Hi Autumn-sky,

Tiana, Health Educator

Thanks Tiana. I ended up talking with my bf because he wasn't making an effort to read the letter so i basically told him what i wrote. I guess i could ask him what i can do to help him but if he says that i should stop complaining so much about his neice being here or his family and their issues and them always bothering him with something thats going to be a problem because i will not stop voicing my opinion and telling him how i feel. He would be happy if i just dealt with whatever is going on and kept quiet about it and i will not do that. I don't think its fair that i should have to put up with them and their neverending problems. My family has problems but they don't dump them in my lap all the time. I don't even know what is going on they handle things themselves. Its ok to need help sometimes but not to the extent that they need help. Not only that they just don't understand boundaries. They are constantly calling all the time, we can't even have peace on weekends. The phone rings off the hook. The only way we can have peace is to move away or at least go on vacation and we can't afford that now. Plus they will just call the cell phone. I'm sorry Tiana i know you are trying to help. I'm just not in a good place right now, I've been sick, both me and my bf have had the flu or something and then his neices father was harrassing us this past week, he wants to tell us what to do and run things when he is the one who begged my bf to take in his daughter. He is a nuisance and his daughter doesn't want anything to do with him and my bf is almost to that point too. I'm just tired of the whole situation. Her being here and always needing money and whining about what she needs. I'm just irritated. I appreciate your support and input though. I did read some more of the program.

Tiana, Health Educator

autumn-sky

Thanks upside down for sharing your story with me. You have been through alot. I'm glad your son is doing well and everything worked out well for him. You did what you had to do and it was necessary. I wrote my bf a letter because i do that alot since i express myself better through writing. I told him how we need to sit down with his neice and discuss rules and boundaries while she is with us and her future, what she is going to do. As of yesterday he still didn't read the letter. He said he forgot to. He doesn't like my letters. He doesn't like to hear the things i have to say. I am in my 40's and i don't have kids. I have been with my bf for a long time we just have not married, that is my choice. I want to but i'm scared. I know it doesn't make much sense when we've been together for so long. He is a good man and i do like the fact that he wants to help his family but he always puts them before me. I am not a priority to him. He says i am but i'm not. He is just always afraid of them getting mad at him if he doesn't do something for them. He feels obligated and feels that he is responsible for their well being. Meanwhile i am having a hard time with my depression and anxiety. I know that can't be easy on him either, i think some men might have left by now. When his neice moved in my anxiety level went through the roof. I started having more panic attacks. I am used to being alone when he is not home. I like my alone time, my space, my peace and my privacy. When she came and i didn't have it i got really anxious. I have a constant state of anxiety. I am going to try to do this program as much as i can but i don't know how much it can help me. I don't know about talking with the stepmom. My bf will probably have a problem with that. Her father doesn't even want her over there, why i don't know. Well he said that she complained to him once about having to buy more food when shes there and she is a picky eater. She always wants to know what we are eating and half the time she doesn't want it, she likes to go out to eat or go to pick up takeout. She is something else. She has to eat whatever is here and sometimes i don't want to cook and my bf doesn't complain he will eat whatever is here so she has to do the same. At first i would give her money to buy something. Not anymore. Also, i didn't really write an actual book, i just meant that i wrote such a long post it was like a book. However i have thought of writing a book since i do like to write. That is something to think about. Anyway thanks for your support it means alot.

