EvolutionHealth.care

Home
Main Forum
Anxiety
Health Educator´s Corner
Problems with avoidance-Part 2

Advanced Search Form

Problems with avoidance-Part 2

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 477

Hi CM.

I'm sorry I haven't posted here a while but I just wanted to say congrats on your efforts. I think the fact that you still attempted, what ever the outcome was, to go to school was courageous and amazing.. ESPECIALLY with anxiety and depression. I can understand that things can get overwhelming when it's unexpected (like the longer time schedule for the class) but hey, you learned something new because you attempted something and that is a great thing. School is tough, I think we alllll can agree on that and yet you still tried it out.

And Gene, thanks for the beautiful tips. I think we all needed it!!

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 466

For what it's worth Caden, I suffer from this very same issue. It's the one thing that makes me recess back to anxiety, and the one thing I had to battle all last week up until today. It's the hardest battle because of the hold it has on oneself, and the fact that you cannot will it away. What's funny, is that the lesson I learned today (by mistake) on my own, is exactly what Gene wrote.

I think I needed that pep talk as much as you did. I don't even have the words to say thank you for that Gene....

First of all, just because you are thinking something does not mean that you will act on it.

Secondly, the only reason a fearful thought replays itself is the emotion you attach to it.

Thirdly, you have to realise that you cannot will a thought away.

And Faryal, I really enjoyed that line : "The very fact that you are aware of this disturbing thought makes you a conscientious person." This is exactly what I've been telling myself for the last 5 years of battling. One of the few things I thought that kept me from going completely under the spell.

The minds' true magic comes from the ability to make what is, isn't...and vice versa.

True understanding comes from knowing we are capable of this, and thus knowing the honest capability that every person has to make this mistake.

And the hardest lesson from this, the ability to forgive such a thing...especially to yourself.

Cheers.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi CM, Every once in a while, each of us has a wild thought that makes us feel strange and agitated. Your teacher is a good-looking guy and very nice.........probably just as your psychotherapist was. When another person invokes a feeling of confidence or makes us feel that they care, it is not unusual to feel a connection with that person. What is happening here is a transferrence of feelings and thoughts from a past experience with a past individual to a new experience with a new individual. You are projecting your previous feelings and the disappointment you experienced afterwards to this experience because somehow you believe the outcome will be the same. You are not beyond help CM. The very fact that you are aware of this disturbing thought makes you a conscientious person. It is OK to have feelings of admiration for another individual.............be aware of your limits however. You are going to class to learn. Try to focus on why taking this course is important for you. Although it may be difficult, I do hope you will give it another go. Write down your negative thoughts and own them. Try not to obsess over them. I hope you make it to class next time. Good luck! Faryal, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

Glad I could help a bit. I just saw your first post and you seemed like you needed a pick me up. I felt just like you did perhaps three weeks ago. So sometimes you can heal quite rapidly.

Congrats for going again today! I hope it goes better than yesterday. But you did well then for going back later. It will help. I had my first PA in the gym where I hyperventilated and experienced extreme panic. A few months later I felt that way again. The same intensity. But this time was different. I took a break and went straight back and finished off what I wanted to do. At first I felt dissapointed that after months of panic disorder that I could still experience such an intense PA. But actually the difference was huge because the second time I went back. Going back to face the situation that caused you panic is massive progress and it will lead to breakthroughs. Even if you aren't immediately aware of it.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 778

Hello there CM , i've come pretty late in your thread so i havnt really got any fresh advise . I think Gene's post was amazing and very helpful .

What i want to say really is well done for going to school , that really is something . Hope today was abit easier as well .

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

Hi Ya Genejockey:

Thank God for this site and caring people like you.

Have you ever thought of being a psychotherapist or a counsellor?

I do understand what you are saying & I know you are right. I just have to try at least once a day to try challenging the thoughts.

Well it's about 8am here in Toronto and I have decided to go to the course and give it another go.

I'm so glad I checked the posts this morning before going, you have started my day off on a positive note.

Thank-you so much.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 187

Hi CM

Congrats on going to the course!!!!! The fact that you went back later is great. That's how you begin to feel more confident about something. Don't downplay your success you have done a fantastic thing and I am very happy for you.

I know exactly how you feel about the plaguing thoughts. They just keep on resurfacing despite your efforts. I have suffered tremendously with this. There are a couple of things that will help though.

First of all, just because you are thinking something does not mean that you will act on it. You still have complete freedom of choice regarding your actions. If you embrace this idea it will help. Even if you did fall in love with him because of confused feelings- you already know this a possibility and therefore you will understand the nature of your emotions as being infatuation and not real love that you have to act on. Even though right now you are not in control of your thoughts and emotions you are always in control of your actions!

