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14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

So I went to my dr.s appt't yesterday. The night before I slept well, I used the visualization , and self -talk. I did not experience any anticipatory anxiety! I was fine all morning, even in the office until she called my name.Then the dreaded old feeling came rushing in my whole body, of course she took my BP right away. Its high...Ofcourse...150/100. Then we discussed some other things, agree to me wearing a 24 hr. monitor to get a true reading, make another app't for 3 months, off I go.

When I got in the car I started to cry...so I wrote down what it was that I was feeling. At first I thought it was relief ..that it was over, but then it came to me, I was upset because the reading wasn't perfect, that I thought since I had done everything "right" it should have been perfect. It came to me that I'm scared of having high BP, not only cause its unhealthy, but because , in some weird way, I had thought that it meant I didn't have control . And I have to give up control to some outside force. (Doctor's, pills)This is hard for me to explain, I'm not even sure if I totally understand the way I feel, I just feel like I've had a breakthrough. So what if I do have Hypertension? I'm certainly not alone with it. I try to do all the right things, and other than that I can't control it by myself. I need outside help. Just like my anxiety....I struggled for so many years trying to "conquer" it on my own ,(never worked for very long) now I'm using this program, and I take a SSRI. And I'm doing so much better, for longer than ever before!

I see now that I have a negative core belief about having High BP as something you do to yourself. This is where it gets complicated..my father had really high BP, but he had a terrible lifestyle... Smoked, drank, ate, angry,now I think Codependant, My mother and him had a love/hate relationship,she always went on and on about his faults. Nag, nag nag.

But I take good care of myself...sure, I could improve in the exercise area...but I see now that my high BP is not a sign of failure, not a sign that I'm like him, its just genetics. So be it. I'm already ok with having an anxiety issue, having high BP is just another part of my life.

I cannot explain how relieved I feel. I avoided dr's for years and years,scared of being told something that I already knew, (I have HiBP) but now, like that lightbulb, I feel like I could go to any dr. and say, "Ya, I have hypertension...my doctor and I are working on it."..just like I would say " I have this pimple".

Whew!

Getting there,

Cleo

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Sunny, that must have been terrifying, I'm so glad you got better!! I'll be beside you for your next app't.

Red, I'm so happy for you that you have found a good doctor!

I hope Shari is ok..haven't seen her here lately.

Davit,yet again, I love your attitude...you're absolutley right..the doctor is there for us. I'm going to visualize not caring about what the reading is....because really, even if its sky-high, I know thats just anxiety, and it always goes down...I'll look over at Sunny in my imagination and say "Let's just get this over with and go for a cup of tea!" That's the plan!

Cleo

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

HI: thanks for your concern, I know what you mean, one has to stay alert about these things. I see two docs. about this, one is a GP, one an internest. I developed an enlarged heart at one time and so it was imperative to get the BP down. At one point they told my husband to prepare our youngest - the other two were gone by then - that I might not make it. I was in ICU for awhile. This summer it has been tweaked three times. The betablocker has been halved, which I am happy about as I thought heartrate was too slow.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 659

Shari,

I have been wondering, how you are doing? Have you recovered from you neck injury? I do miss you and reading your posts. I hope you are feeling better.

Davit,

I agree about the BP meds. The Doctors will give you to strong a dose if you let them. They started me on 10 mg of lisinopril which was to much. I called my Doc right away and he lowered the dose. I am really lucky that I found this new doctor. He really listens to what your are telling him. He had his nurse call me right back with in a hour. When I was in his office again 10 days later and my bp was up a little but better than before. I let him know that it was 118/76 at home so we kept me at 5mg....I see him again in 6 months and we will take it from there.

Red

Just being myself

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

sunny

Today I feel like getting in trouble so here goes, If your BP is high your Doc will just over medicate you. I had one of those. He had me on such a high dose I was almost comatose. It didn't take me long with my monitor to figure out how much I should be taking and that is what I take now. It was hard on batteries for a while but one thing to come from it was I found foods that elevated it. But that is just me. You "arn't" (aren't) allowed to do this. Of course my BP doesn't get high in the doctors office because I don't care what his reading is. I don't care about much of any thing when I go see him. I need him to order tests and prescribe pills. I've been known to fall asleep waiting. I really have a ho hum attitude since he is there for me not the other way round. Survival mode, only get concerned if there is a reason to be concerned.

