Thanks, both of you.
I am not there yet but I feel I am really making progress. If I can just go about another week without having a major panic issue, I think I will become less frightened and be able to get out of this funk. It's only when I have one after the other that the cycle is hard to break.
I worked my butt of in my gym tonight. Twenty Eight minutes of cardio and then it was my day for chest workout. I was going to skip the chest workout, but my wife decided to do cardio after me so she inspired me to do the weights. I was whipped after the cardio. Then we had dinner and finished watching Alice in Wonderland.
Do you guys know what I mean when I say depersonalization or dissociation? I know it can mean different things for different people. Combine the two and you have confusion. Confusion of self, what's around you and the two together create a confidence problem. Mix OCD in with it and that's what so hard about trying NOT to think about it. If I can just focus on normal things and not focus on what is not real (reasons for panic, etc) then I am fine. It's kind of like the movie A Beautiful Mind. My wife helps me sometimes by reminding me that the character in the movie was seeing and talking to people who weren't there. She tells me the same thing about my reasons for anxiety. I always worry about things that most people probably don't even think about. It's kind of like if I do not have anything to worry about, I always fine something.
I've delt with this on and off throughout my life and I always think it's never going to go away and then it just goes. Isn't that weird, but also good? First time I had it really bad was when I was 16. Life was simpler then and I just figured it'd go away. It actually stuck with me for about 8 months, with a few moments of clarity in between. Throughout every episode I haver with it, Exercise has always been a key in feeling better.
OK, I know I have rambled a bit, but it really helps to write.
David