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Is it a Nervous Breakdown

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

I just hit my eye on my headboard of my bed! I was talking on the phone for a minute and I laid down under my fan to relax as I was getting up I hit my eye, right on the eyebrow really hard, now I am freaking out about my eye, I am sure others have hit thier eye accidently, I put some ice on it but I think I am imagining blurry vision or a concussion, it was a very small area.

I have to relax, I am so nervous about my appt tommorow with my nurse and then the appt with the camera down my throat this bump is just adding too it! I am going to try some relaxtion techniques, I am fearing the future and now this bump and it scaring me!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

It was so nice to log on and see that my "angel" wrote too me. Thank you Carmie and Sunny if there was ever a day I needed too hear from you it was now, sometimes this site is all that keeps me going and the hope of recovery and my life back again.

I have my nurse appt tommorow, I am going to go in with "less expectations" I am not going to go there {if I make it because I am scared too leave the house} I am not going to expect her too wave her magic wand and cure me, that is not going too happen, I will just get my meds and go, I keep hoping she will "cure" me and that is unrealistic she does not have that power.

I think the two things right now that are keeping me ill is number one I just went through a year of therapy and it did not help in fact I think it made me worse and that is scary, towards the end he got angry and "snakey" with me, almost like I was hurting his ego because I was not getting better, and that is so unfair too me, he is the mental health professional too act unprofessional because I was not getting better was not good, and the comment about me being "crazy" and "what color flowers do you want for you're funeral" was just plain mean, its going to take me awhile to forget that, I put my health, trust, money, and mental health in this man's hands, somehow I must let it go, I know tommorow my nurse is going to insist I see a therapist, but its so hard to find someone in the evening and after my bad experience I am so gun shy even too try again.

Also my voice is still not back and that "lump" in my throat came back and I am dreading a camera down my throat, I doubt I can do that, it terrifies me, and if its cancer I will fall apart! This and the therapist disaster is keeping me sick I think, I so wish I did not become physcially sick because I plummeted down back bad. I have to start going back up, for my family.

I have had some sort of epithany of sorts I realize now, that there is NO magic pill, person, or thing that is going to make me well, I have to somehow someway draw upon what strength I have left and help myself, my Aunt seems to think I am going to need some help, I think she means a female therapist or a new med, but I cannot take the antidepressants and its probably going to take a little while to find a new therapist, I should deal with the throat issue first, which is scaring me very badly.

I use to be a strong person, I always counted on myself and not others I had courage and bravery and not full of fear. I have too keep praying and hoping I can have my life back, one of the last things my therapist said to me was "just accept the fact you will be miserable for awhile" I do NOT want to accept that, noone should accept feeling terrible panicky and depressed, I know acceptance is good in some things but him telling me just to be miserable was not right, I think I bought into that and it happened! I know others on this site have crawled out of the deep dark hole of panic and depression and that gives me hope, one day I hope too be one of them and help others like you all have helped me. Two things I still have and trying too hold on too and live, my family and my hope, I often heard where there is hope there is life. Thank you for praying for me.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Sunny - I just wanted to say that it is so nice to see you sunshine around here! Debora, looking forward to hearing from you. I am grateful for your friendship and support here!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi D: I'm sorry you are still so anxious about your symptoms. I thought with your throat and ear getting better you would feel some easing of your anxiety. It's good that you are reaching out to your nurse and I hope you get some relief. I just wanted to let you know I am still saying prayer for you too. I am not on as much, but I do care as I'm sure all members do. We want to support and cheer everyone on their healing journey and celebrate with them on each goal achieved.

Did you have a positive for today? That was one of the topics last wk. It's always nice to go to sleep on a positive thought and wake with a positive thought. I often just like to stretch and it feels so good just to feel my body respond especially if I am tense.

Hang in there, keep thinking positive and have faith in your body's healing power,

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Hi Debora,

I'm really glad you wrote. I hope that the nurse will receive a cancelation, too. How are your symptoms?

