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10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Mcaodha,

The program I went to was put on by the regional addiction treatment program for people that grew up or had family members who had severe drinking problems. It was a bit of a mix of Al-Non and ACoA. It was not a 12 step or spiritually based such as AA. It was a full program though and it was strange to listen to everyone because I would swear they grew up in my house. The format was a group session wear everyone got to share and discuss their experiences. I have no doubt if you and I exchanged notes we find more than our fair share of commonalities, as would many here who grew up in a alcoholic household. When we look at the common characteristics it becomes easy to see how these distorted thinking patterns and unmet needs become a baseline for our stress and anxiety. The positive aspect of that is it gives one a road map to things we need to work on and correct.

I'm certainly open to discussing the issues and find resolutions.

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 51

Hi Dave

I am very interested in your adult children of alcoholics as both of my parents were alcoholics, what template/model do they use at these meetings? Mcaodha

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Tal,

I started a topic on ACoA (Adult Children of Alcoholics (Characteristics of alcoholic or dysfunctional households)

I attended a few meetings for ACoA and it's quite amazing ow everyone in the room seemed to have grown up in my household.

Great work on making it through your first week! Well done! It's a really important step. Keep going!

Best regards,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12

Hi Dave,

I hope you are well.

Thank you for your reply. I've been/ still am thinking of some of the points you raised.

I am not common with the term (for want of a better word) ACoC so I did a bit of reading and I think quite possibly. It's given me some food for thought as it were.

A better understanding of who I am and why will help me in lots of different areas of my life I think, not just the negatives and drinking cycles I find myself repeating.

Thank you again :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12

Hi Ashley,

I'm really good thank you.

How are you?

I've had an alcohol free weekend (first time in as long as I can remember).

I've been really busy (hence I haven't logged on), spent time with family and friends, exercised and achieved loads.

I went to see a band on Friday night and had opportunities to drink alcohol but I decided mid week I would not drink and I stuck to that. I did however decline a pre arranged event that was pretty much centred around alcohol as I really needed a break from it and didn't feel confident I could do it earlier on the week.

I've got to the end of a difficult week and feel so much brighter and positive in myself.

No hangover, no negative experiences or thinking, no topping up just to function.

It's just the start though I know. I have a lot of feelings left to explore.

Joining here has been a huge help and making a difference I think.

Thank you very much :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

How are you doing today Tal?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Tal,

How are you doing? Good planning for the work function. I have an annual industry awards convention that I have to attend and it was definitely one I had to plan for year. It happens in Nov\ Dec time frame and it always turns into a big blow out with room parties etc. The collective will of everyone to party can be a little over-whelming. Same with weddings. I had to deal with both last year and I'm really glad I abstained from drinking because 1) I enjoyed the wedding much more and 2) it solidified my confidence in my internal strength and decision making when moving forward. There have certainly been times when it's been uncomfortable and took some thinking not to cave during the situation but it pays BIG dividends afterwards. It's really important to keep that in mind during those times. You can sometimes feel like you're going against your own will to behave a certain way in a trigger-based situation (like a rational adult who thinks for themselves :) ) and that's to be expected because you are re-wiring yourself mentally as to how you deal with things. We've become conditioned to use drinking as a means to control all sorts of things in our life and now we're not. It's a lot like breaking up with someone, and feeling can be very similar. There is a really logical and natural reason why we feel this way and it would take more space to describe it than this little box allows so I'll do a blog entry shortly to describe what I mean.

You made an interesting point about the "cliques" and their attitude. How do find dealing with people like this? Stressful? I ask because perceived fear of authority figures is a trait of dysfunctional/ ACoA thinking and is common in problem drinking. I know I was very uncomfortable with that perception for a long time and didn't realize it until I began to dissect the stressors that led to triggers that motivated me to drink. I'm not suggesting that is the case with you, only that it's something to consider. Our drinking is driven by our thinking and perceptions. The great thing is we have complete control over how we think and when we address these perceptions it solves the problem.

Are the weekends a trigger for you? Any plans on how you're going to abstain over the weekend?

Keep up the great work Tal!

All the best,

Dave

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12

Hi Dave, Having a better day today :) still toiling a bit but definitely feeling better today :) Thank you for your encouragement. I hope you are well today Im looking forward to a 2 hour work out...weights and then boxing! My managers have the conference after party bash all organised but I made my mind up weeks ago I wouldn't attend (didn't attend last year...or annual Christmas night or summer BBQ events) and I know I'll not change my mind...they are not the easiest of people to be around at times (kind of clique, in jokes and smart arse put downs to the 'subordinates' like myself and closer colleagues) I definitely know I'll not be missing out. Also, I'll be too tired by the end of the day :) Today I decided to decline a night out with closer work friends that has been arranged for a few weeks now has causing me a bit of anxiety.I stated that I had been drinking excessively this past while (didn't go into too many details) and felt I didn't want to drink this weekend again...I kinda think I know where it would all lead if I went and I just don't want to go there.... Like you say, distance yourself and make space away from alcohol. Thank you again for your advice and help. Enjoy your day :) Tal

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 12

Hi Foxman...thank you for your reply....I think what I'm meaning is attending a meeting would be outside my comfort zone so to speak. I'm not great in group situations, being with new people at the best of times and also a wee bit of the fear of unknown too (I'm quite a shy person)...thank you for putting me in the picture as it were about what happens. It seems less daunting now :)

10 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Tal,

Hoe are things going? Great planning for keeping busy. It's important to distance yourself from the drinking and give yourself the space to clear your head and detox from the alcohol consumption. You're really on the right track, so "Well done". You'll start sleeping better soon as well. Feeling drained is normal and it will pass. You're not missing anything by not drinking and the well of alcohol won't run dry so don't stress yourself over nothing.

You mentioned you have a conference coming up. I know for myself, conferences tended to escalate into a bit of a bash. If that is the case for you, have you considered how you plan to handle that? If it's not then no big deal. For special events, we want to plan ahead and really work through our strategy and our responses. I makes it much easier and lessens any pressure we may perceive when the option to have a drink comes up.

The exercise is such a great inclusion to your regime right now so get at it! :)

All the best,

Dave

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