Zoey and Lynn, I've read through this thread and you both could've been posting about me: the bottle of wine every night, sometimes cracking the second bottle, trying to minimise eating so I can get hammered every night without getting fat, the self-hatred and guilt the next morning ... my God. I was convinced I was the only one.
Jewel and Dave, you are a true inspiration. I love reading your posts.
I've wanted to quit for a while, but had my "Jesus moment" last week when I overdid it and was too drunk to tuck my daughter in. That killed me. I've also had an ongoing obsession that I've damaged my liver, to the point where I was constantly checking my eyes for signs of yellowing.
For the past four days, when I've craved a drink, I say, "I don't want to keep checking my eyes." That is my mantra.
The plan was to not drink all week and allow myself to drink on Friday. Today, I had a trigger during what I call my "witching hours" (between 4:30-8:00 pm). I ended up drinking half a glass of wine. Once I started I really wanted to keep going but managed to stop. I drank a lot of tea, repeated my mantra and bided my time until I could come here.
I started beating myself up for drinking the half-glass of wine, but eventually I realised that I'd accomplished a huge victory by stopping. I have an unopened bottle of wine in my cupboard and I see it as a badge of honour. And I don't think I'm in a good headspace to drink right now, so I offered myself up as a designated driver on Friday.
We can do this; we each have to find our own way to do it, but we can do this together.
