that, I read about the statistics of suicide - and things like, "if you have suicidal thoughts", etc. Since having panic attacks scare me, I started to believe in this garbage. So I would hear these things and wonder if I would commit suicide or the many other things written online. Not that I wanted to, but when such thoughts raced my mind, I would think there is something wrong with me because I should not be thinking like this because why would people have statements as "if you have suicidal thoughts"? Over the next few months I believe I became obessive over it and probably formed my OCD. I began to deal with anxiety but when my mind started playing these games I took them literally and did not wanted these thoughts. As I am now learning especially from the OCD foundation's website, I should welcome these thoughts. Similar to what this website states as well, but the only difference is that my thoughts are horrible and whenever I write about them, people immediately think I should call 911. When all it is, is a specific type of OCD. I think I took too many statements at heart - please note that I am not blaming anyone on this site or any other, I know everyone means well and hope for the best for me.

I think this website is amazing, but like many authors have stated, OCD has a thousand faces and wish that there was a lot of information available on this website about OCD. One piece of advice I would give to others is that there is a lot of crap on the internet and the moment you try to self diagnose your problems and think you know what you are doing, you run into many more problems. I did not seek therapy or professional help for one year after my first panic attack. In the mean time I had a million questions and they were not being answered and I did not realize my problems until recently about OCD, etc. I have read the content in this website many times and I tried to apply the CBT but when you are unsure of the exact problem, CBT or anything else will not work. I got some relief doing things in this website, but when I recently found out that I have OCD and that my thoughts are intrusive and I give them more importance than I should, that is when I am now realizing how to better apply CBT and EPS. When we start to self diagnose or even when we start to think that a problem of someone online is similar to mine, it may not be. I guess in the end, seek professional help as soon as possible, and if you feel that the information/solution given to you is not working or you have doubts go seek from someone else. Keep on seeking, keep on fighting.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

dawuad

As I said before CBT over time can cure this and it will work on OCD. There is one case where it will not and that is if it is caused by another medication. Now this is directly from my therapist and born out by my experience. It is not common but I am one of those people that gets it. To test it I have tried to use all the tools but I always end up back to using half a valium. Drugs that do this to me are oral antibiotics and opiates as in pain killers. Today is especially bad as I have taken both. I am angry and suicidal (mildly not to the point I'm worried) My blood pressure is up and much as I don't want the valium I will take it because I don't want to think like this.

I don't tell people but like many chronically ill, I get fed up. You might call it a death wish so when I am in a lot of pain I don't have anxiety, it is when it starts to subside that I think that I don't want to do this any more. So why do I? Because it always passes and for a while I am fine. That and the end will come soon enough without helping it. But like many Chronically ill I will welcome it when it does come, I just hope it stays away and with that thought I have another protocol to try that may get rid of the staph infection. But the side effect is six months of medication induced anxiety. I'm a big boy I can take the valium when I have to and six months will not hook me. I just might seem a little different than my usual self. (valium)

So dawuad I would look closely at any medication even over the counter that you are using and things like coffee and chocolate to see if they are interfering with CBT.

And I understand about culture and its effect on core beliefs. But culture aside you are you and as such you can be anyone you want to be even if you can not let it be seen.

A question for you, I do not want to live in the world I live in but have to, do you?

Here for you,

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 23

I think people are misunderstanding my thoughts. My thoughts are part of the OCD. These thoughts actually make me have anxiety and not something I like. In fact I despise these thoughts so much so that I have panic attacks when such thoughts enter my head. Or at least I used to, thanks to Lexapro I have very few. Davit's post of suicide actually made me think of it, which makes me anxious. You see people get anxious over airplanes, dogs, etc. I get anxious hearing or seeing things of this sort such as suicide, depression, and even anxiety. For a while, I would have difficuilties coming to this website or even reading about anxiety because it would cause me to be anxious. I am not sure how many are interested to know about this type of OCD but here is a statement from the OCD foundation's website about the type of OCD I have:

A typical script for ~~violent~~ (I don't personally like this word) thinkers runs something like," I must be having these thoughts because I'm really psycho and want to do these things. Maybe I'll lose control and really do them. If I do act on my thoughts, they'll lock me up forever. That will be horrible for my family and me; they will suffer because of what I did, and I will suffer knowing what I did to them and to my victim. I won't be able to live with the guilt. I'll either die in prison, or kill myself." Scripts such as these are worked into a series of graduated assignments.

