After over two months of not having a full-blown attack I came so close an hour ago it was so frightning, it was like I forgot all my coping skills and relaxation and what I learned. Fighting it off was almost as bad and as exhausting as having it, I just went in the bedroom and cried the symptoms were awful, did I have an attack? I dont even know? My stomach is churning, my chest and left arm are hurting my breathing shallow and the feeling of doom, I cannot believe it why would this happen after over two months? Nothing terrible or bad happened, my monthly is just about over and Christmas went well, I feel like running down the street but you cannot run from yourself, I cant stop the feelings and its scaring me so that this is happening again, I am so afraid it will start the "every day cycle" of panicking again and my body cannot take that, not at my age, I dont want to die from this.
My husband keeps saying "take a pill" "take a pill" but its not time yet and I hate running too the pill bottle, I notice its taking more and more to calm me down, I am so exhausted right now, I dont understand what happened too me and why? I have been doing so well and I knew the minute I woke today I was in trouble, that dreaded morning feeling and chest and stomach problems, and I am trying so hard to hide it from my husband but its hard in a small house, and he gets SO angry and disgusted with me, that is probably why he never really gave me support during the last two months of doing good, he probably always knew it would come back and he was afraid to say anything, I wish I could pin-point WHY, why now?
Can anyone explain this? Was it just the holidays that distracted me from myself and now its over and I cant distract? I remember last Jan 2011 this is how it started and I jumped right on it, I increased my meds, got a therapist, prayed and tried relaxation and nothing worked. Somehow someway I must get this under control I dont want to lose my family, has anyone had these setbacks? bad ones? and did they last? and how did you get through and feel better again? This is the closest I have come and I am having heart attack and stomach problems. I am going to try to breathe and pray for awhile and take my pill, I am sorry I do not mean to ramble, I have been doing much better, and I cant go back, I dont think I could take it again.