Tiana, Health Educator

Thanks everyone for your support and responses. I am going to try as much as i can to come on to this site and do the reading and the program. I really appreciate the support i'm getting because i was another site before and received some very hurtful comments from people. They didn't understand my feelings about not being able to cope with my bf's neice living with us and they were telling me i needed to try to get to know her better, teach her how to behave and they were saying that i wasn't being supportive of my bf. This was on a site that was also for mental illness. So i was hesitant to share my story here but i am so stressed and having such a hard time i had to try. I will try to answer some of your questions. I did take my bf to some of my therapy sessions. He has not been with me to see my psychiatrist. When we go to the therapist together he listens and we communicate more than we would if there were not a 3rd person there so that is a good thing but he still doesn't get how hard it is for me having his neice there. My bf's family has a lot of issues and they are very dependent and needy. He has a hard time saying no to them about anything. One of his brothers already has family members living with him and another brother has a large family of his own and then there is his neice's father who she can't stay with because they had an altercation. She is due the end of June she was told and she is already showing quite a bit. She is really not able to raise a child, she is unrealistic about what is going to happen and what she is going to have to deal with. She is totally dependent on us right now. She is used to being taken care of and that is all she knows. She had a job in the summer but quit. She seems to think we are rich and we are not, she constantly asks for money and things she needs or just wants. She has no idea how much it costs to live. She doesn't realize that her living with us is an added expense. She really would like for someone to take care of her and her child while she goes to college once she gets her GED. That is what she is doing now and it is a night program from 5:30pm to 8:30pm. That ends in May. She has no idea where she is going to live when the baby is born. She has a few ideas but has not narrowed it down. I am going to have to sit her down and tell her she needs to come up with a plan and be settled somewhere by May. She wanted to live with us until she finished the GED program. I said yes at the time because she had just found out she was pregnant and was crying and upset and i felt bad. But i don't know how i can deal with this for another 5 months. I think she was hoping we would get a larger place so she and her child could live with us. I don't want anyone living with us. We have been living together for years alone and thats the way i want it to stay. I told her the other day that she needed to get a pt job since she likes to have things and do things that cost money. She said she didn't want the job to interfere with her shool. I said it shouldn't interfere. I said you are home all day until 4:00 and you don't have school on Friday Saturday or Sunday. You can work a few hours a week or on the weekend just to have some money for yourself. When she is home all she does is sleep, and get on the computer and eat. And she is not on the computer only doing school work, she is on facebook. So she just looked at me when i said that to her. I think she thinks that she should be able to only go to school and we will financially support her while she goes. We don't really have the money to do that. When i complain to my bf and just gets annoyed with me because he doesn't want to hear it. He says that he is not going to give her money for spending and that he is going to get on her about finding a job but he has a hard time telling her no. I always am the one that always has to tell her she can't do something or can't have something. I have to tell her when she is doing something in the house i don't like such as talking all loud on the phone at 2 in the morning. Its always me. I am like the bad guy all the time. I think she was upset that i told her she had to get a job because she left early the next day and then stayed that night and last night at her Stepmothers house which is not far from her school. I don't know why she can't stay there. She goes there from time to time and spends a few days but she always comes back. I think it has to do with room and money. She was married to her Father for several years but they are divorced now. She calls this woman mom though. She claims she is going to help her find housing. I also told her she should talk to the counselor at the hospital where she goes to see if they can help her get housing. I showed her the list of affordable housing in our area online also. She is not doing anything though. When she is here she sleeps until the afternoon and then gets up and eats, gets online if there is time, or she gets dressed and goes to school and comes home around 9:30 or 10:00pm. She sees me doing nothing as well. She mentioned to me when we were looking at jobs in the paper that i should check one of the jobs out. This is what i don't like. That she knows my business. I'm really angry that she is living with us knowing what i do and don't do. I am thinking i need to get a P.O. Box as well so she is not looking through my mail when it comes. Meanwhile before she came i was struggling with my depression and anxiety. I don't have many friends. Well i have none here where i live. I have a few that live in the state that i'm from but we don't see each other much, we don't talk. I am estranged from my brother and sisters. After my mom died in 2006 things went on and it changed our relationship. My mom's death really contributed to my depression. I couldn't do much of anything after that. Because i wasn't expecting it and because of how my brother and sister acted and treated me, i felt betrayed by them. The depression made me withdraw from everyone and my friends also stopped bothering with me. I actually lost the few friends i had here where i live now. I moved to the state that my bf lives in. So now i just have him here, i am not close to his family. Anyway i have written a book but i wanted to tell you a little more about my situation and myself. I thank you guys for being so supportive and responding to me.