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Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Based on the definitions below I'd say that I fall within the "problem or at risk drinker" category. Like you Turquoise, it does not affect me socially and my health is very good. I have never lost a friend or family member due to alcohol, I'm a happy drunk. Recognizing that this is a problem, I have been able to avoid jumping into the "heavy drinker" category, and I refuse to take that leap.

Dave I have always envisioned an alcoholic as that person who is at the extreme end of the spectrum, a savoury character with no morals. My mom always hung out with this type of person, and still does. The people who were not nice, had no direction in life, were basically the strays of society. These were the people she brought home for Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners. I learned very early in life that these are not the kind of people I would want to associate with in my adult life. I know that I am stereotyping because this is not how all heavy drinkers are, but because this is what I experienced as a child, this is what I perceive to be true. When I started to consider myself an alcoholic, I automatically thought that I had become an unsavoury character. I know this is not true, but it scared me to think I'd become my mother.

The definitions you provided below Turquoise gave me a sense of relief. Yes I have a problem and I'm definitely at risk, but I can not classify myself as a heavy drinker.

From what I see in society today, there are a lot of problem drinkers. It's become the norm to have a few glasses of wine every night for so many people. Society has glamorized wine, and alcohol in general, and it's become socially acceptable to drink on a regular basis. I can't tell you how many people at my former office that drank regularly. It astonished me. When I go to the liquor store it's always packed with people buying a cart full of wine. Seeing that opened my eyes to the fact that alcohol has become an integral part of life for so many people.

I didn't drink again last night, I'm proud of that.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Turquoise,

You illustrate the point exactly. According to American Family Physician (AFP) an extremely large % of the North American population would suffer from an alcohol disorder and it's about the same for mental health issues. According to AFP EVERYONE is at risk for an alcohol abuse problem, whether it's low, at-risk, or problem drinking. Yet the companies that produce it sure go out of their way to encourage you to buy it! Imagine a super bowl party WITHOUT beer!

Regards

Dave

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

Alcoholism is such a "gray" word. There really is no black and white definition, not to mention all the stereotypes and negative connotations. Despite the the fact that I've had no social problems, and no apparent health problems, I was most definitely a heavy drinker for many years. My personal definition is "if your drinking is causing you problems, then you have a drinking problem."

From Wikipedia: In general, problem drinking is considered alcoholism when the person continues to drink despite experiencing social or health problems caused by drinking.

From "American Family Physician" website: DEFINITIONS OF ‘SAFE,’ PROBLEM, AND HEAVY DRINKING.

The ceiling for low-risk alcohol use advocated by the U.S. government is one standard drink (5oz wine, in my case) per day for women and two standard drinks per day for men. At-risk alcohol use, or problem drinking, is defined as more than seven drinks per week or more than three drinks per occasion for women; and more than 14 drinks per week or more than four drinks per occasion for men. Heavy drinking is often defined as more than three to four drinks per day for women and more than five to six drinks per day for men.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Camiol,

I think one of the biggest challenges we have is defining where we fit into the scale of alcohol abuse because there seems to be so many categories and we tend to see the extreme end of the spectrum. We're so close to our own situation and often look up at it from the bottom of our own despair. Invariably we often default to "alcoholic", which is the extreme end of the scale. Obviously there are various schools of thought on this topic but based on my experience they are subjective and varied and and you are the one who has the strength to define where you fit in, and your path to a more controlled situation and recovery. Ultimately we want to be "Recovered" and not in a permanent state of "Recovery". I know this works for some but not all. I like how you're being realistic about the future and being honest about getting together with your best friend. Take the time to really enjoy yourself with them and drink some water after each drink and maybe talk to them about your future plans. They are your best friend, they'll be supportive. I'd say now would be a really good time to fix a target date into your mind and get a plan together on how you want to approach this challenge going forward.

I hope this makes sense.....and keep up the hard work! Everyday is progress.

Best regards

Dave

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Dave you are absolutely right, I am a willing participant in abusing alcohol. It is something I choose to do. I use the word alcoholic because I really don't know how else to describe this behaviour. I don't feel. Physically addicted to alcohol, I'm addicted to the habit, that certain time of day when it's cocktail hour. It's great while we're drinking, but the next day does tend to make us feel like crap, tired, guilty, angry...the list goes on. I'm expecting my best friend to come over tonight, were planning a trip next week to the states. We always have wine when we're together, but I'm going to do my best to stick to my goal of being sober tonight.

Turquoise thank you for saying such kind words about me. I think a lot of my determination comes from within me, but much of it also comes from your support and kindness. Now that I have the wonderful support of both you and Dave, my road to sobriety seems to be becoming more of a reality than a hope. I am so very grateful to have both of you on my side. I hope that you both feel that I am a support to you as well.

