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Ashley -> Health Educator

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Regrets Only


11 years ago 0 4027 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Kt,
I guess I'm afraid they're indicators that I'm losing control, and as a caregiver, I need control
11 years ago 0 177 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Hugs,

There is nothing wrong with those mistakes! Maybe there is something else to it? Are you worried people will think you're foolish or clumsy, or that you'll embarrass yourself?

Quite a few years ago, I used to examine everything I had done during the day at school. Did I say something that offended someone, or were those girls laughing as I walked past laughing at me? Another time I slipped on the embankment leading down onto our oval and everyone laughed at me. I felt so embarrassed and thought everyone was judging me. In reality, none of those negative thoughts were actually true. Those girls laughing as I walked past were probably so absorbed in their own lives they didn't even see me, and slipping down the embankment is pretty funny. I would have laughed, without judgment, if that had happened to someone else.

It's okay to do silly things Hugs, and why not make light of the situation and have a laugh! How you made that cranky staff member in her flash car wait impatiently for you is classic. I can picture her face crinkled up in a frown, tapping her perfectly manicured finger on the steering wheel.

Something that really helped me when I was over-analysing everything I did was to take those labels I put on myself off. I used to think I was ugly and dumb, but without those labels I'm just me. I didn't think I could put the positive label on myself though (beautiful and intelligent), so I just left them off entirely. There are so many shades of grey, so why force ourselves to see things in black and white?

All the best,
Kaitie.
11 years ago 0 1071 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Hugs,

Well, I hate to break it to you, but none of our perfect little lives are perfect :)  We all make mistakes, some days more than others.  And, some days to the point of it almost being comical, for me anyway.  It's hard to not sweat the small stuff and I've heard it's all small stuff.  A lot of this stuff we won't remember a few days, weeks, months or years from now.  We all are just clumsily trying to get through life the best we can.  It's great to be able to post, to get stuff off of our chests, and get relief from talking it out.  I think you have a great handle on things, it comes across in your post, even if you don't think so or feel so.

Shari
11 years ago 0 4027 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Shari,
 
Thanks for clarifying, since I'm seeing a lot of negative spins on reality.   I think I'm like a little boy lost in a meadow, with one of those flowers and plucking the leaves, asking himself..
 
She loves, she loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not...for every person I encounter.  It's as though I don't have courage, like that lion in the Wizard of Oz.  What worries me is that also feel like the scarecrow and tinman.
 
There are all these "mistakes" occurring too. eg.  I wrote too big a cheque at the church, since I forgot what usually give for the montly maintenance collection, but I guess it's not going to hurt me.  At the grocer,the polite cashier realized I was buying something which was similar, but not the special kind of toilet paper, but it's okay since I can compare and see if there is a difference.  Monday, at my doc's new meeting place, I had to back up from the VIP entrance, and caused a lineup.  I could see the annoyed staff member who probably has to deal with this mistake periodically, and was only miffed by her having a nice sports car, compared to my dented import.
 
My perfect little life isn't so perfect
 
I've missed going on retreats, which are usually silent, where I become really "grounded" and find out that I am unconditionally loved( and I don't mean by pop-psychology guru Carl Rogers ).
11 years ago 0 1071 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Hugs,

I've had the dental anesthetic that has a stimulant and I hate that.  I didn't know there was another option to ask for which I will the next time I need it.  Thanks for that important info.  I think it's good to get the dentist out of the way tomorrow.  You'll have more peace in the long run I think.  I'm glad you took the time for self care in getting a massage.  Sometimes we think there are more important things to do besides making ourselves a priority.  You are important and deserve it!  The reason why I didn't post a response on your other thread, is not because I don't care.  Sometimes I don't know what to say, as I don't always know all of the answers.  But, I'm here for you.  I'm glad the health educator was able to respond.  

Shari 
11 years ago 0 4027 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Today, after my dentist's appointment, I felt okay, and then had a massage.   I got agitated and checked the right local anaesthetic was used, since one of them has a stimulant. 
 
It's just me I guess, and the sun breaking through the window.  I've never taken care of that issue.  Either I suffer, or deal with it.  Also, I've got to deal with managing all this stress.
 
It might not be the best idea to have booked a second cleaning tomorrow, but then it's over with, and I had to weight the burden of another concern wearing me down.
 
Looking back, I think I was annoyed that I booked the massage since I have so much to do.
 
I wonder if I just feel I'm not worth it, to some degree, to treat myself?

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