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Stress Part II

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Stress Part II

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 653

Hey Hugs,

One of the great things about the forum is the sharing. You are correct that we are all just trying to help you by relaying what works for each of us individually, and of course that may not work for you. Don't fret about that! None of us will be offended if our theory on life is not one you can relate to. You don't need that worry on your plate too! You have good insight and I encourage you to remain open-minded and keep using what you have found works for you. How are you doing today? Are you deconstructing your stressors into small parts so they are more managable?

Tiana, Health Educator

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Where in the problem lies I think is that I have used a slang word that has a lot of meaning derived principally from the word area. In this case I mean a physical or mental area where you feel safe and the lines of the surrounding area although invisible are real. It can be a mental state where by you can be safe by blocking out that which bothers you or an actual physical place like a house. The mental is harder to grasp than the physical. Distracting is a form of going to a safe mental zone. (a place but actually more like a time)

For the person that can not leave their house or who has certain times that effect them, understanding is not necessary. The Program will still work. CBT will still work.

You don't have to know how the motor works in a car to drive one but if it quits it is nice to know why is all. I like to know why, in fact I like to know all five W's. Just a quirk of mine.

Here for you

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Sunny,

I'm glad you and Davit can benefit from the zone or circle.

However, I carry more baggage than a flight attendant with hoarding issues(at least I say "stewardess" for the political correctness readers).

I can't even accept the career I had, or the achievements I had. It's odd, but its like an eraser wiped my life away.

Do I need a "fear goggle" prescription!

I'm to have had so many people work with me, to help me, but there are limits, like that "Serenity prayer...".

I guess I should say thank you for trying.:(

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Davit and Hugs4u: I think a zone/circle can expand or contract - it's not like a measured piece of property. However, if I understand this idea correctly, a safe zone or circle is achieved when you no longer feel anxious doing a certain thing, eg. going to the store/giving a speech. After achieving this calmness about going to the store now you know, when you go to the store you feel safe there because you no longer fear going and being in there. Your confidence has increased. Now that's a safe zone, physical space and good emotional feelings. Expanding this circle would be going from the safe zone of the store to maybe the post office next door. Once you manage going to the post office without anxiety, you have another safe circle/zone which you can include with the store circle. Your zone has increased, again physically and emotionally in a positive way and again your confidence level goes up.

Same as giving a speech to a club to which you belong. Very nervous at first, then when you do it several times and are more confident about it, that becomes a zone which can either stay there or grow. It could grow if you are now able to give speeches to any club, not just your own club where you feel safe.

One way of getting rid of the "weeds" is with positive self talk, relaxation techniques before and during the experience if needed.

As for Alanas Morissette, I bet she has her own set of problems as we all do. lol

Keep the faith,

Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Davit,

I can’t grasp what you mean by a zone. Emotion is pervasive, as thoughts are, and when they are congruent to our values, then we’re grounded. The uneasiness all of us share though, is pervasive. The idea of a “zone” seems nice on one hand, but too simplisitic on the other hand.

A cluttered mind is like a crop with weeds. The weeds are pervasive. If you asked buddy how his “zone” of corn is, on the neighbouring farm, you might get banned from the seed exchange...Could it be that zones aren’t clear cut and life isn’t that simple?... except to Alanis Morisette who sings for her supper while the rest of us have to dig ditches...

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hugs

No I don't have a secondary source but since it comes from an accredited source, being my therapist who is very good you might find it some where else in different jargon.

No games here, this is not my theory but I do know it works. Nothing I pass on here is mine, it all comes from my therapist or some source she gave to me. The only thing here that is mine is the saying "this is the hardest simple thing you will ever do" . The Dragons examples belongs to Shari. Other sayings or expressions have been borrowed too.

What don't you understand, are the circles to literal? Why would not a comfort (safe zone) be realistic? Are you not in it right now? If you were not the anxiety level would make you hard to understand and you are very clear. All decision making is not conscious if it was we would suffer information overload so bad we would explode.