Adastela welcome! I hope to see more posts from you very soon. Can you tell us what brought you to the decision to abstain? We are all here for the same reason and if you've read some of our posts, I'm sure you can see we are all very supportive and care for one another. We do not judge here, and being accountable to someone does help us in our journey to abstinence. Please keep posting, I look forward to learning more about you.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Adastela welcome! I hope to see more posts from you very soon. Can you tell us why you've made the decision to abstain? We are all here for the same reason and if you've read some of our posts, I'm sure you can see we are all very supportive and care for one another. We do not judge here, and being accountable to someone does help us in our journey to abstinence. Please keep posting, I look forward to learning more about you.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1

Hello, hello, I am starting today my journey to sobriety. It's been over 35 years of drinking in my life. I am not addicted, but way too many days were hangovered and lost. I self-medicate with alcohol. Si lonely at home in the evening and drink wine. Unwinding until I numb myself completely. There is so much lost in this state of oblivion and dunken mind. Will write more...now I just need to start participating in this wonderful online support group. I never had a support to help me quit drinking. now I count on your help and encouragement, my dear friends. You've been there and who else can understand and empathize better than you. Until tomorrow. Tonight, I will be sober and will drink tea.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Camiol,

Great work! The first few days are a challenge for sure because it seems to take a while before we start to feel normal again. Stick with it please. I know your perspective will continue to improve and you'll find that person who is patiently waiting for things to re-balance themselves. I like your story from the soap. A very powerful message and you just never know from where they will appear.

Camiol, I've been drinking for a long time, pretty much all of my adult life. I did quit for quite a while after my kids were born but always cam back to partying and drinking. A friend I know who went through rehab told me I was an alcoholic but I do not believe that now. I was definitely an active participant in my own alcohol abuse and for the most part enjoyed the consumption part but hated the recovery part; the hang-over, depression, self-recriminations, frustration, etc. I've read a lot on the AA site about the definition of an alcoholic and it's pretty extreme so ultimately that's your call. I agree with some of the 12-steps but in reality isn't taking responsibility for our poor behavior and making amends to those around us that we've treated poorly because we were were drunk and acting like a self-centered ******* and apologizing for it what 90% of mature, self-ware adults do anyway? I agree that you've got a problem right now but the fact that you're putting it at the front of your mind to resolve it and setting goals for a vision of where you plan to take your life is the mark of someone with a lot of strength and character and I know you're on the road to accomplishing that goal. Do it happily and enjoy yourself or make it into a war of attrition, it's your choice. I find it easier to laugh at myself and find some humor in the process. Just remember, we're all here to help and support you. Stick with your vision because what you hold in your mind will manifest in reality. Keep fighting the good fight.

Best regards,

Dave

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

Oh, the clipboard! Dave, I am a writer and that strategy has served me so well, so many times... I, too, often try and step outside of myself and objectively watch this complicated person that I've become going through motions and emotions without TRULY getting sucked into the drama. It doesn't always work, but sometimes it does. You should actually write a scene with that character you are watching give up his addictions, warts and rages and all, because it would make a great chapter for a novel.

Camiol, you are one of the most stubborn and determined people I know. I am CERTAIN you will be able to kick this soon -- both the smokes and the drinks.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1009

Hi Turquoise,

1 month! That's absolutely fantastic! Congratulations on that. I'm a week behind you so next Monday I will hit that mark as well. Guaranteed. As to the smoking, today is day 2 and I haven't caved but quitting smoking is definitely a more physical thing than quitting the drinking I find. I really feel it physically. It's weird because I feel like I'm doing some weird experiment on myself regarding nicotine withdrawal. Mood swings, physical cravings. It's really an exercise in self-control and will-power but I'm winning the fight. I'm trying to detach myself and view the experience from the outside. Humorously, I imagine I have a clip board in hand and a lab coat on, making notes about the experience of as I go.......I can hear myself saying "Well that's bloody interesting! I wasn't expecting that.." and jotting down notes as I go. I keep reminding myself this feeling is a temporary thing so suck it up and deal with it and it will pass. May as well have some fun with it because I brought this on myself and I'm the only one who can fix it. Road rage is never far though! :).

If you didn't glance through it before try having a read through the AVRT site I sent to Camiol:

https://rational.org/index.php?id=35

It has an interesting perspective on the ever-present voice that nudges you on to drink. I really like your idea of treating yourself. It's inspiring to hear your perspective on success and moving forward. Keep up the excellent work because it keeps all of us motivated and we can all build on each others successes as well as challenges!

Best regards,

Dave

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Deciding when moderation doesn?t work.