Oh here it is... I replied in the other post since I couldn't find the new one.
That's interesting Davit, your analogy about my dream. I sure do want to interact with people, but am afraid to. I never thought you can pull it out from my want to traveling but i guess it can. I felt like my main focus of my dream was for me to experience something new.. maybe i want to escape. I think i want to prove my negative thinking wrong.. or my stubborn thinking.. and add all these thinkings, i've never thought of.
Ashley, Every week i go to the library and i borrow books on different countries. i find a lot of satisfaction from this and it's very interesting to me learning about different cultures around the world... it shows me how small i am in this big big world. Eventually I'd like to learn a few more languages and be fluent. I never watched the world cup until this year, because through this I can watch many people from different parts of the globe.. and now from doing that i have an interest in soccer. Everything leads to something! The values you have left are all correct... but the list can keep going.
Thank you so very much. I have spent so much time on the phone that it is hard to believe, we have fallen asleep on the phone. But it is not the same as being with some one. I love this lady but there is the "what if". what if there is something about me she doesn't like. What if she has just been avoiding it. What if I have been keeping something from her. Or vice versa. This meeting will decide if we just stay friends or if it will go any further. There are things in her life I don't like but they are part of the lady I love so I will accept them. I will let her know they bother me but I will NOT try to change her. I was a recluse for far too long. I'm a cripple and I have to depend on people far more than I like but I am adjusting. It was very hard to accept home support. I did not want some one coming into my house and doing the things I couldn't do because I had staph infection and was too weak. It has taken about two years to accept that although the people that help me do not do things the way I would that there heart is in the right place and though they some times frustrate me, I love them, because they really do care. Getting old by ones self is not a good thought.
If it does not work out with Karin I will have gained one more good friend anyway. I really think it will work. We want so bad for it to.
I think it will be wonderful if find the partner you want to share your life with. You mentioned you were scared. I know it is scary and hard. I really had a hard time letting someone into my life, my world and my home. At first it was hard to sleep because I was used to living alone and I was not used to having someone in the house not to mention staying in the house. We both were used to living alone etc. etc. We had familys especially him that did not want to share him. Even though he was living alone and he never saw his grown kids and his sister would not give us a moments peace, she was a nightmare. My son was much better about it and just wanted me to be happy. It took a long time and I have made the transition to living with another person my partner and am very happy that I took this chance and let someone into my world. Now we have our world together and I am no longer alone in this world and I have someone to share it with. We still have changes to go through and have to make allowances for the other person in our lives and vice versa. It is a ongoing learning process and nothing is perfect, no one is prefect. Its pretty darn close though. I hope you find that special person you are looking for and this is the one. It would be a nice dream come true.
Ashley, There is one value that I have to disagree with. This dream does not have security. I have looked for this actual place on my travels around the country and usually the place is:
1. to isolated and not safe
2. the commute to get supplies is to far
3. If something happened to my partner
would I be able to take care of the property alone and would I want to stay there alone.
4. These are things I have to consider now that I am getting older and have health problems.
5. I was the one left behind when I husband died and I am not sure I could endure it again.
It is very hard.
6. Whether living in the city with murderers, predators, and bullies for neighbors or living in a isolated place in the middle of no where. I do not think I would feel safe and secure. My home is payed for so I am secure in that way but I am not safe. Feeling that I am safe and secure would be a dream come true. A real pipe dream.
You are completely right when I refer to values I mean what brings fulfillment in your life. Sorry I should have clarified. Everyone's values are different and unique and the more you are able to honor your values generally the more fulfilled you will feel.
And yes planning trips is a great way to honor your values of nature and freedom! But really you can find ways to honor your values even in small ways everyday. The walk you explained is a great example! If you try to look at your life through the lens of which values you are honoring and which you are stepping over it can give a lot of clarity. In the case of anxiety it can be hard to honor certain values due to fear. By recognizing how important something is in your life it might make it easier to fight for. This is unrelated to program content but I still think it can be helpful!
