Hi Ashley
I have question about worry. I am in a group that says that we should try to avoid anger as much as possible because as you have indicated in your sessions they say that anger and other emotions can bring on the same symptoms of fear. To be quite honest with you the symptoms bother me the most. If a was to have a panic attack and experienced extreme fear with no repercussion for the rest of my day I would not care at all about the attack.
A short story I offered my brother something that would help him a great deal on Tuesday, and he has not got back to me with answer and today’s Sunday. It keeps pooping into my mind in different variations on the same theme. I have instantly analyzed the thought and determined that what is bothering me is his lack of response when I went out of my way to help him. I determined that this is anger in me that he does not respect me. In the group I am in, we have a saying, that people do things that annoy us, not to annoy us. Instantly I am with a secure thought, do I think he is purposely trying to ignore to me to bother me, obviously the answer is no. I could go through an entire thought record of the 10 question and come up with an alternative view however; I do not think it would be substantially different from the one that I just gave.
Another thing I noticed is (I have all my panic attacks in the morning) is that I would get up and I would start ruminating about a song. I believe that this is a defensive device to avoid how I am feeling at the time. Also when I am working and I am in a worked up state, I start playing music in my head while I am working at the same time, couple this with the confusion and sense of unreality I have all the time I think this is another avoidance response. Something David said that rings true for me now is there is a fine line between avoidance and distraction. Therefore, I have been practicing yoga every morning to stop the constant music in my head, and I have made great strides towards this goal. I think that to me it is in a sense of cognitive exposure to the way, I am feeling and that I have to accept the way I am currently feeling and not try to change it except for relaxation, positive thinking, and no avoidance.
On the other hand, my CBT told me that I pay too much attention to my unreality state. This is where it affects me the most I find it hard to concentrate and when I am doing something new, it takes more brainpower to complete the task. According to my CBT, I should ignore it, according to me and maybe you if I pay attention and not avoid it I will become bored with the sensation. Perhaps if I did not analyze it at all and thought that, it was neither bad nor good then I have reduced it to a triviality, and I would get rid of it quicker than trying to expose myself to it. I think my exposure work is on the sensation because the attacks I get when I rate them on a fear scale is very low, but it is the sensations of unreality all day that bother me.
One final thing is that I get very anxious about making mistakes. I do not accept them in myself and I do not accept mistakes in others. I have realized that that making a mistake causes me distress, but stems from trying to be a perfectionist. I realized that the reason I worry about making a mistake is I hold other people up to I high standard, and that intern when I do this it sets up for sensitivity to my own mistake. I have been trying to reduce this worry by not expecting perfection in others or me.
Am I headed in the right direction or is this just rhetorical question that if I think I am headed in the right direction then I am and if I think that I am not then I have to do what I think will get me back on track.
Dizzy