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My story is sort of different

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 653

Hi Autumn Sky,

It sounds like you are in a very challenging situation. Try to get some time on the computer for a bit each day. Slow and steady is a good way to go. Learning a bit each day will help you as you moved forward, and help you handle this situation as well as you can. Be gentle with yourself. It's great that you are saving your energy to take care of yourself! That is important! It is not selfish.

You've been given some great advice and support! Let us know what is working and keep your chin up. Breathe!

Tiana, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 420

Autumn-Sky - already this wonderful group is helping you put a plan together.

So, take a few deep breaths to center and ground yourself.

If you want to run your 'talk' by us as a rehearsal, we're here for you.

Most important is to stay calm so the focus isn't placed back on you.

This is just as important for her as it is for you so don't let them bully you into believing you are selfish.

Perhaps your BF needs to go with you to your next visit with your psychiatrist/therapist.

How understanding is he of your 'illness' - he may need some education regarding helping you. and helping his niece.

You are well supported here. Breath that in!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hello Everyone: Was just thinking about community resources. Anything available in your area for young unwed mothers? They offer great services and guidance for the young mother. Might even find her a place to stay. I think it would be a good idea for your bf and you to sit down together with her one evening and have a talk about everyone working as a team. Introduce the services available in your area - have the names and phone numbers ready and listed to give her to use. What can she contribute to the household? A part-time job is an excellent idea if she is in good health. It not only would get her out of the apt. but would be good for her own self-esteem. She must realize that once she has the baby she can't really stay in a one-bedroom apt. with you, there just wouldn't be enough room. Let her know that you will work together on a solution.

As for privacy about your health - you don't have to tell her anything. Just say it's a private matter, but thank you for asking.

hope these suggestions can give you some ideas to work with,

Your friend, Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 72

Hi Autumn-Sky,

I hope you stay with us - you'll get alot of support.

I guess I'm just a curious person and hope you don't mind my asking, or really stating - I just want to get the situation clear so I can help you to find peace of mind along with the others here - she's 17 and only 2 weeks pregnant. Does she not attend school during the day or is she not working.? Was the pegnancy from a tragic circumstance or where is the responsible boy/ and his family? Sounds like a very dysfunctional situation. And I say this because I recognize it. May not be the same story, but sure is the same dysfunction when I was in my 20s. If she felt grown up enough to have unprotected sex, or sex at her age, then she's grown up enough to do responsible things - such as work, etc. You're in a one bedroom and no one else could take her in because they don't have room - sure sounds like you don't have room either.

I apologize, I have compassion, don't get me wrong, but there is also a situation to be looked at and taken by the horns and worked out. Time to build your self esteem which you've come to the right place for help !

I don't know if you are spiritual or not, if you are, then its time to pray to receive answers from a Higher Source since the those around aren't helping you. It's not good for someone with your Dx to be pushed against the wall and feel trapped. There's a saying - Good luck, bad luck. Something always comes of any situation - this may be your time to get a grip, do what you need to do for yourself - sounds like your agoraphobia is being challenged, it's tuned on you and there's only one way out - and that's looking within when you can settle down and get out of the drama. you deserve it - and you'll stand up for yourself with full belief in yourself so others don't knock you down with what they feel and want. Of course, there's compromise, but you get my drift, I hope. You can do this with the support of your psychiatrist, your therapist and us. I can't get to group so this has been a great substitute. Already I'm feeeling like myself again. I needed to pull myself together since I am in a very public business - the stigma is that if someone has a 'mental' illess, they're also stupid. I'm sure you are an intelligent person. And will come up witha solution. Stick with us, there are geat people here who can help you back to freedom.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 10

Thank you Davit, I didn't even think about the fact that not having control over a situation could bring on a panic attack. I knew it had to do with my bf's neice being here but i kept thinking what am i fearing though? Thanks for that and thanks for your support it means alot.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 10

