Well gang I didnt do so good last night. When my BF got here we had a glass of wine, then we went to a restaurant for dinner and I had three glasses of wine and we stopped at a lounge where I had one more glass of wine. I wasn't really drunk but I did feel it. I was home early and feeling very lost without Tucker so I had a long hard cry. It was one month ago yesterday that he died. I just can't seem to get over losing him....I did find out yesterday that my new pointer pup was born and that has given me something to look forward to in the new year.
Today I did some Christmas shopping and I'm spending a nice evening at home with my daughter while my husband is working nights. I am not drinking tonight and my goal is to not drink at all this coming week. I hope to make it past next Friday by taking it one hour at a time.
You,ve been doing so well with your struggle for the last few days. the tricks you used to keep away from booze the last few days will probably work again tonight.
Happy Friday everyone. The weekend is upon us. I have been struggling already about how to abstain tonight. I want to be strong and enjoy my evening without alcohol, I hope I can do this. I think by psyching myself all day, and reminding myself that I am strong and I don't NEED a drink, I can be successful. Im going to try to go into the evening with the same attitude I had when I quit smoking and I ended up in trigger situations....I would keep reminding myself that I don't want this anymore and my health means more than the addiction. It worked for smoking, I hope it works for drinking. I'll try to stick with water or a virgin cocktail.
Turquoise yes its the amythest that is my talisman as well as my birthstone. I just might try to go shopping at lunch time for something to use as a reminder. If Im not able, I do have some amythest pieces here at home that I can use. I totally forgot about that conversation. I'm glad you reminded me. I can use all the strength I can muster tonight. Friday is my drinking night, it's going to be a hard habit to break. With the support of all my friends on this site and my inner strength, I feel confident I can do this.
Yay, Camiol - that was a strong moment for you tonight. When you wake up tomorrow morning, try and recall the great feeling you had when you put the bottle down and walked away. And then try to remember the horrible feeling you had a few days ago when you realized you had blacked out and couldn't remember breaking your grandmother's butter dish. Hold on to both of those feelings.
I also made it through a 4th sober day, despite going to my favorite restaurant for a nice dinner with my H. I feel good about it and am determined to be successful with my four week sobriety challenge. I do seem to be lucky in that one drink for me very rarely turns into an all-out binge. But several glasses of wine a day -- every single day -- is not healthy or fun. My addictive tendencies are insidious. Each time I prune the cravings back, they slowly creep up on me again like one of those creeper vines that wrap around a tree and makes it look so leafy and pretty until the vine strangles its host tree. They have to be completely hacked to the ground once in awhile (my sobriety challenges) to reset the boundaries.....
Do you remember several months ago when we talked about -- what was it? -- amethyst? My "strength" stone is turquoise, and I think you said (maybe?) amethyst for you. I can't quite remember. Tomorrow during the day perhaps buy yourself a ring or a bracelet. Get something meaningful that you can wear and always look at (or fiddle with) for strength and a reminder of both the good and bad feelings when the liar in your head starts to whine. If you can psych yourself into believing that your talisman will give you power of a reality check against the lying enemy, maybe it will....
I thought I will post some excerpts from one of the stories in the big book to illustrate that people far worse shape have recovered from this seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. You can too. For the whole story you may visit:
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_pioneers8.pdf
""My wife could not understand why I would sober up for dad but not for her. They went into a huddle and dad explained that he simply took my pants, shoes and money away, so that I could get no liquor and had to sober up. One time my wife decided to try this too. After finding every bottle that I had hidden around the apartment, she took away my pants, my shoes, my money and my keys, threw them under the bed in the back bedroom and slip-locked our door. By one a.m. I was desperate. I found some wool stockings, some white flannels that had shrunk to my knees, and an old jacket. I jimmied the front door so that I could get back in, and walked out. I was hit by an icy blast. It was February with snow and ice on the ground and I had a four block walk to the nearest cab stand, but I made it. On my ride to the nearest bar, I sold the driver on how misunderstood I was by my wife and what an unreasonable person she was. By the time we reached the bar, he was willing to buy me a quart with his own money. Then when we got back to the apartment, he was willing to wait two or three days until I got my health back to be paid off for the liquor and fare. I was a good salesman. My wife could not understand the next morning why I was drunker than the night before when she took my bottles.""
I quit smoking 10 months ago, but I do know what it's like to quit for a long time and start again. I quit for two years and started again when my cousin and I were hanging out together a lot. She smoked so I started again. Then go figure, she quit and I kept smoking. She had stopped for 16 years and has been smoking again for 6 years. It's crazy how easy it is to get wrapped up in an addiction all over again.
I made it through my 4th day. When I got home from work I went to our basement fridge for a club soda. A big bottle of Sauvignon Blanc was laying in wait for me....perfectly chilled. I grabbed the bottle, ready to have "just one" but I talked myself out of it. I reminded myself that I can't have just one. What a great feeling to put the bottle down and walk away. Tomorrow will be very difficult. It's my night to unwind from a crazy day at work and enjoy wine with my best friend. I have a huge challenge ahead of me.
I know I posted some pictures of my drinking roomate ( bleeding and crawling) and put them everywhere in the house and he seems to be drinking less then. My alcoholic sister told me it was a good idea so I've tried it
I quit smoking 15 years ago because I came back home one day and my kids, very young then, had made all those drawings and posted them over the house that I was going to die if I did not quit smoking, I quitted. I started again with my drinking roomate and I am not blaming him for it, the psychology of simply buying a pack of cigs for him got me back into smoking???
Go wonder about the power of our brain. Stop smoking for more than 15 years and go back to it just by stress and buying a pack for him??? Crazy....
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