Secondly, the only reason a fearful thought replays itself is the emotion you attach to it. If you remove that emotion the thought will naturally go away. The way to relieve yourself of the emotion is to challenge the thought. I once suffered with the idea that I might go mad. It kept replaying itself in my mind causing massive GAD with constant worrying that my panic will drive me crazy. The way I relieved that emotion was by researching and challenging that thought. I discovered that it is basically impossible for you to think yourself crazy. You can think about it all day for years and it will never happen!!!! If something is impossible you will eventually not agonise over it. If you are worried about going crazy read the post "irrational thoughts and headaches". I also used to worry about my heart. So I went to a cardiologist and he gave me the all clear. I can't say that the worry went away completely or immediately (esp when I got his invoice!!), but I do feel allot better and I no longer obsess about it.

Thirdly, you have to realise that you cannot will a thought away. The idea of willing a thought away invokes that very thought! They go away on their own when we no longer attach significance to them.

So the only reason you think those negative thoughts is because they carry significance to you. It does not mean they are real or that they will force you to do something you don't want to do. It's exactly as you say "I am associating what happened in the past with my situation now".

I don't how you will apply this to your situation but I REALLY wish you good luck and hope you find some peace. You are never beyond help!!! Hope you don't mind me writing this long winded essay but I just want to help :)

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

Hi Ya Faryal:

Thanks for your comforting words. It's not as if I feel I will fall in love with my teacher but more the "what if". He's a good looking guy and very nice you are probably right about my feelings being confused.

I honestly don't know where the thought came from and that frightens me. I was even thinking of not going to class tomorrow because of the thought. These negative thoughts are so powerful for me. I try to analyze where they come from and why I think them & it only frightens me more when I can't come up with a reason.

The thought is coming from the feelings I had for my psychotherapist and wondering what if this could happen again. I am associating what happened in the past with my situation now.

I don't really feel any better about what you said about there is nothing wrong with having these thoughts because I feel there is. Just the thought that I would even think about falling for a teacher and depression just makes me very sad and I feel I am beyond help.

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 823

Hi CM, Although you were disappointed in yourself for leaving your morning class, you should be proud of yourself for making your 1 pm class despite how you were feeling. It is totally understandable that you felt trapped and unsettled. Try to think of alternate ways to handle this feeling when it surfaces again. What else can you do to gain control and feel better rather than leaving the class altogether? Could you have excused yourself and walked out for a short break........maybe got a drink of water or done some deep breathing on your own? Can you visualize if these strategies would have been helpful for you? Why do you think you may fall in love with your teacher again? Is it possible that feelings of admiration and happiness are being confused for something more...........it is not unusual that you may feel a sense of affection for your teacher especially if being around him/her makes you feel good and happy. Do give some thought to your feelings and thoughts and where they are coming from. There is nothing wrong with you having these thoughts so don't be so hard on yourself. Let us know how things go on your next class. Good luck! Faryal, Health Educator

15 years ago 0 +0 / -0 151

Hi Ya Breanne:

My first class was from 9.30am to 10.30am & then I was to go to pick up my schedule at 11am. This was according to the co-ordinator that called me last week, so I thought that that was my day finished at 11am. So I went with the thought that I would be leaving at 11, well the teacher handed us our schedules in the class. I couldn't believe it my classes finished at 3pm. I felt trapped, couldn't breathe right, my heart and mind were racing. I told the teacher I must have misunderstood what was said, but couldn't go to the next class I had to leave and go home.

I was so upset & felt like a failure for leaving and knew that I had to go back for my next class at 1pm, so I did.

Now sitting at home my mind is racing again, what if I can't handle this? One thought that is really bothering me is because I fell in love with my psychotherapist because of the way he spoke to me & we got on so well. He said one say about having a wife and kids and I fell into a severe depression that lasted for 6 months. The thought that came to mind was what if I fall for the teacher and fall into depression again? I told my mum about this & she said I floored her. She said if I let this happen I am on my own this time & couldn't believe I would even think this. To tell you the truth I can't believe I thought this either, she said to not go back to the course.

I feel like I'm going to go crazy, I know I have got my mum wondering about me. To tell you the truth I am too. I told her if this happens again I wouldn't be around because I couldn't take it. It's not as if I have fallen for the teacher but just thinking this thought really bothers me.

Reading this thread:

today's top discussions:

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved

Problems with avoidance-Part 2