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HELP FOR ANGER AND WHINING


16 years ago 0 3875 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi Hummy! Nice to see you! Excellent post as usual! And I only now just noticed those great stats of 05/05/05! :) [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/5/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 357 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 8,925 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $3,766.35 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 46 [B]Hrs:[/B] 20 [B]Mins:[/B] 36 [B]Seconds:[/B] 28
16 years ago 0 5195 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
I don't know who is having trouble with depression or anger or any details because I'm not around much these days. I, like Hummy, pop in from time to time and help where I can. I may be totally off base here but I will share a little of my experience with you.... I was a strong, emotionally stable, tough, single parent who could handle anything until I quit smoking. All of a sudden I didn't have any coping skills and simple things would send me off in tears. I had what I called my "PJ" days when I didne't want to get out of bed. All of my quit buddies appeared to be fine after about 60 days quit and at 12 months, I still struggled with the smoking thoughts. To make a long story short, I blamed everything I was feeling on my quit. It took me over a year and a half to finally seek help from my doctor and to begin counseling. Through all of this I learned that I had a lot of deep rooted issues that I never learned how to deal with. I was put on medication to help and did counseling weekly to learn some much needed skills. At first, I was too embarassed to admit to anyone that I needed any kind of help. After all, I was super mom! I will caution that medication is a complicated thing to get right and once you work through some issues it may no longer be necessary. It takes a while to start to work BUT if you still feel the same after 3 or 4 weeks, INSIST your doctor try something else. For a year I took medication that just seemed to make me worse. When we quit, our lives change. We have to change along with them or we will go back to the comfort zone of smoking. That isn't a solution for anything. Someone once told me if I went back to smoking I would just be a depressed smoker. I believed them (thank goodness). Quitting is hard and some people need a little extra help getting on with life. There isn't any shame in that. In a few months I will hit the 3 year mark and I must say my life hasn't ever been better than it is today. I have realized many dreams that I don't think I would have had I continued to smoke. Don't give up the quit. Do whatever it takes to hold on to it. I hope this helps.. PS....Hummy, so good to see you. Lady [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/1/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 968 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 19,360 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $3,436.40 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 89 [B]Hrs:[/B] 15 [B]Mins:[/B] 44 [B]Seconds:[/B] 59
16 years ago 0 220 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Ladies, Thank you both for two very thought provoking reads. Greatly appreciate your honesty and your ability to share your experience(s) so eloquently. Faith [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]12/23/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 63 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 1,575 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $756.00 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 7 [B]Hrs:[/B] 6 [B]Mins:[/B] 7 [B]Seconds:[/B] 28
16 years ago 0 1890 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Great read, Hummybird and very well written ... anger, spewing at family or friends or neighbours, is such a waste of energy. In the chambers in my mind I just get up and close the door on that stuff and return to the fireplace... [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]1/18/2008 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 37 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 925 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $416.25 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 7 [B]Hrs:[/B] 0 [B]Mins:[/B] 40 [B]Seconds:[/B] 24
16 years ago 0 591 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hey Hummy! So nice to see you again! Whiners used to drive me crazy. I used to have some odd feeling of.. I don't know what to call it? Mastery or entitlement maybe. I was born with a bad leg, ankle, and foot, have had so many surgeries that I can't count them on all my fingers and toes - though admittedly, I am missing some of my toes. I live in constant pain, now have scoliosis because my bad leg is shorter than the other, and I also have arthritus in my bad ankle. I guess I always fancied myself the strong one because I got up each and every day and raised my children... even gave birth to them naturally with a bad hip that caused them to be born the wrong direction. I used to get so ticked at whiners. Then I guess I found myself week. I had a nervouse breakdown because nobody is quite as strong as I thought I was. Suddently I could no longer do the work that I had always done because my leg caused me too much pain. I developed an anxiety dissorder, panic attacks, and depression. At one point I couldn't even leave my house because I was too afraid. I did go and get help, and do think that anyone that is struggling to find anything good about their life or struggling to learn coping skills really should seek out help. Though, the first couple places I went for help when I needed it shut me out and told me there was nothing that they could do and that I should stop complaining about it. My church told me that God doesn't give anyone anything more than they could handle, patted me on the back and sent me on my way. My doctor just gave me a disgusted look and walked out. My husband at the time called me a druggy and kept throwing my anti-depressants out. Many of us cycle in our lives. Well, everyone does to some extent, but those of us that struggle with emotional problems cycle more extremely than others, and sometimes we do get all nice and comphy in a pitty party mode. I've learned to give myself permission to be there instead of constantly battling it and worrying about what anyone else thought about my doom and gloom attitude, because constantly fighting your life is far too exhausting and can leed to more breakdown. Sometimes you need to just take a break from all that, and then after I started giving ymself permission to be there, I found that I wasn't there nearly as much as I previously was! When one can accept themselves for who they are, then they no longer become so bothered by who anyone else is, or where they are in their own lives, and can just accept folks for who they are and have compassion for them, and compassion is the road to true happiness. I guess that's the lesson I learned through it all. [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/17/2006 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 587 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 44,025 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $11,006.25 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 52 [B]Hrs:[/B] 10 [B]Mins:[/B] 21 [B]Seconds:[/B] 41