Living life without boundaries.

Here for you.

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Cleo: I'm right beside you for the BP check. I want you beside me when it's my turn. Though it's great at home, as soon as I sit and wait by the time I get into the examination room, it's gone up. My doctor just laughs and takes my notes with about a wk's worth of readings on it. I've always wanted to show her how good it can be. You know what? I give up, what is, is, and hopefully I can forget it. I like your word "arn't", ain't life grand?

Your friend, Sunny

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hi Again,

Thanks so much for the replies. You both are right, and I'm going to use your advice...I'm going to visualize before hand, and when I decide to try again I will keep it to myself until its accomplished. Arn't words amazing? ha..Arnt isnt really a word is it ? But I'm leaving it here, as I type as if I'm talking to you. When I say to myself, " I just wasn't ready," instead of"" I didn't accomplish my goal," I feel so much better and positive about myself. I love this place. That brings me to what happened yesterday. I heard that a young nurse went home with stress, I knew a bit about her anxiety so I contacted her today, opened up about my own struggles (not easy for me) We had a cry together, then a laugh, I told her all about this place, and how great everyone is here. So I hope she checks it out.

I love that its a Hope book, not a Help book. I'm already visualizing my Dr.s appt next week..I see me calmly sitting there, chatting with her, my BP 120/80..ha! If I'm going to dream I might as well dream big!

Thanks again my friends

Cleo

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1665

Cleo: I've missed you too. Rome wasn't built in a day as the saying goes. You'll know when it's time to try again. I don't know if you've tried this or not. One way I try to prepare before I do something I don't really want to do is to visualize it every night before I sleep - in a positive way, the way I want it to succeed, step by step - for about a week before. And do the relaxation exercises too. Then before the event, I do another relaxation and lots of positive self-talk. I may still be nervous, but I feel better prepared. As Davit wrote, no pressure, we support whatever decision you make and we will celebrate with you. Keep posting, we care.

Your friend, Sunny

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 6252

Cleo,

I just came back from my therapists where she was very excited about my little booklet and she will edit it and correct any mistakes. The rest of the time she spent kicking my butt. She has an amazing ability to make me talk about things I don't want to.

The book is going to get longer, She wants me to put in more examples of each situation to make it clearer and I also have more things to put in that I had not come across. Right now it is basically just an explanation or cause and cure with every thing we have been talking about over the last 11 months that I have been on here. It is not a work book, I leave that up to this program and the few good books out there. It is a hope book, It is a reason to seek help book.

And it seems I'm not finished, It will get longer but right now it is complete as it stands, it just will be better. I want her okay on it before I put it in my website but I will and I will put how to access it in my blog if the site will let me. I'm not advertising or selling any thing. It is free but they are welcome to check it out first.

By the way you did not fail, you just were not ready. You will be one day I know that. In the mean time just keep working at it. If you decide to try again, don't tell us, tell us after and we will celebrate with you that way there will be no pressure to do it and if you still can't, no let down. We really did miss you.

Here for you,

Your friend

Davit.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 538

Hi Friends,

Davit...you finished your book! Amazing! I can hardly wait to read it! Your Website? I must have missed something. Please tell me how to go to your Website.

I also wonder about Anerol and Mammakim , and others who posted a couple of times then seemed to disappear. I hope they are well.

I wasn't writing for a little bit because I was ashamed of myself, I did not accomplish my goal, so I didn't want to write about what I saw as a Failure Story. My plan to walk down to the end of the wharf alone fizzled . One day I had the time, hubby was with me, we had the camera, but it was just easier to take a drive. So I used that terrible thing, Avoidance! Then those dragons (thanks Shari)kept telling me to give up, I'm not gong to ever do it...etc...

Now its a few days later and I'm improving...using my questions for the negative thoughts, and telling myself its ok, reminding myself of how far I've come since April ... I'm throwing everything I have at those dragons.

Its kind of like when I go on a diet...if I try really hard and watch every calorie in and out, but don't lose what I thought I should I give up , all or nothing thinking I guess. At least now I know how to fight it, squish those thoughts by thinking positive ones...why is it so hard?

Sunny..I love organizing closets! Strange I know, but theraputic! I better get off here before they time me out.

Cleo

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