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12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Debora: Key words you wrote: I had to go into the other room til it passed. Although terribly uncomfortable and scary because of how quickly it came on, it did pass. See, it is in the past already.

However, not making light of this, I remember how exhausted I felt afterwards and scared because I thought it would never end, that I would never get better. Getting the body back to good health, mentally and physically, will take some time. Keep taking good care of yourself, pamper yourself. I really mean this, you need it all right now. Now is the time to let go of all the "shoulds and musts". Take it one day at a time. In any case, that's all we have is the present. Yesterday is gone and the future, tomorrow, isn't here yet.

I'm sorry your doctor isn't as knowledgeable as he/she should be about anxiety disorders. I don't think I could have afforded the clinic you described either. That's why I grabbed hold of the CBT program and hung on. You will see a difference as you progress with sessions. Sometimes it is two steps forward and two back - just as you say, in surprise attack mode. Then it will be two steps forward and only one back. Then two steps forward and nothing back for longer periods of time. Although you will remember what it is like to have a panic attack, later on you will think of the positives instead of the negatives and this will help you. It'll become automatic. Like I do with the breathing and relaxation ex. As soon as I feel unwell, I do these and because I have been practicing them for so long, the relaxation feeling comes quickly.

About dreams. Yea, I dream scarier dreams when I am stressed. I think most people do, so we're normal! lol

Keep the faith and believe,

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi Sunny,

Thank you for writing me back. Yes I am doing the homework and reading the information hoping it will start to sink in. You have given me some wonderful advice and compassion and I thank you! Monday was a pretty good day, I actually was laughing during a phone conversation. Tuesday I was cooking dinner and I had a surprise attack, it came SO quick Sunny like a hurricane or something, I had to go in the other room till it passed, it surprised me because Monday was such a good day and I thought I was turning the corner, I tried not to dwell on it. Today I feel very physically sick, I went to bed last night with a stomach ache and woke up very nausated, I slept too much just to escape the nausea and pain I think, when I finally woke up I was light-headed dizzy and my eyesight was very very blurred, I did not have a panic but close, the bodily symptoms are scaring me, what I am having finding difficult right now is convincing myself "its only anxiety" "its only my nerves" but its hard, the bodily symptoms are so constant and severe, I am hoping as I progress through the program they go away somewhat, I feel sick and weak almost everyday my goal right now is just to feel somewhat human and healthy again.

My Doctor is not much help, last time I saw him in December, I waited two and a half hours for a ten minute appt, he looks at me like "I dont know what to do" and he said "dont panic be happy" not much help but I know wome MD's just do not get it, my nurse can be cold and my therapist is not being helpful, there is an anxiety and depression clinic nearby but my insurance does not cover it, its like two hundred and fifty dollars an hour and the evalution is almost $400.00!? who could afford that? they are top-notch in CBT but our insurance does not cover it and its impossible to afford it out-of-pocket.

You and the others here have given me inspiration and hope that I will get better again. I thought cause I was fifty years old it was "too late" with peri-menopause its all the harder this time around, hopefully in the next few weeks I will start feeling healthier, I even have bad dreams about hospitals and brain tumors, did you ever have bad dreams Sunny about sickness and death and things? Its very scary. I am praying and hoping this program will help me as it helped others. Thank you.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Debora: Thanks for your sympathies, it was a few yrs. back but still miss them especially on holidays. You must miss your parents a lot. It is hard to take when people die young. We mostly think that happens when we are over 80 or so.

Can you get better from negative thoughts? You bet you can! I did. and I had the same negative thoughts as you are having now. I couldn't even read articles on heart attacks or bp problems.

It took you awhile to get where you are; it will take awhile to get better. There are no overnight fixes. Little by little you need to get physically strong again, good food, good night sleeps and good thoughts. Focus on the positives. Every time you think about an illness, ask yourself the 10 questions. If the doctor has said you are well, then believe in the doctor. The hard work comes in changing the negatives to positive thoughts. As soon as you get a negative one, reassure yourself that you are o.k. that it is the anxiety talking. Positive self-talk was very important for me and still is to this day. When I feel unwell and worry about my bp, I do some breathing ex. and tell myself that it is o.k. that I am doing everything well and this will pass.

