Sunflower
I am really sorry this happened to you but it looks like it was predestined to.
CBT is about thought patterns. What I'm about to say I want you to know is from a friend who wants not only to support you but wants to give you something that works even though it may not make sense.
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. We think different. Women are more caring. Women give of themselves for the sake of others. And here lies the problem.
To do CBT you have to do it for you, not for any other reason. You have to change your thought patterns and this will also take a slight change in personality. This job you are doing according to your post, you are doing for all the wrong reasons. This is what is holding you back and causing you to recycle the same situation over and over.
If you do this job, or any job for you, and here I mean because you want to, not because you have to then you will actually be doing it for the reasons your caring personality wants. EG. for the money, for your family, to help.
The key words here are for you and because you want to. Not because you have to or because it is what you are trained for. "Have to" is negative and damaging.
Doing it for any reason other than that you want to does not help you. It leaves you out of the equation, and that is wrong because you are the one with the condition.
If you go to work tomorrow with the attitude that you want to do this because you can and it will help and that because you want to you will find a solution to every problem because you are good and can do this you will succeed. This is positive. And remember, you come first, you are doing it for you. Do this and you will be doing it for all the other reasons also without the load.
If you go because you have to which is negative then you will increase the load till it is unbearable and the cycle will begin again.
If this doesn't work then you need to take a job you can do no matter how poor the pay because you need to break the cycle.
Want to rather than have to really does work. Even people who thrive on "have to" are really doing it because they want to.
This is CBT. This is changing thought patterns and attitude and in some cases even personality to achieve a goal. The goal being to get rid of a condition that is limiting you.
Good luck tomorrow, We are with you, no matter what you choose. I hope you will give this a try though. It works for me and I see it works for others here too.
Davit.
