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New year same thing

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

I do like the idea of working part time and it would be ok financially. I am just panicking because of money issues. I also have no confidence. I find that I can train to do just about anything but when it gets right down to it I worry that I will not be good enough.

I start to feel good and then I apply for jobs and even go to interviews. It is when I get them I panic. I find that I am so afraid of failing that I am afraid to even try!

My biggest dream is to bake. I love baking. I have always baked, I enjoy it. I have no real way to get into baking unfortunately as most bakeries expect college courses in it. I don't have that and I can't afford to go to college. I like the idea of working with things instead of people. I just want to work and go home. Nothing serious. Nothing life or death.

I got a job very close to home in a daycare that is fairly dumpy. They struggle to keep staff and I have been warned by a friend who volunteered there that there is a horrible woman who works there. I also had a run in with the director of the daycare. I accepted the position and then had to ask to start at a later date as I had a very serious chest and sinus infection. I couldn't even breathe and my doctor was very worried. The director yelled at me on the phone and accused me of lying! Can you imagine? I explained everything that was going on and yet this woman was so rude to me. I am not even sure why I am even considering this job as I am typing this all out! She didn't make much of a first impression.

I suppose I wish I had a real live friend. I have no one to discuss my problems with other than my husband and he is always afraid of saying the wrong thing so he holds back. I don't expect people to make decisions for me but I just wish I could have some help once in a while. I suppose that is why I come here.

So here I am, late at night wondering what to do. My favourite Buddhist teacher Ajahn Brahm said "If there is nothing to do then do nothing", meaning if you can't decide than let the situation decide itself. Trust in God too.

As for where I am in this program, admittedly not that far. I stop and start. I will start again :)

I just want to work and live.

Sunflower

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Sunflower

I started out in electronics. It is what I'm trained for. I don't do it and don't care for it even though at one time it was my whole life. I was a welder for a while. I'm very good at it. But I chose to be outdoors cutting down trees. In this valley I live in there are a lot of people not doing what they were trained for. Some like Me took a cut in wages to do it. Some just found their place and accepted it. A friend of mine was a nurse when she really wanted to drive a tractor. Another friend is the coroner to pay the bills so she can farm. A School teacher is a market gardener. Another had greenhouse sales.

Some times we are just not cut out to be what we thought we wanted to be. And there are a lot of people who can only work part time and are happy doing it. For only four years did I work full time, and hated it.

So I have no big pension and a fancy car, the house is small and the bills high but I get by. But it is a lot easier with two people.

Do you think you could try something so different that you don't have to prove anything, just do it. Part time even.

Davit.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11215

Hi Sunflower Painter,

I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling. I have a few questions to get you moving in the right direction

What do you think is pushing you to continue to make the same mistakes? How do you think you can break this pattern?

How far are you along in the program? What is helping you? What areas do you still need to work on?

What are specifically are you dreading about this new job?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 250

I am very disappointed. I thought I was getting better and then wham. I feel the same and worse.

I have tried and tried to work but have been unable to find anything suitable. I started training for office work and that was going well. I then got sick and missed some classes but I can make those up.

I then panicked. Again. Applied for a job I don't want, got it and am dreading going. I was fine when I was doing other work but this field that I applied to I hate.

I keep messing up. I keep making the same mistakes and now my husband is starting to get tired of supporting me financially.

I don't know what to do.

Sunflower

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