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11 years and counting

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Roller Coaster Withdrawal

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Smile....and don't shoot the messenger

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13 years ago 0 66 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Vincenza or anyone else online,
 
So I'm not going to move to Toronto to do my Masters.  That decision is made.  It wasn't easy but I feel like its the best decision for my health right now.
 
So I need to make some changes to my life right now.  I have come to the realization that somewhere in my childhood or adolescence I stopped expressing myself or exploring myself, my interests.  I'm not entirely sure why.  I know that I was an extreme perfectionist, who spent alot of time studying to get top marks and alot of time focused on what I looked like because I guess this is what I thought would make me happy.  I've come along way from there, but its been a tough couple of years.  I find it hard learning about myself.  Its hard when people tell you to start doing what your interested in, because I'm not sure what I like, or what I'm interested in.  I know it sounds strange but I don't really feel alot when I'm doing things.  Does this make sense?  I know I should just enjoy the process and not focus on the outcome.  But I'm afraid that I'll find out that I don't enjoy anything, and then the fear that I'll have to feel this way for the rest of my life comes up.
 
What can I do about this? Any strategies, tips?
 
JD
13 years ago 0 1853 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Justducky,
 
The anxiety you are feeling sounds overwhelming and I'm sure it intensifies when you are unable to get quality sleep   I can understand why you would choose not to move to Toronto at this time.  Toronto will always be an option when you are ready to move and pursue a different path in your life. 
Despite it being a difficult decision and not the one you expected, it's important that you recognized it's what is best for you at the moment.   
 
Now, to help you find a sense of direction, what options do you have in your hometown?
Can you get a space of your own to rent?  This could give you a taste of what it's like to be on your own, yet still have some comforts of home close by...
Are you able to pursue a different job?  What hobbies or activities brought you excitement and joy in the past?

 
 

Vincenza, Health Educator
13 years ago 0 66 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey everyone,
 
Im feeling very out of sorts.  My anxiety was so bad this week that I had 2-3 hours 3 nights in a row of sleep.  On wednesday I absolutely could not sleep and I woke up feeling terrified.  I decided that I can't move and do my Masters in Toronto.  It's just to much of a move for me.  Its moving out from home, doing 100% everything for myself, and also taking on school full time.  I guess it was my body telling me that I can't cope with it.  And I don't want to move there and rely on taking anti-anxiety meds and/or sleeping pills just to get through school.  What's the point of that. 
Needless to say I'm not happy with this decision, but its the best for me.  Now I'm feeling overwhelmed.  What do I do with my life here.  I've pushed through the anxiety and stayed at my job over these past few years.  I need a change.  I want to feel better, but its been so long trying to feel better.  Nothing exciteds me, I'm just going through the motions and acting.  I've always been able to pull myself out of a hole and motivate myself, but I'm scared I can't.  I'm searching for something inside, outside, to give me a sense of direction.
 
help, JD
13 years ago 0 252 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Justducky,
 
Sorry to hear your feeling out of sorts lately...I wonder if getting out and walking would help..I know that when I am really anxious walking helps me..Sometimes I go to the mall and walk and walk and it seems like I can walk off some of the nervous tension and it helps clear my head...Just a idea I thought I would throw out there..Hope it helps...
 
Red.....
13 years ago 0 11226 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Justducky,

Sorry you are feeling so anxious! It can be really hard to think clearly with so little sleep.  

Now stop for a moment.  Take a deep breath.  Know you can get through this.  You can take control of this.  How are you on the program? Remember to stick with it. For a quick reference use the relaxation techniques session and also the 10 questions on the challenging negativity session will help you address some of the thoughts you are having.  

If you are thinking about a change in medication then it is best to talk to a Health Care Professional.


What are some things you are looking forward to about the move?

Ashley, Health Educator
13 years ago 0 66 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
aaaaahhh!  at work this morning and so anxious.  I think I only slept and hour straight last night.  At the back of my mind is the thought that I don't know how long I can deal with this.  I know ive been feeling progressively worse because of anticipation for the move.  I just feel frozen and scary thoughts are looming in my head.  I can't fight this for the rest of my life.  I wonder if maybe i need to go up on my effexor.??
 
JD
13 years ago 0 66 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thanks everyone for the responses!  I'm sitting here this morning looking for apartments to rent in my future new city, and feeling light headed and abit shaky.  Its hard to think of what I'm looking forward to when I'm feeling like this.  I'm looking forward to new experiences, meeting new people, and hopefully experiencing a different side of myself (feeling the confidence that I used to feel).  Doing the same job here, and the same daily routine day in day out, is not helping.
 
Thanks for everyone's support.
 
JD
13 years ago 0 1853 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Great suggestions!  I hope that provides you with a little more insight and comfort justducky. 
Preparing for big changes can be overwhelming.  Think about the exciting opportunities ahead...
 
What kind of experience do you hope for while you're in Toronto?  What do you most look forward to? 
 


Vincenza, Health Educator
13 years ago 0 4027 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
JD,
I'm going to use the "N" word(normal), so beware.
I've been spinning around in the panic cycle, like a rag in a washer the last couple of months, unable to be calm.
 
What I've had to to, and I see you doing it, is rely on "normal" people around me, who to reduce decisions, and help out.  Their input, or just doing something for me, where a bad choice or mistake is irreverible, has helped me,while I try to find a "balance" point.  
 
Finding that equilibrium, with our condition, is temporary, and difficult at the best of times.
 
Using small steps, and prudent advice, and spreading your demands on your friends, will get you to September and the programme, which should be routine.  Hopefully you'll be complaining about petty things in fall like missing home, or being a small fish in a big pond, or the aloofness of the big city, or the competitiveness of the faculty....
 
JD, it all passes.  And if you're in or around Toronto, shouldn't you be at some Caribbean party this weekend worrying about who the designated driver will be when the party finishes monday morning.
 
That's the kind of worrying that might make your summer something to remember. 
 
But then you'll be back there for a couple of more years, won't you
13 years ago 0 517 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Just Ducky, 
I like how you describe things, that's how it feels to me too. Why do you feel that the move is not the right choice for you? Is it because of worrying about  your anxiety or it's just something you don't want to do anymore? If it's because of the anxiety, for me,  I might end up feeling guilty for not going if that is the reason. But if you just feel like it's a bad idea now, since we are free to change our minds whenever, then I don't think it's nice when people put pressure. Maybe you can write a list of pros and cons about your decision. 

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