At work today, I went to a lunchtime lecture on anxiety. Most of the people there were caring for people in their families who suffered from anxiety. It was very interesting. There was one man there who says that he suffers from anxiety and he has found great relief by taking something called L-Theanine. It's not a drug, it is an amino acid found in tea plants. You can take it as a dietary supplement. Maybe you could talk to your nurse about it? I wonder if anyone here has tried it.

We were talking a lot about the long term effects of anxiety and the counselor who was leading the seminar said that anxiety can cause fatigue. That and the fact that you had such a bad cold could explain how tired you have been. How are you feeling tonight?

I peeked at the Depression site. It's very fancy, don't you think? I hope that either the homework there or here might be of use to you this week. As you might know, I had a difficult time getting through it because I often got interrupted. It's the sort of thing you need to schedule into your day.

I will continue to pray for you to get better, Debora. I know that you will! I just hope it will be soon!

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Carmie and Josie,

I went too bad last night very early that is why I did not post back I just wanted to sleep I had no energy. I called my nurse today, I have an appt thursday, but there may be a problem with my husbands schedule at work I will get into in a minute, I told her I was in a pretty bad way and if she had any cancellations today and she said no she was booked up, I was so hoping she could squeeze me in or stay later since it probably is an emergency because of the state of my mental health lately, I never asked this before, I do understand she is booked and she has a life too and does not want too stay too late I was so hoping too get into her tonight but no go. I have an appt thursday at six but my husband told me that they are doing a big job and if they are not through, they have to have it completed for the big-wigs by Friday morning, everyone will have too stay late and then I will have no way to my appt, its kind of far away and have too cancel, and then she would be mad! Everything is so hard sometimes, I understand it was short notice but I feel I really need to be seen and now I have to worry about not being able to go thursday and she may get mad at me and drop me as a patient, and I hope not I do like her and she is the only one who will give me my meds, I did try very hard too get in, its SO hard to get in a Doctor for an emergency.

I am working the homework Josie, I go back a lot an re-read things I get stuck on that is what is probably making me get behind, I dont like to go forward till I get thru it and thats been hard, also our printer is broken and I have to write out the sample homework sheets by hand and my e-mail sometimes does not come through with the work, I dont mind writing them out by hand it takes longer but its worth it. I think I will go to the depression site and the stop smoking site, the nicotine withdrawal has been brutal, I only smoked 3 or 4 cigarettes a day but its still hard, but I know its for my own good health.

I am going to hope and pray I can make it too my nurse Thursday, a cab ride would be fifty dollars because its about a half hour drive and everyone I know works and taking three buses would shake me I know that would be too panic provoking to take 3 buses I dont even know the routes. I read some about Paula Dean Carmie she is a great woman and seems strong too, I know when it all comes down too it it is ME that must help ME recvoer, there is no magic pill or person or wand, I know I want to be better and I want to live for my family and I am going to try harder, try not too let the fear and terror and hopelessness take over which is exactly what is happening, somehow I must change my negative thoughts to positive ones and keep doing it. This is such a hard road but I cannot give up, I do wish my nurse could of helped me tonight but its not too be, I am not going to be seeing the therapist anymore so I cant not have anyone. Maybe she will still call back with a last minute cancellation, I am going to pray for that, I need it badly. Thank you for help and words and prayers. Deb.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12049

Debora,

As moderators we can only suggest so much and of course we cannot prescribe or give medical advice. Have you worked on the depression side of your issues? The sister site DepressionCenter.net also has CBT therapy and a program that can help you progress with your depression.

You are so good at finding insight and knowledge that it might be worth a try to read through?

CBT is only effective when you do the homework. Worksheets help you track your homework exercises and CBT is a lot of work, but it can be helpful to you.

When doing CBT homework, you move through the Depression Program, the worksheets will change as you change. Make sure you give yourself time to do the homework properly - you know your depression best so it's really up to you to decide how often you do your homework. Take your time when you do your homework, be comfortable with what you are doing.

Each session in the Depression Program is based on previous sessions, and if you track your mood with your Mood Tracker (and keep notes in the spaces provided) you'll see much improvement over the coming weeks.

At the beginning of each session we give you a Weekly Review, which allows you to see how far you've progressed. We save your Weekly Review results in your Session Diary, so you will see a collection of results, which are all based on what you write in your worksheets.

