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14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 420

Wrestler,

I am glad to hear you are feeling a little better today. Congratulations on making the phone call to your therapist and making an appointment. You sound like you are moving in the right direction are comfortable with her. I do feel out of it at times I call it The strange in the strange land thing. I have been that way all day today. Stress and anxiety seem to bring it on for me.

I will rest up and I will be better in a few days. Remember it doesn't last forever. It does go away in time.

Take care and good luck with the sales.

Red

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Hi. I know it's not a step all the way back to the beginning, but it's really hard sometimes when I go back and forth like this.

I did recognize a negative thinking pattern today and was able to stop it. I only took meds once today, and that was at about 7:15 am.

I would definitely say today was better than yesterday. I still feel a bit out of it and had some dissociation and depersonalization. The two together provide this -am I really here?- kind of feeling. Anyone know what I mean?

I also noticed my OCD pretty strong today. I can't wait for the weekend. I now know I do not have to work and my (step)mother and brother are visiting us Saturday. This weekend is our "sales blitz" so we are required to sell a minimum of 2 new sales. I did one yesterday and one today. We have to turn them in between the 9th and 11th. My main job is not sales, but I am expected to upsell termite programs. It also pads my paycheck. OK, done with the boring work stuff.

Lastly, I finally made an appointment with my longtime therapist who I have not gone to see since late 2006. This is the woman who helped me through so many old hangups. Before I started seeing her in 1995, I was unable to talk about my mother's death, my first marriage, my father, many things about myself, anxiety, depression, fears, you name it. All I knew was that I needed to talk and that meds alone were not enough. I know I still have many of the lingering symptoms from time-to-time, but she taught me so much. It was just 2 years earlier in 1993 that my first marriage ended. Getting out of that was a neccesity. She drove me nuts sometimes. But I am so far removed from that.

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Wrestler: I hear your discouragement. Now you may think and feel that this step back was all the way back to the beginning, but it wasn't. Why? because you have more knowledge than at the start and you have the tools to get back on track and you used it. You recognized the negative thinking pattern and stopped it. Way to go! Next time you'll recognize it and can reject it even faster. Keep the faith.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Thanks everyone for noticing that I have improved. It's hard falling from feeling so, well, normal, whatever that is.

Ashley, now that I thought about it a bit more, I remember having some anxiety toward the end of last week. Weird and anxious thoughts out of nowhere that I try to control and not let get the better of me. It usually happens during work. I do a lot of thinking when I work and sometimes bad thoughts occur. That is what started happening end of last week. I was probably not breathing correctly and was probably rushing because I had appointments to get to on time. I have to remember that I can only do one at a time.

Anyway, time for bed. We just watched LOST and had chicken my wife made. The tryptophan in the dark meat calmed me a bit as did my workout. Going to try my relaxation program with my ear phones in bed this time.

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

David

I have to ask Reds forgiveness her because I am going to use her as an example. Do you remember a while back how she was on the top of the world and then it fell apart. Look at her now. She has put it back together and is going on and not letting a little set back stop her. And she will tell you that although it is not perfect it is getting better all the time. One little step at a time. Look at the other success people. They all have ups and downs. The trick is not to dwell on the downs, they are over and in the past and can't be changed. ( I know how hard this is to do.) Celebrate the ups. They are the proof you are doing better. You may not have noticed but you do sound better and I am glad to see you are finding the answers. It just takes time. Keep posting, we are listening. (reading)

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

David,

These minor set backs are to be expected and are a part of recovery. Remember it is temporary. What did you learn from this? What triggered this. This is all a part of healing, learning from these days will help you in the process.

We are here for you and we will support you through today.

Good for you for still managing to work out. It will be a stress release and even help your moods. You also caught yourself in negative thinking! That is great! You are getting the hang of it and you will see results. Just keep being positive and keep posting!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 517

Hi Wrestler,

I hate it when that happens too. But lately, I've started to accept that I will have bad days too... and just like how the bad days come like out of no where, I know that the good days will do too. It's hard to believe when I'm in the bad days, a lot of the times, that next week may get better, but I'm starting to believe that it may, more and more. It took a lot of effort to get to those good days and much worry that it may never come, that I end up wanting to hold onto those good days forever that when the bad days come it's so disappointing. But lately I realize that bad days are still part of life... and that makes the good days more recognizable. Best wishes.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

I forgot to add that I tried doing my relaxation program Sunday and I could not get relaxed for much of it. Lot's of noise in my head.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

After building my confidence, focus and positive attitude back to nearly normal (over a couple of weeks to a month)... I thought I was nearly "better." Whatever that means, right? :-)

In all seriousness, I was really feeling well. I had less anxiety, less OCD, less stress and then I even did not have to take a whole 5mg valium at our Friday meeting at work. I was doing really well... Then Sunday hits and I started to feel stress, anxiety and a bit of depression. It happens a lot on Sundays.

I know some of my stress came from the fact that this is a sales blitz week where we are required to make 2 sales minimum (I made one today). But all the anxieties and OCD's are back.

At one point today (during work), I began to panic to the point that I almost started to think of any bad thought I had experienced before that would cause panic. I soon caught myself and told myself that none of it was real. I then took 2.5 mg of valium. I had already taken a half at 7 am, and it was about 11. I then felt closed in or depressed much of the rest of the day, like kind of in a daze with touches of depersonalization and dissociation. Still feel it now.

But none of this was bad enough to ruin my day or my workout which I am in the middle of.

Can anyone give me some thoughts on this? I really hate it when I fall backward and it all comes back. I just want to feel like I did last week.

David

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