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14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

David

Will do thanks. My Grandpa had a box turtle.

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Davit;

I do take calcium supplements, but I may raise the amount and see what happens. I don't like the confusion feeling.

The turtle pen is 16 feet by 8 feet and is screened in with 4 heavy doors atop and 1 door to get in at the end. It's great fun taking care of them. One of the turtles we have my Father gave us 2 months before he became ill. She always reminds me of Dad. We named her Sunny Shlomo. She's a Florida Box turtle. Look up the name on google and see how pretty they are.

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Wrestler.

I was on tricyclic anti depressants for a year when my Dad died because I felt so guilty for not visiting more often. I sill miss him and it has been thirty years now. I uses to use Ativan very much as you do the diazepam. I could not get off the Ativan till I increased the Calcium. I wonder If you have had yours checked. Is your weight training wasting Calcium. Calcium is very necessary for the synapses to pass signals. Too low and you get confusion and disorientation because the signals just do not get to the brain. Calcium is also very calming. Some diuretics remove it from the blood also. I still take one to one and a half gram a day. I was as high as four when I was taking Ativan. Just a thought! I do not think I am OCD but I am picky about how and where things are placed. (tools mostly) I like things very neat. If you feel like throwing things you should get a foam (nerf) ball and do it. Laughing at the same time is a great stress reliever. Good way to keep the arms flexible too. You really are sounding so much calmer. I like the idea of a turtle pond. Do you have to fence out cats and dogs?

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

I also have to add to my previous post that this visit by my Mother was only the second time Mom has visited us since Dad died in Oct. 2008. This time it was much more comfortable for all of us. We live about an hour apart and our busy lives make it hard to visit a lot and Mom does not like to drive.

On the subject of my Father, I don't think I factor it in enough about how losing him may be affecting me this year. I sometimes want to throw something like a drinking glass at the wall when I think of him him being gone. There's some anger there. I also have a guilt factor like maybe we did not visit him enough or maybe if we visited him more when he was ill it might have made a difference. Truth is, everyone thought he was going to get better so we all tried to treat him as normal as possible.

I think about these things often and felt I needed to post about it to show the importance of some of these feelings I am having this year.

I also must add that Dad also had OCD.

OK, done for now,

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Thanks Ashley.

The sale week is finally over and I ended it by making an unexpected one on Friday. With that behind me, I can now focus better on not letting anxiety get the better of me. I am looking forward to my appointment with my therapist on April 28.

My Mom and brother visited today. Had a nice time. My wife's friend also visited us this morning for a little while.
They all loved out turtle pen and pond in the backyard.

I felt a little anxious earlier today so I took half a diazepam. I also did 27 minutes of cardio on our bike. Tonight I do my triceps workout. All this helps with stress and at the same time, helps my muscles. I have been into weight lifting and exercise since age 14. I am 43 now.

I still feel a bit cloudy about things. I think the reason I feel cloudy in the head is because I had a period of several weeks where I had OCD really bad which led to panic and then dissociation/depersonalization, unreality, and depression. I have a history of having panic attacks and then the result is depression for a period of time following the attack. I know it takes a while to recover from these types of things. While doing yoga a few weeks ago, I realized how confused and anxious I was when trying to concentrate on relaxing.

But then I was thinking about it: I feel more alert than the last few weeks. I know I feel a bit in a daze, but just a few days ago, I was in such a daze/fog that the unreality feelings were so strong. I know the symptoms I have mentioned all have to do with stress and are often our bodies way of safe guarding us, but they feel so darn uncomfortable.

I have also thought about how hard a time I have had with anxiety and intrusive thoughts this winter and now into the spring, and yet I am still here. I also think that feeling more alert can sometimes enhance anxiety.

What do any of you think about what I wrote here? Does any of it sound familiar?

OK, onto my workout. Thanks again to everyone for the support.

David

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

David,

I remember when you went through that court stuff. I was so proud of how you handled it

You have been through a lot and you are being very strong and resourceful! So glad to have you here and that you are having a better day today!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 195

Wow! Thanks everyone so much for all your responses and nice thoughts. I have to tell you that I started to feel a lot better today. It was gradual, but soon the fears that were there at the beginning of the week have turned into positive thoughts about the weekend. I was so relieved yesterday that I made my quota of 2 sales. Now I do not have to go in Saturday and can spend the whole weekend with my wife, and when my mother and brother visit Saturday. I already have to work next Saturday so I am glad I reached my quota and won't be stuck there this weekend.

Ashley, you asked what I hope to achieve with my appointments: Since it's been so long since I have gone to see her, which is amazing considering that I used to have to go every week, I hope to gain back my strength to where I am not afraid of everything again. Where I don't have to obsess over everything or have cycles of OCD that are so hard to deal with that panic ensues and all the other lovely stuff that goes along with it like dissociation and the related symptoms. I have had some bad things happen to me the past year and a half: My father died Oct 2008, which shocked my whole family; A few short months later, I got stabbed (not literally) in the back by the employer and manager I worked for and was let go for no reason than the fact that they are a crooked business, then a month later the owner tried to get me to pay back the 3 weeks unemployment I collected because she let me go, but did not want me to be able to collect it. I won her childish appeal! If I had lost I would have been humiliated and have to pay it back. The manager actuaklly defened the owner during the unemployment hearing even though she gave a great reference to my current employer: Can you say two face?

Then there was the stress of being unemployed for those 3 weeks and also the 3 week process it took for my current employer to hire me and the stress of the training for my current job. And all this while Seasonal Affective Disorder was really strong this year.

OK, that was a lot to type. Time to get ready for my workout. Thanks again. It meant a whole lot to me to see all the responses and support.

David

P.S. You guys can call me David or if you're comfortable, just keep calling me Wrestler :-)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 517

Hi Wrestler,

thanks for letting me know you are far removed from your first marriage. I know I'm not dwelling as much about mine but it is still is a big issue for me. I'm glad you are feeling better and yes, I hate the depersonalization feeling too. I used to watch Lost all the time, until I started getting anxiety disorder, now I can't sit and watch that show... triggers too much anxiety for me! Best wishes for your therapy appointment.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Wrestler: hoping your appt. will be just right for you and the therapy helpful in tieing up all the loose ends.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11213

Wrestler,

The weekend is almost here!

I think it is great that you have made an appointment with your therapist! I am sure she will be happy to see you and how much you have improved! What are you hoping to get out of your appointments with her?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

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