Thank you for reading and trying to understand me. I think it is reasurring to know that I'm not the only one that feels a kind of inner pain when they examine their reasons for thinking or doing and find it has not been correct in certain areas, mine being anxious thoughts. I'm just saying that it is a lot easier for me to do that when I realize it is a human condition. I did not invent fear, negativity or anxiety and it has been here long before I arrived in the world but somehow I have adopted thoughts related to anxiety that I need to change. I have noticed a lot of my thinking are to prepare myself so I won't be surprised by something negative. Instead I worry about a lot of things. This is just so wrong and I really had no idea I was doing that fully, like I knew but did not know how it was related. I need to deal with any negative news or surprises when they come and stop anticipating. On the surface I'm really optimistic but the negative thinking occurs as how I explained above and is tied in with the anxiety. Thanks, Shel
I agree, these realizations have been really important for me. More and more I'm feeling a lot less "stuck in the middle"! Seriously, the pain can be pretty brutal, because you realize how things have been so bad or messed up for the past however long, but then at least you can be thankful for the fact that you are doing something about it and I will never live a day like I used to (in panic and fear). Yes, I will experiences those at times, but I will never let them control me and my life.
I thank YOU for you support and really appreciate your insight!
That is really wonderful that you had those important realizations. I guess that is how it will go, we feel bad and then we feel good, so don't worry about the bad because the good will show up. I suppose if it were painless, we would have gravitated to a healing from this much sooner. It is human to try to avoid pain but pain is part of life. In my opinion, with an anxiety disorder that feeling I get when I'm about to face something is painful and my response to it in the past was exaggerated, even just a little. I don't know if I were more sensitive or I told myself things that others did not but whatever I did, it was not right. I also feel that it is such a fine line that I have crossed over. In the mist of feeling desperate over this it feels like the distance of earth to the moon, like it can never be conquered but it is really just a little line I need to walk over to get to the other side. It is really interesting to do this work I think, it's like opening up a door that has not been opened for centuries. I think I need to learn different ways of thinking when negative things happen and I can see where the homework is leading me in that direction. Thanks for the support and for sharing, I really appeciate it. Shel
It has been a big help to me to do the homework as it helps to realize what was going through my mind and exactly how I was feeling. How much of it was true and what was anticipations to something bad happening. I had to get over the idea that you don't have to prepare for disaster all the time. It is like there were a nugget of truth and a whole lot of making stuff up. I guess a big part of my anxiety disorder is the fear of a "bad" surprise but I now realize that a person can prepare and anticipate all their life and spend all that time doing that for the chance that it could help when the rare chance that disaster strikes. Even when these bad surprises come, they usually always come through no fault of our own and no fault to us because we are not prepared. We cannot prepare for the zillion possible ways disaster strikes or if any particular disaster would ever strike me. The bad surprise or disaster would happen with people though with me, that is where my anxiety is, social anxiety. I have more to learn but everytime I do I feel like I heal a little more. Thanks, Shel
Thanks so much for sharing that. I am feeling better thanks, the rest of the weekend started looking up after all. I had some really great conversations with a few key people in my life and got a few things off my chest that i'd been meaning to do for some time.
I can really relate to the notion that having "realizations" can be painful. I guess in a sense that is what I went through this weekend. I made some huge realizations, was in lots of pain because of these but then I talked it over and felt a small sense of relief or progress. I guess this whole "life" thing is full of realizations, and they aren't always easy, but they make you a better person for it.And yes I agree, we are bringing the pain out in the open and letting it go properly. I am so thankful for your responses Shel!
I am glad to see that your anxiety has more recently decreased. I'm sorry that you did not find this site sooner but the good news is that you have found it and you are here with us now! I'm glad you are still doing the homework and "keeping it real", just a reminder that we are here for you everyday. Continue to post and ask questions!
What lessons have you learned since starting this program?
I hope you are feeling better. I am attributing the bad days to growing pains, how about you? I have dumped about half of the anxiety I had by going off my allergy medication. It is fall now and I really don't need to take it anyway. I really did not know how the allergy med would make my anxiety so bad so that helped me alot. I still have anxiety though, the Singular just made it twice worse. Right now is the level of anxiety I live with and have lived with since I have been alive. I spoke with my baby sister, I'm the oldest and she never experienced the physical abuse that I did. My dad got less and less abusive with every child until he is not abusive anymore at all. I'm happy for that. My baby sister probably suffers the most from anxiety disorder so where the physical abuse played a part is probably just an ingredient in my anxiety disorder and the rest is possibly hereditary. My mother has anxiety symptoms and had then for as long as I've known her. The one thing about me is that I try not to avoid situations when it came to my son as I did not want him to suffer from my anxiety disorder. So I lived outside of my box which was good for me but painful. I think with an anxiety disorder a person can have this little world and if there is no reason more important that would push them to go outside of their little world then they could suffer from not growing. It is really painful to live outside the box when a person has a social anxiety disorder but each situation becomes more tolerable each time it is faced. I wish I found this site a long time ago though, it would have made things easier on me in the past. Since I started I have realized so much but it has been painful too. I think that maybe we are taking the pain that is inside us and bringing it up and out of ourselves. I'm still doing the homework and keeping it real. Let me know how things are going for you. Shel
I'm glad you are going to try the deep breathing and meditating that is great! I unfortunately have been feeling bad this week. Just when you have a few good days, it totally changes and just like that I feel out of it again. I'm trying to use this program as much as possible i've been quite busy. I think I'll have to get a hold of some cds or tapes for myself actually. Thanks for being there SHEL!
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