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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

NYCGirl

If humour is helping you, maybe you can chill with seeing a funny flick, since it seemed that some humour helped?

Our families can be trying, and it sounds like maybe they need help!

If you get a chance to read Dr F's column, I think the two minutes(or one minute in New York) it takes to read his explanation of what's happening to you, will give you a sense of composure.

By the way, a friend of mine went to see psychiatrist complaining she felt like a deck of cards.

He told her to sit in the corner so he could deal with her later:)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 9

Hehe. That poem made me laugh a bit, which is hard to do at the moment.

I know it's up to me to prove to myself that I'm healthy and to keep telling myself that my eyes are fine ("fine"at the very least) according to an experienced eye doctor.

The problem is I still feel like that's just too good to be true. I feel like I will be lying to myself. I feel convinced I'm going blind. The world is too big, too bright, too fun, too wonderful if I get to keep my healthy eyes and vision. Ugh, my hands and arms are cold and tingly. Sigh. I wish the psychiatrist was in on Sundays.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

NYCGirl

Not to long ago some one else listed all there "what ifs". There are positive what ifs too. You can turn every one of the negative ones to positive. Hers were easier to turn around because she was just worried, you are determined to prove this right instead of wrong so it would be harder.

Not impossible.

Okay I see how you built this core belief. If your family has been telling you you are wrong and you have been proving them wrong (most of the time)( or at least in your mind) You have built a core belief that they are wrong. If you are right then this is a positive core belief, if you are wrong it is a negative. It doesn't matter, what does is you appear to have built one on it that says the doctor is wrong. A spill over from the first one. It seems to have spilt over and built other core beliefs about your other fears.

You could go get a second opinion or a third but with this strong of a core belief you are not going to accept their diagnosis either in which case it will just make the core stronger and you worse.

I won't lie to you, you are going to have to work very hard to bury this. First off can you get your family to quit arguing with you. That is just reinforcing your "what ifs" Giving them unwanted attention. The best way to get rid of something is to ignore it. It is important that they stop doing this. I know there is nothing wrong with you and so do you, but it is you that is going to have to prove it, not me or anyone else. I will help, and I will support but you have to do the work.

You have gone to a lot of trouble to prove you are right in your mind. Now you want to use that strength and determination to prove you are wrong starting with positive "what ifs". After you can accept that you might be wrong then and only then you get a second opinion to reinforce the new core belief that there is nothing wrong with you. Then and only then should you do exposure by looking at how rare this disease is and what the possibilities are that you could have it. Believe me when you get this far it will look a lot different.

Here for you,

Davit.

Ps if your doctor wants to put you on something to calm you, I would recommend you try it. I will be here to help you with any negative thoughts you have towards it. Post often with your concerns, it is not good to bottle them up. Use us to vent, not your family, we will not argue with you. We will not criticize. We are here to support you in this journey.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

NY,

It's like that poem,

Whatif by Shel Silverstein

Last night, while I lay thinking here,
some Whatifs crawled inside my ear
and pranced and partied all night long
and sang their same old Whatif song:
Whatif I'm dumb in school?
Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?
Whatif I get beat up?
Whatif there's poison in my cup?
Whatif I start to cry?
Whatif I get sick and die?
Whatif I flunk that test?
Whatif green hair grows on my chest?
Whatif nobody likes me?
Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?
Whatif I don't grow talle?
Whatif my head starts getting smaller?
Whatif the fish won't bite?
Whatif the wind tears up my kite?
Whatif they start a war?
Whatif my parents get divorced?
Whatif the bus is late?
Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?
Whatif I tear my pants?
Whatif I never learn to dance?
Everything seems well, and then
the nighttime Whatifs strike again!

NYGirl, how are you going to chill in the meantime?

Doesn't sound like the fam is helping..

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 9

Thank you all so much. I am having a really bad time right now. My anxiety gets worse and worse as the day goes by. Right now it's really bad. :( I haven't even been able to read through the information on this site because I'm so preoccupied and scared that I can't bring myself to do anything productive. My family (who is used to anxiety as a lot of us have it) keeps snapping at me saying I'm not going blind, it's just anxiety, the eye doctor said my eyes were perfect, etc. but I'm still just overflowing with "What ifs?"

"What if the eye doctor was in a rush because it was her last appointment of the day?"

"What if I didn't move my eyes around correctly or as far as I was supposed to?"

"What if the equipment at the office wasn't the best possible?"

"What if the eye doctor missed something?"

"What if the eye doctor didn't know much about retinitis pigmentosa because it was so rare?"

"What if she was just telling me I was okay so I wouldn't worry?"