16 years ago 0 735 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Beautiful, Hummy thank you for this post. G [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]7/21/2007 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 218 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 6,540 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,046.40 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 22 [B]Hrs:[/B] 12 [B]Mins:[/B] 15 [B]Seconds:[/B] 35
16 years ago 0 1115 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi All, I'm not on site very often these days, but check back in occasionally to see how you're all doing. So thrilled when I see someone has really "made it". Not smoking is definitely the new black - LOL. An old friend emailed with a request that I re-post an old post that she thought would help some members who are having some problems with depression. (The old links don't seem to work, so she couldn't pull it up through the search function.)The post is below. Hope it helps. Congratulations to everyone for every single day of freedom! Not cravin', never cavin'. Hummy Help for anger and whining. The SSC is a wonderful, life-saving site. The support here has been instrumental in my quit. Everyday I come on site and read great positive posts, people parading their stats, and posts where people from all over the world are helping someone in need. I also see many posts where members are complaining about their lives, their jobs, their families, and their anger. These posts DON�T bother me. Quitting smoking is quite difficult, and everyone needs a place to rant and complain. What does bother me is that, I worry that some are not learning to cope without smoking. If you don�t learn to manage your anger and your �woe is me� attitude without smoking, you�re going to end up losing your quit. Some background: My first husband died of bone cancer when I was 23 years old. I am a 16 year cancer survivor �( dermafibrosarcoma protuberans � shoulder). I have never been totally without food; but at one point in my life, I owed 13 doctors/hospitals/clinics, was working 2 jobs and going to school full time, ate � can soup at night and saved the other half for the next evening. The history is only so that you�ll recognize that my life has not been a stress-free wonderland. On the other hand, I had a happy, carefree childhood, and am now married with two children who are my joy. We have members on site who have coped with the death of a child, the illness and/or death of a spouse, or the death of parents. Some of us have lousy jobs, had horrible childhoods, or try to deal with nightmare marriages. Some are fighting COPD or other smoking related illnesses. We ALL have stress and tragedy in our lives. Learning to truly live without smoking is a skill we MUST learn. Whining: So, if you are ranting and raving and crying on site because you�re going through withdrawal, you�re suddenly trying to cope with the trigger from H***, or your life just fell apart, THAT�S GREAT � NO PROBLEM � THAT�S WHAT WE�RE HERE FOR. However, if you look back at your posts and 90% of them are doom and gloom, you need to look seriously at the reasons. You may need professional help with depression, or counseling to help you get your life back into perspective. Maybe you�ve just gotten into the life habit of being a whiner. If that�s the case, get a grip on yourself and work towards a more positive attitude. No one can be �up� all the time. Actually, I don�t even enjoy being around �little Miss Sunshine� 24/7, because she doesn�t feel real. However, no one wants to be around �the voice of doom� 24/7 either. There are hundreds of books on positive thinking and getting yourself back on track. Most areas have free counseling services for people who need them. Anger: I am rarely angry. I may be frustrated or aggravated, but like some people �don�t do guilt�, I don�t do anger. Terrorists make me angry. People who abuse children make me furious. Everyday situations with family, friends, co-workers, drivers, or sales clerks don�t make me angry. I don�t allow them to do so. YOU control your emotions. No one can make you react in a certain manner. Read and practice control, and you can learn to control your anger and channel it into some useful endeavor. You absolutely, positively don�t need cigarettes to control your actions. Don�t feel like being positive? Then, get the anger out. Take Nostradamvs� advice: �Laying on my bed punching the crap out of my pillow til I was exhausted used to help�. Take Yoda�s advice: �Hit a flea market / garage sale (or if it is an emergency - your local dollar / pound store) and get a really cheap set of dishes (the cheaper the better), get a cardboard box, open the top and bottom, set it on a concrete floor (garage, driveway, sidewalk if you have understanding neighbors) take a dish out, drop it. Even in my worse rages - the sound and sight of three usually calmed me right down. Cheaper dishes are better as they shatter much more dramatically. The box contains the mess and sweeping it up can be a very Zen experience�. Have young children and can�t get away? Take them to the park, the zoo, or for a backyard picnic. Raining outside? Take them to the library for story hour, check out a kid�s kitchen science book � you�ll have fun with them and probably learn something, too. Teens pushing your buttons? Walk into another room, lock the door, take a shower, or put on earphones and play classical music (or whatever makes you happy). Problems with hubby/wife or friends? TALK with them � not to them � with them. Didn�t work? Explain that you�re having a rough time at the moment and follow directions for Teens. Great quote to think about: �Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.� ~Og Mandino or change it: Beginning today live every single day as if it is your last. � I try this one everyday. You�ll find that you have almost nothing to whine about, and that very little is worth getting angry over. Thing is, it could be true. This could be the last day we have to make a difference. So, if your anger or moodiness is getting out of hand, get help. If it�s gone beyond withdrawal and is hanging around like a stray cat, get help. Every single moment of your life is worth living. One of the reasons we�re quitting smoking is to have more of those moments. Don�t waste them on anger and whining. Those two aren�t worth your time anymore than smoking was. Hugs, Hummy [B]My Milage:[/B] [B]My Quit Date: [/B]5/5/2005 [B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 1025 [B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 41,000 [B]Amount Saved:[/B] $6,662.50 [B]Life Gained:[/B] [B]Days:[/B] 141 [B]Hrs:[/B] 5 [B]Mins:[/B] 2 [B]Seconds:[/B] 23
  • Quit Meter

    $472,305.60

    Amount Saved

  • Quit Meter

    Days: 5382 Hours: 11

    Minutes: 47 Seconds: 37

    Life Gained

  • Quit Meter

    45414

    Smoke Free Days

  • Quit Meter

    908,280

    Cigarettes Not Smoked


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