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Driving over a bridge exposure

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Driving over a bridge exposure

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

ThinkingMom

You are not making it difficult, just interesting. The car going out of control is just association. In the city I don't like to drive the right lane beside the parked cars incase someone opens there door. Driving thus or the middle lane is not that unreasonable of a caution, at least this sort of thought is a possibility. I tend to be over cautious. So you drive in the middle lane as a coping skill. This is fine, you can still tell yourself the bridge is solid and you will be fine. The odds of the car going out of control or some other vehicle pushing you off the bridge are very small. It is such a shame that this stresses you, I bet the view from up there is fantastic.

9/11, It has had an effect on so many people. I was in the dentists chair when it happened and the association kept me from going back for a long time. My shop has fourteen foot walls and I am not afraid of heights but I kept being unusually cautious on the roof when I built it.

Good luck with the bridge, I think if you keep telling yourself it is an unreasonable fear you will eventually believe it and be able to relax enough to enjoy the view.

Here for you,

Davit

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Hi, thanks again for the feedback. Specifically, I am more afraid of my car going out of control and driving off of the side of the bridge. I always try to stay in the middle lane, not by the side.

(Yeah, I know I'm making this difficult)

Interesting that you brought up 9/11. My son has been afraid to be in parking garages since that happened (the collapsing building issue). But, that is another post for another day.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

ThinkingMom

Good, so you can rule out people as the problem and concentrate on height. The question is why does it bother you. Afraid of heights is a core belief, not necessarily a negative one. Being afraid of falling is a positive core belief, a survival belief. So why are you exaggerating the danger. Every day people cross this bridge and ride elevators and live and work in tall buildings. To get back to core beliefs. We do the what if thing as a protection survival skill. We seldom go into a situation with out saying "what if". A simple example is not crossing an intersection without saying what if that car doesn't stop. Of course you don't say it out loud, you probably don't even know you did it. But if it looks like the car might not stop then your heart speeds up and your foot moves to the brake, all in subconscious preparation. This is a good "what if" but when you do the "what if" when it is not necessary, it leads to panic.

So what in the past (near or far ) caused you to believe in an unreasonable fear of heights instead of just a healthy respect for them. The one thing all three have in common is that they are strong structures that do not collapse. (or do they) A very common scare tactic on TV drama is the falling elevator. (they can't) There are documentaries of bridges collapsing in hurricanes. (don't cross your bridge in a hurricane) And then there is 9/11 where a building collapses. These thoughts can build negative core beliefs that then cause negative thoughts as you approach the bridge.

If you want to do exposure to dispel this all you need to do is look at structures you know are solid and tell yourself they are solid and can't collapse and then think about the bridge as being solid and that you are safe on it.

Exposure you know takes time to reinforce the coping skills you need to deal with the exposure. Bit of a circle there. The coping skill is telling yourself and believing it that the negative core belief causing all this trouble is false. You have to truly believe that what you are thinking is not true.

Do this and you will get back to having a healthy respect for the cars around you and the structure you are driving on and enjoy the added time at the beach. The added time can be the reward you use to celebrate your achievement.

Here for you.

Your friend

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

Hi Davit,

You make some very good points. Height is definitely an issue. The one bridge that I spoke of is extremely high.

Yes, I do get anxious in tall buildings and some elevators.

I actually love going to the beach!

Thanks for giving me something to think about today.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

ThinkingMom

I'm wondering here if it is really the bridge or a control issue. ( agoraphobia ) are there other things things that bother you? If so do they have any thing in common? Could the bridge just be an excuse? Could it actually be something on the other side of the bridge you really don't like? Notice I didn't say like to do. As an example. Do you like going to the beach, but parking or too many people or the thought that people are staring is bothering you. Some times we transfer our anxiety to an object because we don't want to admit to ourselves what the real problem is.

The other thing could be height. Is this bridge higher and longer than others? Do you get anxious in tall buildings or elevators? Again an agoraphobia thing.

You mentioned you don't want anyone else driving. Control↔agoraphobia.

Just some things to think about. If the bridge isn't really the issue then exposure won't help.

Here for you,

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11

There are certain bridges which set off major panic for me and some others which only affect me mildly. There is a particular bridge that you almost have to take in order to get to the beach in the state where I live. This past summer I avoided it going to the beach and regretted it because it made the trip longer. I did drive over it on the way home, but the closer I got to it, the more panicky I became. My husband and my son both offered to drive, but that only makes my control issues worse. I made it over, but not without some serious panicking. Unfortunately, this particular bridge is over an hour away from my house, so exposure is not something I can do easily. I'll have to think of a different way to do it.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Sunny,

I'm starting to think of my trying to befriend people by being too likeable as a bad habit. So right now I"m taking a break from going out to meet new people until I stay with myself a bit longer and get to know myself a bit better. But I agree, there are people out there to make friends with. RIght now my desire to make friends overshadows my ability to be myself a lot of the time in social situations.

I'm also feeling sort of rejected because two people I thought were my friends are no longer interested in going out with me and of course I do'nt know the real reason but it might be because I am becoming more confident being myself around them because I've known the mboth for years now but a lot of the time, I was a caretaker around them and now I've hoped for more of a friendship than a parenting role with them and they are not interested. I've been having the same exchange with several different people in my life lately. I have stopped trying ot take care of them so much, and I stop hearing from them once that happens.

I'll learn how to spot people who are interested in more than being taken care of. :)

I tell myself that there is no magic to making friends, you have eto be yourself and like who you are and people who like who they are will like being with you. But on my bad days I have lots of negative thoughts about this still.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Loves trees: Yes, it sure is nice to be appreciated with warts and all, as no one is perfect. I used to worry about people not liking me and all that, not anymore, though feelings do get hurt when badly mistreated. Just be myself and show by example how I like to be treated. Maybe they don't like my looks, my style, my philosophy, my creations, etc. etc. That's ok because as we've written, everyone is different and has different tastes and outlooks on life, so I try not to take it too personally. Put downs are a no-no, not good, not a friendly person in my opinion. Now to find someone we can click with is a bit harder sometimes. How big are the changes we might be willing to make to fit in? If it's too much of a compromise then we won't be happy with ourselves (not our true self) and might resent them later. I don't think one should have to make big major changes to fit in, unless the person is a complete lout with absolutely no social/saving graces, lol. Are there any clubs or groups you can join? Is there a hobby that you like which you could study/join up with a group? You might have a chance of finding a friend who enjoys some things you enjoy, then you could have that in common to start with and build from there. You may both like the same things, have the same goals, but may get there using a different approach - pattern followers and non-pattern followers are ok.

Hope you can get some ideas.

Your friend, Sunny, cheering for you.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Sunny,

Since I am back to feeling better today, I do see my positives and I have much to be thankful for in my life.

I have struggled to be understood by people around me. I've known for a while that its never going to work to try to become more like them - we even hear that as children that we should be ourselves. But the desire to have friends persists. Sometimes I feel like it is so hard to find other people who don't follow patterns - i.e. who are creative and analytical like I am.

I think now that I am older, I am ok with not being surrounded by like minded people, like you say, if everyone was the same that would be boring. But I do want to be appreciated for who I actually am. Most people I meet want to follow a pattern when they craft. That's cool. I don't mind that anymore. I've gotten over my childish need for people to be the same as me. But when people who are not like me put me down, or tell me to change in some way, I am no longer interested in that. We have to appreciate each other for who we are - pattern users or not-, that is definitely a core value of mine.