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13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1071

Teebs!

I am so proud of you, I am jumping up and down and clapping my hands for you! I'd do a cartwheel if I could :) Do you realize how far you have come? I am impressed with your determination and never give up attitude. You have your dragons chained. What you did re: the gag feeling was a huge, huge deal and I am just beaming at your success. You are so awesome with what you are already telling yourself about the upcoming trip. I know how you feel and that's exactly what I have told myself before a long trip. You really get it! And, it's working! And, your dragons are becoming much smaller every time you do this. You have progressed amazingly and I am truly, truly overjoyed with your successes. I need to knit a Super Woman cape for you! Thanks for sharing your story of inspiration. Your Friend, Shari

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 286

Shari -

This dragon analogy continues to be a great one. Thanks for posting how you've successfully been using water instead of gasoline to address the fires your dragons have created - it sounds like you are doing a great job. My positive self-talk voice has been getting stronger too. Yesterday I felt the gag feeling coming on and just told myself "You're fine, nothing bad will happen to you with this sensation" and "I don't want to go there (panic attack) right now!" I felt the sensation for maybe 15 minutes or so but focused on doing something else and it went away without getting worse. I've also had some anticipatory worry about the drive coming up for me on Saturday and I've just told myself to deal with the day when it comes, I've done this many times before and been just fine, and that if I panic I'll stop and deal with it and then it will pass, that's all.

This whole discussion about dragons has reminded me of a quote from the book Simple Abundance that says, "It's simply not an adventure worth telling if there aren't any dragons."

Teebs

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Loves trees

I'm impressed and proud of you. Big improvement here.

I knew my post would be hard but I have faith in you.

I have been there, I only want what is best for you.

Some times all I have to offer is tough love but know in your heart that it is the best answer I have. We really are here for you.

Davit

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1071

I wonder if everyone would mind checking to see if their dragons are all chained today, because I have run into them everywhere. BUT, I have successfully slain each one as it showed itself. It's just one of those days where everything goes wrong, EXCEPT, my attitude which was right! So despite every obstacle, I handled everything calmly and made my day better by throwing water on the fire, instead of gasoline. This is huge progress for me, because I used to get worked up about things that were out of my control and make the situations worse. Anxiety tried to get a hold of me at a few traffic lights, so I ignored it and focused on a candle making booklet I bought. When I got home, Fawn, my bigger brown Chihuahua came in through the dog door with her hind foot raised, shaking and limping. The old me, would have freaked out, panicked, rushed her to the Vet and gotten myself worked up into a tizzy. I saw she was breathing fine and wasn't bleeding and was able to put weight on it. So, this is not an emergency situation. I calmly ate my lunch and observed her. A mile stone, because I took care of myself first (by eating), so I would have the strength to take care of her. In the past, I have not eaten, rushed to the Vet, and ended up feeling shaky and sick from not eating. Since, I was calm, I was able to think clearly and remembered a time when this had happened to her once before. She stepped on a bee. Her foot was swollen, but would be back to normal in a couple of days. She's resting comfortably now and all is well. To answer Ashley's questions. How do I push my future dragons away? I recognize them and do not believe their lies and I use the appropriate positive self talk for the individual situation. Now that my dragon is under my control, the possiblities are: that I can live my life in a calm and less stressful way than I used to. My life isn't as hard as it used to be. I am relaxed and I'm enjoying life. I'm optimistic about everything. The positive possibilities are limitless. And, the negative possibilities are identified and are turned into positives. I am free!

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Ashley,

Thanks for the response and encouraging words.

It is not even noon here yet and I've already bumped up against core issues and managed to navigate through a minor anxiety. I feel proud of myself that I did something different and was able to prevent a more deeper attack this AM.

Writing down the negative thoughts is really helping.