Doing housework was a great way to distract yourself. What other distractions can you use when you are having those anxious thoughts? Do you have any coping skills at the ready? These are great and can work well if you practice them, such as the breathing and relaxation ex.

One of the distractions I used was a phone call to a gf when I felt very panicky. She and I had talked about it first and she accepted this role. She never told me what to do, just listened to me babble or I would ask her to talk to me about anything at all, boring or not. Just a distraction so I could slow down the heart rate and breath more slowly. Usually only took 5-10 minutes. It made me feel less alone. She was great and we are still good friends. Suggestion: if you choose this route, be careful not to abuse this time and stay on too long. Afterall, our friends have lives and are busy too.

How long did it take me? I don't really remember, but I do know I started to feel better after learning CBT course. After that it was a matter of taking good care of myself and learning about what bothers me mentally, changing negatives to positives. I had ups and downs like a lot of people on the site - so maybe two yrs. of this up and down. I read that you can't take SSRI's. Only you and your doctor can decide on this. For me Paxil for a couple of yrs. was most helpful.

Keep the faith and believe! It will get better.

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you Sunny. I wish I could print out you're letter you just wrote me it was so helpful and compassionate. I would of wrote sooner but our computer acts up so much I cannot always get online our power went out and it caused problems.

I am so sorry about the loss of you're sister and brothers, that must of been so hard and I am so sorry. I lost my Mom of a brain tumor five years ago and my Dad just last year of congestive heart, they were only 55 and 67 when they died, not that old and it affected me deeply, my Mom was my best friend and of course I worry since I am only four years away from when my Mom died it will happen to me too and I will leave my son, I know when a lot of people around you die people like me worry it will happen to them, my main fears now are heart attack stroke tumor or cancer, even when not panicking the hypocrondrias and anxiety is constantly with me and its so effecting my life, actually its ruining my life, and I want to start to "live to live" not "living like I am dying" does that make sense? I am doing the homework and posting in the diary and I notice a slight little change, the panic's have lessened somewhat and I am so grateful, the bodily symptoms are terrible through, yesterday I thought I suffered a small stroke and today heart pains! it never ends! My son and husband went fishing today all day and I was by myself all day which I hate being, but I tried to get through it, I threw myself into my housework and tried to fill the hours being productive, I wore myself out, but I guess it was good to get the nervous energy out that way.

I am so hoping this program will help me regain my life, this has been going on close to a year and my birthday is at the end of the month and my only wish and prayer is NOT to go into another year like this, I so want my life back, to leave the house again, I am even scared to go to the doctor now, my primary is not much help anyway he does not understand, my therapist and nurse help as much as they can but I guess its up to me in the long run. Do you think I can get better Sunny? how long did it take you? It just seems so much to conquer, anxiety panic depression worry fear and the worst agorophobia and hypocrondria, I cannot tolerate antidepressants, thank goodness for the klonopin that helps take the edge off. Can a person get better when they think they are sick and dying all the time? I dont want to go through anymore tests. I am hoping this program can help me reclaim my life. You sound like a wonderful person Sunny, that really has been there and understands thank you so much for taking the time to help me I am very grateful to you and all who have so far helped me. Thank you.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hello Debora: You remind me of me...long time ago. Yes, I remember those nights without sleep. Those were the symptoms I experienced, tingling down the left arm and neck and jaw and tongue. I used to get chest pains too, tight, retricting. Of course thought it was heart attack or stroke as my pressures would go up too. I also was weak and tired and headachey often. And my sister was dying of cancer and I felt so helpless, unable to help her. I had already lost two brothers, now I was losing a sister.

Now the GOOD news. It was anxiety and stress causing it. Once I knew I was healthy that there were no real physical reasons for feeling these symptoms, once I realized that it was my anxieties then I could better accept that I had to learn to "take it easy", learn how to relax. Easier said than done I know. I can only say that it takes time. It will not come overnight.

Where do you start? The CBT program. I don't know how far along you are studying, but I hope you have been doing the homework for it too. Whatever you do, don't give up on it. I found the relaxation ex. very important to do every day, like taking a prescription daily.

