Thanks for all your responses.
I called in sick today. I was just too scared. My mind is just full of negative thoughts right now.
I have things in the past I can't let go and I think that if I go to work sometimes I will not be able to find a safe spot to feel better in.
Then when I leave work my anxiety seems to spring into action because now it's free of stress. But the stress that's coming out is the stress that had been building all day at my job.
I felt so bad for not going to work today. I am spending some of the day looking for a better job, one that isn't so stressful or demanding.
I do not know where all the crazy thoughts in my head come from. I want to be happy and not be consumed by fear, but it gets very hard sometimes to keep it all together. The thoughts are fear of dying, fear of panic, and fear of past thoughts, if that makes any sense.
On our way home Saturday, after I had the panic attack at the stores, I was riding with my wife and I felt the dissociation kick in as if she were not there. It's very scary.
I know dissociation is a defense that the body and mind uses, but it can be so uncomfortable and it also leads to depersonalization. But I think they are nearly the same thing.
Anyway, thanks for all the comments. I have to break out of this.
I may need different meds or go back on what I was on.