Davit's advice to come to the forum instead of turning to my partner was hard to read at first but challenged me to do something new and the whole reason for joining was because what i was doing was clearly not working. So this AM i forcd myself, it was hard, not to go to him as soon as i felt anxious. I was posting about assertivness when i had to respond to an email from someone and had to state my position they were questining me on and had to be assertive. I felt dizzy and tight chest while doing it and afterewards waiting for their response. I was able to observe my anxiety a bit more than before instead of being caught up in it. I had some nervous energy taht I used to do the dishes and focus on that while I calmed down, and I put on some music to also help me focus and calm down. I think I sent an assertive email, I didn't attack or anything, I jsut stated what I needed and what I am willing to compromise to solve the problem at hand. Regardless of the outcome of this scenario and if this person takes advantage of me or not after my being assertive, I know I did my best on this today and that is a start.

I really hope that my posts help other people because the forum has been the best thing here that I've ever found to help me with what I struggle with. I hope I contribute to that now and into the future.

You asked me 2 questions about relationships:

What did they add to my life? What did i learn from them?

I'm going to admit, my immediate response to these was "nothing good". negative core beliefs definitely. What I learned from my parents for example is that people don't follow through on things they say they will do for you. What I've been learning from friends over the last 10 years is that everyone I click with eventually moves away.

I suspect you were pushing me to cnsider the positive things I've learned from my relationships too. I have to dig a bit for that stuff. I struggle to feel that people care about me after they've disregarded my needs so many times. I realise some people have not even been aware of my needs because I didn't tell them. I wanted them to "just know", or to use their common sense in the fact that everyone has needs and if they enjoy pretending that i don't have needs, then they are not people I should be friends with. Intellectually, I realize that if I continue to believe everyone is out to hurt my feelings or ignore my needs, that all the relationships I currently hav will end because these are normal people who will not be able to stay with me in the long term if I continually make them prove they are not hurtful, mean and ill intentioned. Emotionally though, I still want that wall to stay up for self protection.

Hope that made sense. I am sure I'll read this again in the future and see if my heart can catch up to my head or vice versa because I don't want to live the rest of my life fearing everyone around me, its exhausting.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11214

Love this thread. Addressing this negative thinking is a great way to deal with social anxiety. Check out Auxillary Session number 3 on Challenging Negative thinking for more ideas on how to change this way of thinking.

Welcome loves trees! I have just started reading a few of your posts. Sounds like you will be making some excellent contributions in the forums! Glad to have you on board!

I love that you were able to identify one of your dragons. I did want to ask a few questions to help start the process of examining and slaying the dragons. First, from those relationships you have had the ones that remain and the ones that you lost. What did you learn from them? What did they add to your life that you did not already have?

Davit, interesting thoughts. I wanted to throw some ideas out and hear what you thought of them. My thoughts may be a little different from yours but I think they have the same end goal - changing the core belief to stop anxiety. To me the thought (core belief) is what leads to the emotion. The emotion itself is not bad. In some ways all emotions are not bad they are just on different spectrums. All emotions have a purpose and all emotions is what makes life so rich. Feeling and emotions is not bad and should not be repressed. It is the negative thoughts and beliefs which leads to these emotions that need to be slayed. These dragons make you doubt yourself, make you feel stuck and prevent you from leading a fufilled, authentic life.

Shari, great work! Do you know how long it can take to recognize a dragon and then tell it to go away? That takes a lot of insight and strength! Very awesome! In the future if you hear that dragon breathing down your neck how are you going to push it away? Now that the dragon is under your control what are the possibilities?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Shari: Congratulations Shari. Your daughter is off to college. That's something to be proud of eh? (Canadian I am with the eh? lol) You've done something right, she's bright and intelligent and confident to go out into the world and learn some more. Give yourself a pat on the back. That's what we wanted for our children, for them to be able to leave the nest and find their path, their own life journey. We, as parents, will always be there to support them no matter what happens. So this is a good thing even if we miss them, which is a natural thing, tho I couldn't wait to turn one bedroom into the computer room haha.

Maybe your brother was occupied with something that you don't know about - maybe he asked his wife to respond for him (?). Might you be jumping to conclusions or mind reading? Just asking questions here, I don't know. He may not realize that you had a need to hear back from him. We aren't mind readers afterall. Perhaps later you could ask him if he received your best wishes and see how he responds.