Next, where can you "let go", where and when can you find time just for you. Anything will do, a hot bath, shower, a short walk around the block, reading, going out for coffee with a girlfriend and be interested in her, not you. Find something which you find relaxing and give this time to yourself as a gift and use it.

What about nutrition? I quit coffee for about a yr. or more, drank only herbal teas, didn't even eat chocolate to get away from caffeine. Try and eat very healthy right now. Have a bedtime ritual, hot bath, hot milk to sip on later, maybe read a bit 'til sleepy, lights out. Then your body recognizes the routine you choose and starts to relax into sleep. This is instead of going to bed and thinking "oh darn, am I going to sleep tonight?" Stop the negative thoughts and bring on the positives. What was good about your day? What three things are you thankful for? What are you looking forward to for tomorrow? I do some visualization about something I like, or would like to do in the future. I especially like to dream about a cottage on the lake with a nice breeze coming in, sailboats on the water and those huge granite rocks with moss hanging over the lake or those pines which smell so heavenly when it gets hot. What do you like to see and smell? Think about these lovely things before sleep.

These are just suggestions and I hope you can get some ideas from the above. Keep the faith, it will get better.

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Debora

There is a thing called an Ecig. An electronic cigaret where you inhale a nicotine vapour. It is meant to give you a nicotine fix without the smoke and you can adjust the nicotine level. It is meant to help taper off and quit smoking. Some people use it with a "0" nicotine level just to have something to do with their hands.

Members are not supposed to comment on medical matters either. See it would depend on too many facters, age, health, previous tests, cholesterol level and on and on. If you feel you are at risk then you should at least see your doctor to be sure.

Davit. (sorry this is not much comfort)

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you Vincenzia and Sunny for checking on me. I had a couple of decent days, no panic just very anxious, today I feel very sick, I did sleep well at all last night I could not fall asleep till almost 9:00 am! and then dozed off and woke up an hour later coughing and hacking and choking could hardly breathe, it really scared me. Right now I am trying not to panic, the bodily symptoms I fear are going to bring one on, I feel like crying too, my head is hurting and my vision blurred and I had a couple of "electric like shock pains" go down my left arm! that scared me to death, I took my pressure and it was 133/96 and I did some breathing and praying and relaxation and got it down to 121/83 which I think is alright? and took half a klonopin.

Does anyone else have these symptoms, pain down the left arm, dizzy headache, tired and weak? even when they are not in a full-blown panic? My husband is not well either his feet are very bad due to neropathy from his diabeties and I am sure that is not helping my nerves, and I am trying not to smoke due to the coughing spell last night, I do not smoke much, maybe 4 or 5 cigarettes a day, just to prevent withdrawal and calm myself, I am going cold turkey when this darned panic and axiety and depression go, quitting now my theapist said would intensify anxiety. If I can ask how do other members of this forum cope with the bodily symptoms of heart attack and stroke? how do you get through it? and not get scared, I am ready to call the paremedics but I know my husband will get mad, last time I called them they were not helpful or nice or compassionate so I will not call them. If anyone can tell me tips on how to cope with these heart and stroke symptoms please help me, I do not want to die in front of my son. I am sorry I sound so scared I am trying not too.

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

Goodmorning Debora,

I am so pleased to hear your commitment to yourself, working through the program and keeping a diary.

Don't give up! You are on the right track!!

Hope the sun is shining on you today!

Vincenza, Health Educator

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Debora: Just wanted to add when I first started doing the relaxation techniques - muscle, breathing and visualization - they did not come to me naturally and automatically. It did take daily practice. I did them morning and evening and sometimes felt frustrated because some days I felt I was getting worse, not better. But in time, my body did respond. Hope you don't give up on them and keep practicing. It took me about 3 months before I felt true relaxing effects the way I wanted them. Keep the faith!

Sunny

12 years ago 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you Bren. I am trying to fight off an attack right now I am home alone and getting very anxious, its so strange I do not want to be alone but I dont go out much because I look so bad and fear having an attack in front of people, many of my neighbors have asked questions why they do not see me anymore. I am doing the program and trying to relax and not let these bodily symptoms cause a full-blown attack, its very hard sometimes, I am willing to do the work to get better this has taken so much of my life already, I wish I could take the antidepressants but I cannot. You all have been so wonderful to me.

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