CBT is a lot of work Debora, but it might just assist you in progressing.

Hope this helps,

Josie, Health Educator

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 373

Debora,

Hi. Please know that you can always come here. I wish I had answers for you. What are your symptoms right now?

I will say the serenity prayer for both of us right now.

If it helps - here is a little from what I've been reading about Paula Deen, since seeing her interviewed on television.

Paula did not even know that she had agoraphobia or that anyone else in the world felt as she did. In 1973, a neighbor (who she learned was also agoraphobic!) called to tell her to turn on the Phil Donahue show (the subject was agoraphobia). She was so relieved to know that she wasn't alone. However, she could not afford therapy and eventually made her own plan to recover. She said she looked in the mirror one day and decided she needed to make changes.

From what I read, the program that she created for herself was a lot like CBT. Most importantly, it was something she was 100% committed to follow it. She did small exposure work (driving around the block with her sun in the car, then driving to the store, then going into the store). A lot of this reminded me of my exposure work.

She also found something she loved and was truly passionate about. Paula says that being agoraphobic allowed her to become a really good cook. Here are her final words of advice in the article:

As you face your fears and beat them, it gets easier," she says. In her case, "I
just made the commitment to work, and the harder I worked, the luckier I got.
I'll go to bed tonight and see what happens tomorrow."

I know I haven't been able to answer any of your questions. I just wanted to let you know that I believe in you and I believe you can get better. I hate to think that you are sad. I hope that you will not be sad for long and that you can get the help that you need or the strength to commit to change. I know it's not easy when you are sick and tired. I just wanted to let you know what I'll be praying for.

Take care,

Carmie

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

I am sorry I do not know where too turn or what too do. I think I have had a nervous breakdown. For the past three days I cannot stop crying unless I am sleeping, the months and months of terror and fear I feel have finally taken its toll. I was reading a book last night about depression in women "why do I feel this way" the author says most episodes of depression untreated without a antidepressant last 3-12 months, I am going on month 15, if I cannot take antidepressants and CBT is not working correctly for me what do I do? This lifted a bit in November and December, and I felt some hope in Jan, but getting so sick in Feb with the broncitis I feel threw me back into the whole of darkness, I need to go to the doctor but I am unable to leave my home, I hope I can make my nurse Thursday, I am already dreading that, basically she just hands me my script and out the door in 15 minutes, she told me to see a therapist but that did not help. I need a throat exam, an eye exam and a GYN exam and I need them badly and I am unable to leave my home, am I getting worse? I am so afraid I will never ever get better and the fears of cancer and heart attack do not help matters. Being physcially and emotionally sick is the worst, I feel people in my life have given up on me, its like "just live with it" but no one can live like this I do not think.

I cannot believe its 2012 and with all the advances made I have to live like this, I mean there MUST be a antidepressant that would not cause me to vomit and be so dizzy I cannot get out of bed, only that would be worse than living like this, I tried four of them and the side effects sent me to the hospital, I was vomiting blood actually, like Davit, I cannot take them.

I am sorry I do not mean too vent and whine, I fear I am losing my mind because this "thing" will not go away, and I do not even know if I have some terminal illness because I have not been to the doctor, except for the one at urgent care who gave me the antibotics, I fear throat cancer because I am still hoarse after two week and that lump is still slightly down there, I do not even walk my dogs anymore, which is a very very bad sign that was the only time I go out of the house, this is so bad.

Has anyone out there, anyone suffered as long as me and as bad and still got better? I am so afraid I have cancer because of the throat symptoms and the tiredness, I am SO tired I could sleep all day and night, is that depression? I have prayed for my life back, but its been almost a year and a half, I do not want to go to a mental ward, that scares me, I dont want to hurt myself or others so that is probably not an option anyway and my husband would lose his job. I have to be here for my son, even through I am in a very bad way I still can care for him and the dogs, he cannot be left alone and noone can help us.

Will this end? Is there something I am not doing or doing wrong? the panic was bad enough but the depression on top is almost unbearable. I fear cancer and death but I cannot live like this. Has anyone ever been this bad and recovered?

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Is it a Nervous Breakdown