Original Post by: nonic
Good day fellow travelers:
It breaks my heart to read through many of the posts here. That is so because I hear the anguish and understand the pain that cessation's path requires. For so long, as addicts, we played a game of hide and seek. When trouble came our way, when people's actions and unforeseen events sent daggers through our very souls and anger, rage and sadness cut us like a knife, we ran and hid behind that ever present thin blue veil. We metaphorically put our hands to our eyes, inhaled the vapors and swore no one could see us there. And in many ways that was true. No one could see us there, because we internalized the pain we felt and eased its sting by bathing our wounds in a good old nicotine bath. And we did in that way become invisible.
However our invisibility also stripped us of our opportunity to confront the source of our indignation, our hurt, our sorrow our grief. By rendering ourselves invisible, we lost a million chances to grow stronger in our own hearts. We let go our opportunity to forge a stronger bond between our internal world and the external world. We fell victim to the ageless fear of the forest. We wrapped ourselves in the soft folds of addiction. We did not stand up for ourselves, we failed to practice gratitude for the life we have been given, we did not speak calmly to our aggressor, we did not reason with our partner, we did not address that which brought us so much pain. And the world heard no more from us.
But where does the heart go when there is nowhere to hide? The truth is that the heart needs no place to hide. The heart (self), that which you know yourself to be requires no excuse for existing. You are the product of a gardener of vast skills. You have a right to grow stronger, you have a right to seek the sun, to stand tall and be proud of who you are. You are a living breathing creative being who has something to add to the cosmic conversation. Do not silence yourself through self inflicted addiction. When the heart has nowhere to hide it must grow stronger, it must gain the confidence that comes from accomplishing difficult tasks, it must grow in compassion because it already knows the sting of rejection.
Remaining addicted is tantamount to destroying the vessel (body) in an effort not to experience the soul (self). Cessation is a chance to engage yourself, find new ways to deal with old problems. It is a second chance. Take hold of it today, tomorrow and on all your remaining trips around the sun.
stay well
nonic
My Mileage:
My Quit Date: 12/25/2006
Smoke-Free Days: 1294
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 38,820
Amount Saved: $13,587.00
Life Gained:
Days: 253 Hrs: 6 Mins: 43 Seconds: 32
That is so beautifully written. Thankyou. I am reading to prepare for quit day tomorrow.