For the longest time I was having anxiety over these things and hearing people that I should get immediate help when I have these thoughts - makes me even more anxious. I is like telling myself to stop thinking about it, but the more I don't want to think about it - the more I do. You see it is these very thoughts that make me anxious because I think I have a core belief that anxiety will lead to one of these things such as going crazy, etc. I look at anxiety as a mental illness and my culture looks at depression and anxiety in a very different manner than does the western culture. We look at anxiety and depression as a mental problem, so when I initially had anxiety I thought that I was having a mental problem and that something bad will happen. I still think like that because when I become anxious, I think that there is something wrong with me mentally and that something bad will happen to me. I am working with my therapist and psychiatrist on this, but I was writing on this forum to see if others have such OCD or have experienced with it before. If anyone could advise me on exposure work, because it seems to be difficult to find help with this type of anxious thoughts.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 653

Good point, Red. The forums are here so that you all have a place to find support and information in a safe environment. So it is great feedback for us to hear that we are meeting our goal.

Thanks to each of you for your part in making this community the great thing it is!

Tiana, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 659

Davit,

I was reading this thread and I want to let you know that I did not find your post to graphic or anxiety provoking for me. I actually found your post very comforting..I found it very comforting to know that someone else has been in my shoes and understands the anxiety and depression that comes from being in a lot of pain with health problems..I too have been in a psych ward in the past, a lock down unit because I was a danger to myself because of suicide attempts. It was not a bad place to be and it gave me a much needed break and some time to think and probably saved my life..I was 21 years old at the time. I also have had to deal with the anxiety and depression again many times through out my life time...I am now 56 years old....I think it is very important that we feel free to come here and talk about our feeling and if talking about these feeling saves our life or someone else's life it is worth talking and posting about...

Dawaud,

I did find your post about poking your eye out with a pen a little disturbing but at the same time I feel that it was very important for you to be able to talk about your feelings just like we all need to feel free to talk about how we are feeling.

That is what makes this forum so important for everyone here..The freedom to talk about how we are feeling without worrying about it upsetting someone else. What one person finds upsetting another person may find comforting....

Here for you both,

Red.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 653

Hi Dawaud,

I'm glad you feel that you are on the right track. Please assure me that if you have thoughts about harming yourself, that you will seek the appropriate help! Call 911, go to ER, or call a support line. We cannot replace the type of help they would provide and we want to ensure your safety.

Keep up your efforts with the appropriate professionals. You show great insight and determination. Keep us posted.

Tiana, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 376

Davit, you wrote:

My staph came back and is now considered Chronic, I'm determined to find a cure and unlike the thoughts that caused the worry that sent me to the psych ward, I'm using finding a cure as a focus to keep panic at bay.

Your whole story is incredibly powerful. I am touched that you are so willing to share your pain and the lessons you have learned with the rest of us. What a gift. The quote above from your ps to your story really shows how it is possible to turn life circumstances around... see them differently... gain strength and wisdom from them. Doesn't make the circumstances any different, but the CBT does give us the tools to USE these experiences in a positive manner. Yes? We can learn to control (with a lot of work) our thoughts and feelings... and not be totally helpless/overwhelmed in the face of them?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 23

I followed Tiana's suggestion to read from OCD Foundation. Tiana I wonder if you were talking about the international OCD foundation.

I found an article about OCD from the international OCD foundation that is very darn similar to my thought patterns.

I am right now just very happy to know that I am not alone in these thoughts. I am also very glad to identify my problem. If you follow my posts you can see that I was going no where, but by following this program I kept on writing, I kept on trying to do exposure work. I know I am not cured and probably far from it, but for those that are coming to this program - I can say that without this I would have never ever figured this out. I wouldn't have realized that it is very common. I would not been able to express this to my therapist without the support of this program. I have realized that along with my medication (Lexapro in my case), CBT, Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), I we re would not have realized that there is some type of solution for my problem.

I would greatly appreciate if someone can help me with exposure work for my type of OCD. I will get my therapist to help me with this as well, but I would like to see in the mean time if others on this website have gone through this themselves so maybe they can provide some insights.

It is funny how some things lead you to another. After reading about OCD I can better identify my problem.

Thanks and I look forward to suggestions to exposure work for this. Thanks.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

dawuad10

I will try not to be that graphic in future. The point is that although I was in very bad shape and you too are in very bad shape the only difference is that I am basically cured and you are still on your way. By the way I too find some things like that very stressful to read, the difference is I have built the tools to handle it. My hang up is cats, I love them and so reading wrestlers post was hard, and it will bother me for a while. I had a very aged cat die in his sleep last summer and it was less painful than reading wrestlers post. In my case it is exaggerated empathy. Do you think this might be your trigger too? Others pain is harder for me than my own.

If I read Tiana right it would appear that CBT would work to reduce OCD. You might not be able to eradicate it but control it which would be very similar.

Here for you,

Davit.

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