You are right on the mark about my values in my dream post. I read your post and had to think about for a long while trying to understand. By values I guess you mean the things I value in life and that are important to me. Is that right??? For some reason I kept thinking of values meaning family values. I guess that is because I heard so much about it in the new media over the years. Before I returned to this site I was on line trying to plan a camping trip to Utah or somewhere. The weather is getting pretty hot there now. May have to stay in hotels instead. Anyway Is this what you mean about incorporating part of my values and part of my dreams into my life now??? Here is another example. You know when I go and walk on the beach and look out over the ocean on a day when there are not crowds and can see forever I feel I am living part of my dream. The waves against your skin is like a massage and the birds are all dancing and playing in the surf. The sound of the crashing waves are music to the ears. I am free and at peace. No matter what anybody says to me or does they can not turn this into a negative for me. It is part of my dream and is a positive that belongs to me. I have spent a lot of time on different days this week walking on the beach with my partner and my dream. It is my dream not anyone else's here and that is what really matters. I am glad I have my partner to talk to about these dreams with and that he and I can discuss this program and the posts here when I need a impartial opinion or don't understand something. Its good to have a second set of eyes and ears.
Even though neither one of us sees that well or hears well now thats for sure. LOL LOL
Davit, I am glad to hear you are working on adding people to your life and more importantly a person to share it with. It is true you can have all the things in life and not having someone to share it with does make it less happy. I guess I failed to mention my partner in the dream I posted. I did mention a barn or shop. Thats for him and his hobby and collection of antique farm engines. I could of include the kids even though our kids are all grown and living far away from us my son 3 hrs away and working 5 straight days in a row at a time as a firefighter, his son in Hawaii in the navy and overseas a lot, his daughters 8 hrs away and our 4 grandkids. That would not be a realistic dream and definitely not be a dream that could come true. I have someone in my life to share it with and we have made a live together. We laugh together, cry together, go for walks together on the beach, park, zoo etc. We have experienced many things together for the first times in our lives, like going to see a play, traveling Texas, Arkansas, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Arizona, California. We have seen many beautiful things and many beautiful sunsets and sunrises. We are looking for a place to relax and enjoy the Golden years of our life's and our dream is the place I posted about. It is our dream. A place to live away from the stress of the busy and crowed city. I have other people that I have met I and see in the classes I take and in the club that my partner belongs to. This is fine but we really want a place to live where we can relax and enjoy our lives, our hobbies and each other. I know I am Agoraphobic and even if I was not agoraphobic at all I think this would be my dream. I have dreamed of this since I was a child. It is a very pleasant and positive dream for me.
You make an interesting point. What I was doing was a Life Coaching skill I have learned which I thought would be a fun and motivating activity for members. It can be very hard to disect a members dreams or wishes looking at what is missing though. We cannot assume that someone doesn't value something because it was not included in the blurb about their dream. For instance, I value nature but if I describe one particular dream nature may not be included. This does not mean I don't value nature, it just means it can't be identified in that particular dream. Hopefully this makes sense.
You have pretty much described my place to a T. except for the sauna. But then I am not finished. My take on this is different than Ashley's. What I see is that there are no people in this dream of yours. No barbecue with people sitting around the pool. What I see is that you want all the comforts of life without having to deal with people to get them. Very agoraphobic. I have all of this and it has not made me any less anxious. None of this is any good unless you can share it. I am adding people to my life because being reclusive is not healthy. People need time to themselves but not all the time. In four days I will have a friend to walk the trails with and share the garden with. If we are compatible I will have a partner to share dreams with. I will also have some one to force me to get out of my shell and deal with the world. Am I scared? You bet I am but I am sick of not being able to do the things I want to do, when I want to do them.
My friend, aim for this goal of yours but keep working on the agoraphobia because socializing is an important part of getting better.
Anerol.
I am with you in one aspect, What is Ashley's dream. But then we know don't we it is in her hobbies. Your dreams call for a lot of interaction with people, why do you think this is? Is it because it is something you have trouble with and want to be able to do.
My dream is to ride the train across Canada and with the help of my new friend I may be able to do it. It will be Hard to do because of my health but what an adventure if I can do it. It will also force me to interact with people.
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