I'm just so afraid she missed any small clue or that the disease started developing in my eyes the moment I left the office. I feel like going to other eye doctors or getting extensive genetic testing.

This is so exhausting. I'm going to call the psychiatrist at 9 AM Monday morning for an earlier appointment.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

Hi NYCGirl,

So glad you have joined this forum. It is a truly supportive community and, as you can see, a place where you can find encouraging words and advice. You made a good choice in setting up an appointment with your eye doctor rather than dwelling solely on what information you were finding on the internet (which can be dizzying!). Hopefully you will find sessions with your therapist helpful as well.

Whenever you feel the questions of doubt arise and start to weigh you down, try to take a moment and do some deep breathing techniques. Even taking 10 slow, deep, full breaths will help clear your mind and calm your nerves.

Keep us posted as to how you are doing. We are here for you!

Vincenza, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

NYCGirl.

My definition of Agoraphobia is a bit different than most. If you look at most agoraphobic situations it is not the open space but going into them. There for it is more about Control. Or more specifically not having control. Think about it. All of these things you fear are things you have little or no control over. There for the diagnosis would be that you are agoraphobic even if open spaces don't bother you. Given time they will since you will start to realize you have little control over entering and leaving them.

The article on eyes. The big fear is not that you have it but that it could happen and there is nothing you could do to stop it. It would be out of your hands. There for being reassured you don't have it means nothing, the fear is of getting it.

Panic disorders are all seeing negative rather than positive. Quite often due to conditioning over a period of time where everything seems to be negative or from core beliefs. The negative in the core beliefs can be from repeated failures or they can be from people and situations telling you something negative over and over. Since you are new this is probably clear as mud.

To put it simple you are conditioned to see the negative in most situations rather than the positive. The simple is that you need to bury these negative thoughts with positive ones. The hard part is doing it. Especially if you are agoraphobic you will have a hard time letting go of control and acceptance. There is a way around this where you can keep control and still accept that you don't have any. Does that sound like a contradictory. Not really, it is actually a thought process. Some would say you have slipped over the border of being over cautious into OCD. I don't think so, at least not yet.

Another quirk about anxiety and panic disorders is panicking on replaying a situation rather than during the situation. Usually by expanding it all out of proportion. This is especially bad if it happens while you are asleep.

If you think this is a control thing then I can give you a way to deal with it. But first you should start the program so you understand what you are dealing with.

A couple of important things. First it is a condition, not a disease, and second is that it is totally curable.

Here for you,

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

NYCgirl,

The more you focus on the vision issue, the more you sink into the spiral called the panic cycle.

Read the article by Dr. F about the delicate balance, so you can see the path you'll need to take.

And keep the appointment with your physician on April 25.

There is a hierarchy of fears which exist, and you're starting to become aware of them, but it sounds like you need an intervention, which you will begin on April 25.

I think we both agree that your problem needs a lot more than the educational value that this site has to offer, but if you read Dr F's explanation, you'll be motivated to begin the program of recovery(and save some money maybe!).

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 9

Hey Davit, thanks for the info. :) Well, I first started being anxious about this eye disease after reading an article about it. The article wasn't trying to scare people. It was more of a narrative piece that was meant to inspire hope (written by the individual who lost her vision.) I am not sure why my anxiety issues decided to grab onto this, but they did. I wish I had never read that article, although I am glad I got my eyes checked because of it.

Some of my fears (aside from going blind) include being paralyzed, serious diseases, losing electricity (strange I know), and losing a close family member or friend. Come to think of it, two weeks ago (when my anxiety started to get really bad) my parents left for a cruise and had to fly on four different planes in the process. I was extremely anxious to lose them in a plane crash and I would think terrible thought after terrible thought.

About a month ago we had a terrible ice storm here and lost power for three days. I was incredibly anxious about that, as well. My family didn't really understand my obsessive behavior (calling the electric company, checking the 'outage restoration map' on the electric company's website, making sure there was always plenty of gas for the generator) but I was in a panic.

Maybe the obsession with blindness has to do with a fear of darkness and the unknown or not being in control?

I also had to work with a movie called "The Blindness" at work in recent weeks. The plot of this movie involved an entire city going blind. I was a bit anxious doing this film, but the anxiety faded until two weeks ago.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Just an after thought. Where did the idea of this eye disease come fro? Has some one close to you got it, a peer or family member? Why should you get it anyway? Looking for the trigger here! Looking for a reason to call this an unreasonable fear.

Do you have any other fears, related or not? New ones that could have triggered this thought.

Being 25, you should be in your prime with no major health issues that a yearly check up shouldn't take care of.

Here for you,

Davit.

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