Here for you,

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Davit,

I find it hard to follow your reasoning. Do you have secondary sources for this advice, or is it your own theory?

Maybe I'll be able to follow a credentialized source, such as the National Institute of Health in the USA, or a major teaching university archive(I can access both)? This idea of "comfort zone" isn't realistic, since decionmaking cuts across situations, so I wonder where it comes from?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hugs,

No I'm talking about a place or places or a time or times when you do not feel anxious. This is why I say it can be very small. Building on an area of confidence expands the comfort zone.

Building on an area of confidence allows you to expand all your comfort zones although maybe not equally depending on what is on the other side of the circle. If you treat agoraphobia as being a fear of not having control rather than a fear of open spaces then building confidence expands your comfort zones equally because all your fears are a reaction rather than a place so the places can all be different.

An example:

Say your comfort zone is a safe person you go places with that you can't go alone. You may think you have a fear of the grocery store. (why, it has never harmed you). But what really is bothering you is that you have no control over the situation. (what you have control of is your safe person) Say you want tea bags and they are in the far isle and you would rather they were closer. And the line up is long and you would rather it was shorter. There are too many people. It feels hot. All things you have no control over. But you do. You just don't know it. By simply saying "it is my decision" you bring the control back to you. By saying it is my decision to get tea bags from that far isle, it is my decision to shop in this over crowded hot store and it is my decision to stand in this line up. (After all you don't really have to do you.) Making this decision your decision builds on an area of confidence and allows you to expand your comfort zone. The next step is to decide to do it with out carrying your comfort zone with you. (safe person).

You first get your safe person to wait by the door for you and you say "it is my decision to do this alone" And do it. It may take a few times to build the confidence but the thing is once you do and once you really believe it you will carry it to other situations and in a short period of time you will be so sure of yourself you will wonder why you ever had this fear. Your comfort circles will expand on their own because they are related. It sneaks up on you and unless you really go looking for the negative you won't find it. The Problem is that it is still there and if you do look for it you can find it.

Changing negative thought to positive really is "the hardest simple thing you will ever do".

But once you do you will be free, recovered, cured, call it what you want but basically it will never rule your life again.

Do you think because it requires making and keeping a decision it will be hard for you? If it was not hard to build the confidence to win we would not be here. We would not have to do CBT and all the other things we do in this battle.

Here for you,

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 4027

Davit,

Are you talking about building on an area of confidence?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Hugs4U

Do you have a comfort zone? A place or time or both where you are comfortable and totally functional. I've described this before and likened it to a circle or circles if you have more than one. Some times our comfort zone is very small.

I don't shop well. I like to get what I'm getting and be gone. That is because it is outside my comfort zone. I used to settle for less or nothing so I could hurry back to my comfort zone.

I have been expanding my zone, making the circle bigger with exposure. And because I think of it as a circle it has definite lines with things in and things out. There are other comfort zones too and I have been slowly expanding these so they touch and I don't have to leave one to reach another.

Thinking this way will make you more decisive. Knowing if you are in or out of your comfort zone tells you if the confusion or indecision is due to being out of your comfort zone or if it is just what you are trying to do. It works like this. You go for new glasses. Not something you do often. Put a black circle around this to keep it separate from the fact you have to decide on which frames to buy. Put another circle around this also. Now don't let the two touch. Put the one aside while you decide what to do in the other. Don't mix them. Once the decision is made step out of the one circle and into the other and discard the one you have just left.

This doesn't totally get rid of the anxiety but it lessens it to the point of being able to handle it.

In a more common situation like going for groceries these black circles can become comfort zones if you keep them within reason and start to think of them as that. When they do you can start to expand them to encompass the odd thing you find difficult.

Comfort zones are like the security bottle of Ativan. Just knowing they are there as an escape is calming.

Examples of comfort zones: The washroom in a restaurant. Looking out a window. Reading licence plates in traffic. Using a discman, or radio. Using a safe person. This last one is the easiest to expand.

Here for you,

Davit

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Stress Part II