Hey Sid,
Please see that a thread got overlooked - not you! You've contributed so much to this forum, I don't think you as a person could ever be overlooked by the rest of us.
What I find interesting is that almost every post I've read on this board about the upbringing of each of us, is one that could have been written by me too. The idea of not belonging to your family and being told you were an oopsie, and not in a very nice way, the thought of going off to a convent (for me it was a monastery, and I wasn't raised Catholic), the subsequent fear of being alone or invisible. I'd wager most of us have similar childhoods.
So, yes, this thread has made me think. All of the threads that I have read make me think and either spur me to face a fear or encourage me that I am succeeding.
On another part of the forum, someone wrote about they always felt that they weren't allowed to have emotions while their sibling could. They had to be always up, never angry and just basically sucking it up while their sibling could do pretty much whatever they wanted. That's another one that could have been written by me. I was always the one they, "didn't have to worry about." Sounds like a compliment, but it made me feel like I was invisible too. Or at least I didn't warrant any attention. I don't know whether my parents meant it like that or not, but that's how I took it. As a teenager, I was the responsible one. I was the one that came home every night, stayed out of the way, did what I was told, paid my own way for almost everything, while my sibling drank, disappeared for days, physically fought with my Dad, so forth and so on. Yet they continued to bail him out and sink time, effort, and money into him. I came home late one night and was told to pack my stuff in a garbage bag and get out. That was before cell phones so I couldn't phone to tell them I was going to be late.
So, yeah, I can relate. It is my fear that I won't ever be loved or even recognized. Even though my sweetie has never given me a good reason to doubt her love, I still feel like it's a manipulation sometimes. That she's just going to get what she wants out of me and then bail, telling me she never really loved me. Why not? That was how my parents made me feel, that's what my ex-wife did to me, why should that trend stop here? I don't know, but I choose to believe that is NOT the case. And if it does turn out to be the case, I'll fall apart for awhile, a good long while I suspect, but ultimately I know that my son loves me, just because I'm Dad. :) That means a lot to me.
I also know that my parents didn't really know what they were doing. They did try to be better parents than they're parents were - and overall I think they succeeded. My brother has helped me tremendously in the past and I want to be able to be there for him if he needs it as well. My mom has given me lots of moral support during this whole move situation that I'm still in. Probably more moral support than the rest of my life combined. So, I guess we can grow and change.
Wow, apparently I had a few things to get off my chest! Sid, thanks for bringing that out.
