dawuad10
I spent a lot of time in hospital with Staph infection in my spine, It caused a disc to push on my spinal cord causing pain that nothing could control except laying in one position (for four months) I begged to die. It was a long battle and eventually I had to go home, I had to re enter the world I had virtually left. It was good to be home but I could not get the thought out of my mind that the staph might come back again and I'd have to go through all that pain again. Of course I made it worse in my mind. The therapist arranged a rest for me in the the psych ward but they don't do antibiotics there so I had to finish my coarse in a general word on suicide watch. Finally when the tests looked good I was shipped back to psych till I could convince them I was okay to go home again. It actually was a pleasant place to be, not like you would think it would be like. I talked to failed suicides there, they all had two things in common They said at the time it seemed like a good idea, and the other one was that they were glad they failed. Some were on medication some were handling it with just the realization that they have a lot to live for. Right now you are talking about your worry, if it gets past that point please get help because no matter how bad life gets the alternative is permanent.
I have to see my therapist (the same one that had me committed who I thank for doing it) on the 29th. I don't need to see her I just do about every three weeks. If there is any thing you would like me to ask her I will, I will be asking about OCD as part of my continuing education anyway but since I don't (I don't think) have it I don't know what to ask other than general things. I do know people with OCD but like panic there are so many different ways it shows itself. But panic has one simple cure no matter what form it takes. I want to know if OCD does also. What does your therapist say? There are times when panic has a very compulsive side.
When you just can not stop the trigger from repeating itself over and over. There is also an obsessive side when you can not stop thinking about having a panic attack even when there is no reason too. These can be broken with CBT, but it seems OCD is stronger. I'd like to know what the root of it is. Where does it come from and why? Is it related to or controlled by core beliefs? If so then it can be changed. The people I know with it don't seem to be bothered by it like panic does. As for thoughts of suicide (mostly when I'm in a lot of pain from over working) I accept that they are there and annoying but tell myself there is no way I will do it, life is to precious. Not only to me but to those I share it with. Do what ever you have to do including taking medication till you or your therapist can come up with something to stop this. In the mean time work on the anxiety aspect because as you said yourself the OCD is not interfering with your life, It is more like my arthritis, just some thing I have to live with.
Here for you
Davit.
Ps My staph came back and is now considered Chronic, I'm determined to find a cure and unlike the thoughts that caused the worry that sent me to the psych ward, I'm using finding a cure as a focus to keep panic at bay. I'm hoping you can do the same with OCD.