Just to share: My older daughter is still piqued with me about something I did - I feel I did the right thing, she feels I didn't and says I don't understand the situtation. Well, I apologized to her for upsetting her, even though I still think what I did was o.k., but I am sorry it upset her because I love her. She has been cool to me since, but I realize that the ball is in her court, she has to come to terms with her feelings about this and I have to be patient and wait it out. I am still here for her, and she knows that as I know she loves me too. As you say in your post, we are responsible for our own feelings and emotions and the other person is responsible for their own too. In a past post I wrote "Who's Responsible for What" and it covers this subject.

Glad you slayed the Dragon! you recognized the pattern and used your new skills. That's wonderful.

Your friend, Sunny

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1071

The dragon of rejection snuck up behind me today. It took me a minute to see that he was toothless, and was only blowing smoke, not fire. My brother's birthday is on the same day as the day my daughter leaves for college. So, I make sure to email him the day before to wish him a Happy Birthday, so I don't forget on the day. Usually, he will reply, but didn't. I emailed him again with a really funny email and still no word. His wife has been responding, in his place. So........this morning, I started getting angry (red alert - the dragon is standing right behind you!). When I realized what happened, I told the dragon to stop whispering his negative words in my ears, he is a liar and I won't entertain his thoughts. Well, that shut him up! Whatever the reason, I'm not hearing from Don, doesn't matter. It's his issue and has nothing to do with me. End of rejection. Have you slayed your dragon(s) today?

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Looking for why we panic can be like looking for a needle in a hay stack. You have to know what to look for. Take core beliefs, even though they control us you may not notice them. If you divide a page in two, and write on one side every thing good that happened to you as far back as you can remember and on the other side every thing bad you will find a pattern. Then look at how you feel about these things. This is about emotions. Write how you feel now about each situation. Do you feel sad or angry about the bad ones same with the good side. Lump all the ones that make you mad and see what they have in common and you will have a negative core belief. Negative core beliefs are built on emotions related to an event not the event itself. The event is just the stimulus. If you lost a lot of friends in the past you will build an emotion about it and this emotion is the core belief which you use to relate to the present situation. The emotion, is the problem, not the fact. This emotion if it is false is the dragon you need to slay, the fact of the situation is just its home. Not all dragons need to be slain, some you just need to change into something less harmless. Like a small pink dragon with no fire.

Your ativar suggests to me that you feel life is a long empty road with no end, not so at all.

Here for you,

Your friend

Davit.

13 years ago 0 +0 / -0 356

I am SO glad you posted this. I feel like i could have written some of it about myself verbatim.

I joined a few days ago, a lot is clicking for me quite quickly right now, espeically as I read through these forum posts.

As i sat down to see if i could articulate what it is that I panic about, because its sort of unclear to me since its not something such as driving or going to public places, i realise it is related to rejection. When i feel that any part of me is being rejected by someone, i can end up having an attack. Even if they are not actually rejecting me it feels like it. I want relationships, but I am scared of them. I have one friend who emailed me to hang out later but last week she said she is moving away and i'm mad at her for that - which i know is irrational. but she's making me deal with yet another loss and rejection by moving, after us getting to know each other better and better over the last year. i have no words to explain this to her. i may avoid her until she moves away now. Someone else emailed me earlier this week and wanted to hang out but i have been asking them to talk to me about something serious for a while now and they actually put in the email, lets hang out but i don't want to talk about that stuff you emailed about before. So i didnt go out with them at all. I totally avoided it because that email was already a rejection.

So i am starting to put the pieces together. i avoid situations that might make me feel distressing emotions, and my anxiety ramps up as i realize I am starting to feel something I won't be able to handle, because feeling rejected makes me think a lot of those negative thoughts that were described in the session 1 pages.

no wonder i've been struggling. Trying to prevent feeling any more loss or rejection (i feel i've endured enough) is an impossible way to go throgh life. When I was 20, making new friends happened pretty regularly, but now that i'm older, and i've made a total of 3 friends this year, and one moves away, i'm devastated. i'm actually convinced making new friends is futile. Over the years Ive become more convinced that loss is an inevitable result of getting into a relationship. I can "prove" this is true by pointing to people i've lost in the last 10 years , the list is long. but that doesn't help me look forward with optimism. so its time to uproot this stuff. i know this program is going to help me slay those dragons as Shari put it. Thanks for posting.

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