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Moderation Gang (MoGa) - an ongoing discussion of moderate drinking

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Moderation Gang (MoGa) - an ongoing discussion of moderate drinking

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 100

Hey guys, congrats to those of you keeping your goals and those of you trying to. It's a hard road. PJ, thanks for your post yesterday. Re: the PhD, I've decided that I might need to take an extra term at the end of my MA to make life manageable (mental health first!). I'm going to talk to some profs about it.

I know the battle feeling, feeling like there are 2 (or more) versions of yourself duking it out. I find I get really irritated with people who just want to hang out and talk about nothing/banter and not ever have stimulating conversations. Could you join a book club of some sort to try and get some intellectual stimulation? Or a philosophy club or something? I'm just trying to think of things that wouldn't necessarily involve booze! I'm worried about you. Feeling like you want to die is awful and I really hope you can stick with the desire to kill the feeling and not yourself because you clearly have so much to offer and so much life left in you.

Regarding internal issues - I was having some but they really seem to have improved since I cut down. I also have scars from cutting so you're not alone on that front either. As far as weight gain goes - that is something you can definitely beat. You've already discussed your successes in going to the gym, so try not to forget them in the tough times. If things get really brutal today, I hope you'll reach out and call someone as marylizy suggested or a distress line. Hope you're feeling better about things soon.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 325

Hey PJ

Yes addiction is bad...but we all have the problem and are helping each other by being here and posting...You are doing great,,,don't give up on yourself...Stay strong...call someone else in AA to talk to...they have a hot line...don't wait...Weekends are tough...I am alone and know how it feels to be sad and lonely...You just need to reach out to some one.....Check back here often...

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 234

Today I stood in front of the mirror. I noticed the weight gain, that takes work.

I saw all the scars from cutting myself (on my arm and chest). When I wear a t-shirt I always get questioned about it.

When I look at those scars it tell me what drinking can do to you. I'm having a rough time at the moment. I know the best thing to do is stay sober and stand strong about not drinking.

I'm not sure if other MoGA have health issues, internally.

This is going to kill me, I know personally I want to drink myself to death.

I hate that feeling, I need to kill that feeling

Addiction wants to kill me, it makes me feel worthless and I can't beat it. I can't moderately drink, I hate how my brain has transitioned me.

I've emailed a high rep in AA I'm not sure where to post on this site.

I can feel myself dying.

A very slow suicide.

PjH

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 161

Doing fairly well here despite treadmill of work and chores. Everybody keep checking in.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 616

Hi everyone....it's been a while since I've posted and its great to be back. I have been working hard on my diet and lost a couple pounds already! I haven't been abstinent but for the most part it's been one or two glasses of wine a night. Thursday night I did over indulge when my BF came for a visit. Last night I drank too much again but I didn't get loaded. I was drinking Caesars which are filling...when I got home from our night out, I was pretty much sober but wow I'm swollen from the salt today. It looks like everyone is doing great and managing to either moderate or abstain. I still feel like wine is my absolute weakness. I am hosting dinner for our family tomorrow evening for Thanksgiving. I went to the liquor store on Thursday to get wine to serve with dinner and I ended up walking out with 7 bottles. I swear it's like I become possessed when I buy wine. I lose all control. I bought 3 bottles of white, 2 red and 2 blush. I don't know why I felt I needed to have all that wine on hand. I don't particularly like red or blush wines so odds are I won't drink it but I want to know what possessed me to buy all those bottles.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1853

Hi PJ,

Keep feeding the realistic side of you! Being involved on these forums and using the program are great resources to help you do so. It sounds like you are making great progress - probably more than you give yourself credit for. Congrats on working to be debt free and for the goal of saving for your home.

It will be a wonderful reward for pursuing your personal goals towards a healthier you!

You mention feeling alone a lot of the time. How has this affected your drinking habits? What activities do you enjoy doing in the company of others instead of just hanging out? ie Team sports? Leisure activities?

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 234

Hey JoJo,

Bottom line, you have your drinking in check, so hungover or not, both of us know about the negative affects. Stick to your guns. I know for sure my liver isn't doing so well. I've had a few doctors tell me so, so I know I need to keep sober, although I've drank a bit through my core program. I'm combating the determination to fix my life and move on vs the addictive soul that wants to absolutely consume me. It's an interesting battle. The reason I say this, is, because I have gotten myself out of 10,000 dollar debt, savings for my house is going quite well. Mentally, I know you don't have to go out and party to be cool. I always felt like I was boring if I stayed in, so I am now embracing that feeling.

I feel alone a lot of the time to be honest. I try to meet people, enjoy company, but sometimes I just don't get along with people. I'm not a genious, but I really don't like hanging out with people just for the sake of hanging out. I like having a good time for sure, everyone does. I'm just a person who loves to learn, but grade wise, educational growth isn't super feasible. To be honest, the addiction wants me to drink to death, the realistic me wants to grow.

Congrats on your PhD, the stress, the hard work you are putting out, leads to great things. If everything is riding on how this term goes, well that's cool, but what even brought you to this term? Dedication, intelligence and determination. You're going to rock this JoJo.

Keep on Keeping on!

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 409

Hey Mogas. My life has been crazy the past few days, but I'm reading the posts all the time. It's good to see so many of you still keeping this as a constant priority. I will probably never be able to take my drinking for granted, but my consumption has gone down so drastically since I started this site. I feel really good about it. My first reaction to stress isn't to reach for a drink any more. Even my eating has gotten healthier.

I had an old high-school friend visit last weekend, and I did end up drinking about two glasses of wine every day that she was here, but no more than that. Since then, I have had only one glass of wine during the week. Haven't really had a chance to try my new "connect" time with my husband, but next week should calm down. Camiol, how are you doing? I would really love to hear from Hope and Black Pearl. Are you out there? I'm still thinking about you.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 161

Same here, ML, short but not bad.

11 years ago 0 +0 / -0 100

Hey PJ,

Thanks for the message. Yeah the 4 in 6 was pretty good but the bottle of wine the next day was kinda weird (that I didn't get hung over from it). Thanks for the tips re: anxiety. I have been trying to do some mindfulness meditation and it really helps me sleep. I'm also just trying to be more "present" in general. I just have so much going on with school right now and it seems like everything is riding on how this term goes, as I'm applying for a Ph. D. I feel really behind where I should be. Thanks for all your encouragement. It means a lot and I hope things are going well on your ventures?

Jojo

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Moderation Gang (MoGa) - an ongoing discussion of moderate drinking