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Dealing with the Negativity of Others

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Thanks for adding that Davit.

Kaitie, no matter what your father is going through how can you protect yourself? How can prevent him from affecting how you feel?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Ashley

One thing I would like to add is that although the medication is person specific and disease specific once a person is on what is right for them they live a pretty normal life. Take my friend k......... she did not know she was Bipolar till diagnosed. Now she is very stable but before that she had mood swings that were more than that. She went from depression to manic with excess energy and grand plans. The anger cost her her business and friends me being one of them because I didn't understand. Like all the Bipolar's I know they are happy on their medication as long as they stay on. N......... has a tendency to go off his or try something different. His friends rescue him. J....... is similar. All have one thing in common. Unrealistic grand plans and anger when they don't work out. Delusions vary and time between phases can be any thing. The other thing that separates them from anxiety and panic disorders is that they seem normal, being able to travel and fly with ease. They live in their own world all be it a mixed up one.

Again, only a Doctor can diagnose since there are similarities. And medication won't fix it but it will stabilize it.

My concern here is of course for Kaitie who does not need the added stress what ever the cause. So supporting is primary here, and Kaitie we are here for you.

Davit

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi Kaitie,

Davit is right. It sounds like your dad needs a proper diagnosis and treatment. His symptoms sound a bit like bipolar disorder or possibly ADHD or something totally different. Whatever it is know that he may need professional help and the first step is a diagnosis. Try not to take his anger personally as it could be a symptom of what he needs treatment for. How would you feel comfortable talking to him about this? What are your thoughts?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

KT,

It's not easy dealing with another's illness, as I experienced this weekend. A visiting friend stunned me as she talked incessantly, without opportunity for me to respond, making it a long day. I still feel the effects of the day, and am glad she left.

What do I do, since she lives in another country? I can ignore her, but unlike yourself, we have the dilemma of responsibility. I know she has medical professionals in her family, so I imagine they're aware of this behaviour.

I also feel like a hypocrite, since I've been wound up too, or "negative", and a host of other things, so how can I judge another? How can I marginalize others, when I feel that?

Fortunately our forum lists guidelines for compassion on this website toolbox("how to help fellow members), but we can turn the site on and off. In your situation, you sound like you live with a family member, and are considering some action to help them. I'm sure the health educator will give us some direction here. Maybe the educator can also clarify this website's policy regarding posting other websites, since I think it's ok for Davit to mention something which is not commercially profitable, as is the case I'm sure.

I would definitely be speaking with your counsellor regularly about family dynamics, KT. It's where our style of relating to the world begins.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Kaitie, I know people like that, they are beyond depression or panic. He needs to see a psychiatrist and be tested to rule out what I think he has. And if he has it he needs to be on medication for it. CBT won't cure it, it will help but not much. Go on the net and look for it, I can't name it on the site but the symptoms are classic. Or talk to your psychologist. It isn't an emergency, it just needs to be dealt with or you will be walking on eggs for ever. And it is nothing you have said or done that set it off.

I'm sorry you have to live with this but since I have first hand knowledge I also know what you go through.

Davit.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 177

This is something I have struggled with for a long time, and has put a lot of strain on my relationship with my Dad. He has severe depression and anger management problems, which I find frustrating, and he gets frustrated because of my panic disorder and anxiety. I don't think we fully understand each other, but it seems the more I try the more annoyed he gets.

Lately he's been having another one of his "episodes". They seem to cycle and about once a month he gets bad mood swings. He gets so angry over such little things and then expects everything to just be fine again once he's calmed down but some of the things he's said in past arguments have stuck with me. It's hard for me to deal with my own situation, without having to walk on eggshells all the time worrying that something I'll say or do will send him into a rage.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I can see him sitting there just thinking, wallowing in his own self pity. He doesn't have the knowledge about CBT that I have and I'm afraid to mention this to him. Maybe I could mention my concerns to his psychologist.

Not only does he have stages of severe depression and anger, it seems to affect his memory as well, both short term and long term. Then there are other times too when he's really happy. He'll constantly talk on and on about anything, and kind of act out whatever he's talking about too. He comes up with his own ideas and Mum and I can't tell him otherwise. One day he kept saying "let's go shopping" and he was all over the place, he started helping me wash up and then decided halfway through to go for a shower. I was still washing up when he came back and he told me to leave it so we could go out. Mum and I told him repeatedly that we had other things to do first but it didn't seem to sink in.

We first really noticed this about 2 years ago, when we had major flooding here in January 2011. Where we lived at the time was behind my school, and the water flowed down the slope of the oval and came into some of the lower set houses. He went out in the pouring rain and started yelling at the drivers in the oncoming traffic because they were pushing the water even more. So he walked up to the intersection at the end of the street and started directing the traffic so they wouldn't come down our street. I went up there about 15 minutes later to tell him to come home but he completely ignored me.

He's been on antidepressants his whole life but hasn't really had much counselling. Back when he first started on the medication it was a case of "Here take this pill and you'll be all better." The dose is quite high and he suffers bad withdrawals and no one seems willing to try to change the medication even though it's clearly not working.

Hopefully this post isn't too long-winded for you!

Kaitie.

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Dealing with the Negativity of Others