Hi Ashley,

Thank you for you support and response. You are right about me feeling guilt. I do feel alot of guilt about this. And people that i have vented to don't make it any easier on me by telling me how i should be handling the situation and that i am wrong for feeling the way i do. I have been trying to do the panic program but its hard to get on it and do the reading because i don't have alot of time to be online sometimes. We have one computer for all 3 of us and i like to be alone when i am online especially when i'm on this site. I don't want her to know i am struggling with depression and anxiety. Therefore I can't include her in any exercises. That is another reason i am upset because i didn't want her to know i wasn't working and now she knows. She doesn't know i'm on disability yet but if she sees mail come for me she will find out and she'll start questioning me about it. She already has asked about why i take so many meds. She asks alot of personal questions which i hate. I am a very private person. I don't have alot of energy and i have problems getting up and doing things and she is always asking me if i'm okay. I didn't want her to know all of my personal business. My psychiatrist just told me to try to get to my appts with my therapist every week and try to make the group that is once a week. I never make that because its early in the morning and i don't sleep well at night and can never get up in time. I really need to see a therapist more than once a week but she doesn't have any time. He said i can take my klonopin twice a day instead of once a day for the anxiety. That is about all he said. I could go to the day program if i want to but then i wouldn't be able to see my therapist anymore. I don't really want to do the day program. I did explain to her that i like to be by myself alot and would she be able to go visit her uncle or someone sometimes on the weekends and she said yes she could do that. She does every now and then. She knows that i am the type o f person that likes to be alone but she still wants to talk and wants my attention. I don't even want to come out of my bedroom. Plus i'm so angry and this is a problem because its starting to show. I am not talking as much as i used to. I used to try harder to make her feel ok about being here. I'm not doing that anymore. I'm angry about the fact that we don't have the money to take care of her and her father refuses to help. She is not trying to find a pt job and constantly needs money. I told her about it the other day that she needs to have some spending money of her own and i don't think she liked it. This is just a bad situation and i'm getting really resentful and i'm afraid of what might happen with all the anger i'm holding in.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 10

Hi, thank you for your support. I never studied CBT before. I have been trying to read the program as much as i can. I don't have alot of time to spend online sometimes. We have one computer for the 3 of us. She is home during the day and then my bf comes home. I like to be online alone when no one is around to see what i'm doing. We have a small one bedroom apartment so i don't have alot of space. I stay in my room alot and i hate to say that i have the door closed alot. Usually during the day. I hate to do that because i don't want her to feel bad but i am so anxious and just upset at the situation that i just can't deal with leaving the door open and having her come in and start talking. She is a very talkative person and she asks alot of questions. Personal ones. I am an introvert and i value my privacy, so you can see how different we are and how this would be a problem for me. Anyway thank you for your response and your support it means alot.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hello Autumn Sky: Welcome to the site. It sounds as though you are going through a lot right now. I don't know the answer, but perhaps starting the CBT program will be helpful for you. Have you studied CBT before? I hope you decide to do it. Also reading past and present posts can be helpful.

As for privacy, I don't know how big your home is, perhaps you could have a room or two which could be private for you. Whenever you felt you needed alone time, you could go into these rooms. Just a suggestion.

Keep posting, we care.

Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Hi Autumn-sky,

Welcome to the group. You are certainly not alone in this. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, not only are you trying to address your anxiety but it also sounds like you are hearing a lot of "shoulds". You should do this, you should feel this way, etc., etc. This obviously is leading to guilt and possibly making the anxiety worse. If you gain anything from this post I hope you are able to let go of the guilt a little bit. Yes, some people may not be able to understand how you feel but that doesn't mean you are a bad person.

The Panic Program can help you with the anxiety. Examining some of your triggers and trigger thoughts would be a great jumping off point. It may take some effort to discover these triggers. I suggest talking to your psychiatrist about this program and perhaps asking for their advice on using the program.

Now I don't know your situation completely but it sounds like, at this point, there is no other option but for your boyfriends niece to live with you. I would talk to your psychiatrist to get an understanding of how determinatal having this girl living in your house would be to your recovery.

In the mean time, how do you think you could include her in your exposure work? Do you think she would be able cooperate with you regarding avoiding you for sometimes of the day, etc.? How would you be able to tell her about what you are going through? Would you be comfortable sharing this with her? How can you include her in finding a solution for this? Possibly approaching this as a team will not only help you but it may also ease the guilt and help her to feel welcomed.

Members, please share your thoughts.

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Autumn sky.

Welcome to the site.

Pretty handle, I like it. Yes I can understand you perfectly, you are not alone. Others here can understand you too. Please go over the posts from yesterday, especially the one on agoraphobia. Not having some control or say in a thing is a very big cause of panic attacks.

I am here at least twice a day post anything and post often.

Here for you.

Davit.

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My story is sort of different