I have been having panic attacks for a while now. I mentioned them a while back when I was in a store and had one near the register and had to leave, using an excuse that I forgot my right debit card. They have continued and the other friends of panic like anxiety, depression, depersonalization and dissociation have also returned. Lately it’s felt like I can have a panic attack anywhere.
I had a good weekend, but it followed a tough week where I had several cases of anxiety, including depersonalization for a split second, but affected me for a while.
This morning I woke up and had a decent morning, and then somewhere toward the middle of the day I felt like I was slipping into negative thought territory. The feeling of dissociation crept into my world as well as depression.
I don’t know if this is stress related, as I have been having these sudden pains in the back of my head that last for about 1-2 seconds and then go away. The last time these happened at length was when I worked behind a computer and it was very stressful. My job has become stressful the past 6-8 months, where as before that it was a virtual cakewalk.
I also know the mortality issue often causes problems for me.
I don’t want this to get worse, so I have contacted my therapist to see if she knows someone closer to me. She is about an hour away.
I do also have a regularly schedule MD appointment for Thursday. Good timing. Maybe I can discuss some of this with him. He is very receptive to things of the anxiety and depression category.
I know all these symptoms I have now I have had before many times. But it does not make it any easier. I thought things would get easier as I age, but often they do not.
One of my greatest fears is that I could return to when I first had great trouble with these same things when I was in my teens (1980’s). I had a lot of trouble than and it causes me great stress and I had to get a lot of help. I had a relapse in the early ‘90’s during my first marriage. Much of the stress was the situation I was in.
I also have thought that some of this is related to losing my Father in 2008, and the resulting animosity exchanged between my sister and I, over her treatment and non-communication with my Father.
OK, that is all I can think of now. I had to get this off my chest.
David